Sex and the Small City

For the majority of my life, I have been 100% confident in my sexuality. While I can admit that a woman is beautiful and I can acknowledge that she has nice breasts, etc., I have never had an inclination to experiment sexually with a female, although in my very limited experience, women do have softer, more kissable lips. I always get annoyed when straight guys say, "if you've never tried pussy, how do you know you're gay?" I always want to ask them if they've never tried dick, how do they know they're straight?

One late night recently, I had just finished an almost three-hour bout of an IBS flareup, and I was pooped -- pun intended; all I wanted was to take a hot shower, have something light to eat, and then crawl into bed and enjoy my new cramp-free existence. Alas, it seems like the universe had other plans in mind for me, and truth be told, I'm still processing what transpired next.

I was in the kitchen warming up bread in the microwave when I heard a knock at my door. I rarely get visitors, especially at midnight, so I was perplexed at who it could be. Turns out it was my friend, Mark and his new girlfriend, Jen. Jen doesn't know this, but last year, Mark and I hooked up once a week for about eight months; he swore me to secrecy, and the thrill of it all was enough for me to keep my mouth shut. It's not that Mark is an exceptionally good-looking guy or anything, but the whole saga was a mind-blowing experience.

The first time Mark and I hooked up, I was surprised when he let me pull his pants down and start jerking him off. Sure, I had jokingly touched his penis through his short or pantsed him in front of friends, but it was never anything remotely serious. This time was different. I wanted to give him a blowjob, but he was nervous about it, for some reason. Handjobs are okay, but I am exceptionally confident in my oral skills, and I love nothing more than blowing straight guys' minds -- literally and figuratively -- by showing them what oral sex is actually supposed to feel like. I was taken aback when Mark put a condom on me and then dropped to his knees and sucked me off. About a month in, he finally let me return the favor, and after that he was hooked.

We both knew it wasn't anything serious. He has no interest in having sex with a man, and my taste runs more toward dark haired, brown eyed guys who are taller than I am. I don't remember when exactly we stopped hooking up, but I do remember that the last time we did, he didn't want it as badly as he usually did; I had to coax him to let me suck him off.

Mark said they were in the neighborhood and just wanted to drop by and say hi. I didn't tell him that I'd just gotten done with three hours of severe stomach cramps et al, and that I really didn't feel up to entertaining anyone, let alone two people. We made awkward small talk as I ate my bread, and that's when things started to spiral out of control.

Mark reached into Jen's pajama shorts and started rubbing her clitoris. I recognized the dark, intense lust burning in his eyes and felt myself growing hard at the memory of what we used to do to one another. In less than thirty seconds, he pulled his hand out and said that he had made her squirt. I was so stunned I didn't know what to say or even what was happening. I had joked about us having a threesome with girl sometime, but I had never thought he'd believed I was serious, certainly not that he would make it happen.

"Get in there," he said, his voice low and husky. He nodded down toward her crotch. "Just finger her for a second." Her pajama shorts hit the floor and in the dim light I could make out the cleft of her vagina.

I took a nervous step forward before I stopped and looked Jen in the eye. "Are you okay with this?" I asked. I needed to know that she wasn't getting bullied into it or felt like she had to do it to make him happy.

"Yeah, it's okay," she replied, giggling. It was never on my to-do list, but as long as she was okay with it, I figured, what the hell?

I walked up next to her and without hesitation, I started rubbing her clit. I don't know how straight guys have difficulty finding the clitoris, it's very simple. It was slimy from his ministrations, and as I rubbed it, she threw her head back and whimpered softly.

"Put a finger in her for a second," Mark ordered, watching intently. Once again, I looked to Jen for confirmation, and when she nodded, I slid a finger down her cleft and into her warm sex. I'm used to fingering guys, so it wasn't an entirely new experience, but I will say that not having the resistance makes a big difference.

I fingered her a little and then stopped, thinking Mark would be satisfied and we could all go about our nights -- no.

"Did I do okay?" I asked. I'm a pathological people pleaser, and praise is a lovely, lovely blessing for me.

"Oh, yeah, it was good!" Jen replied. "Actually, I like your fingers better than Mark's." Aw, well isn't that sweet...

Mark told Jen to bend over, said that he wanted to fuck here right there in my garage, with me watching.

"Are you even into this?" Jen asked, fixing her blue eyes on me.

I opened my bathrobe to display my black boxers and the erection straining to get free. "I'm hard," I replied, shrugging. Is it really much different than porn? I thought. It's really just live porn that was happening ten feet away from me.

Before I knew it, I was standing in the doorway, watching as Mark started fucking Jen from behind. With every thrust inside of her, he let loose a masculine groan, and I felt myself started to precum. I don't think I'd ever let Mark fuck me, but I did enjoy watching his face and hearing his groans as I worked my oral magic on him. I must admit, seeing him action, not just in video, was very hot. I love seeing straight guys in their natural habitat; they're more relaxed, far less nervous. More confident.

For a brief second, I felt nervousness set in. Was he going to ask me to step in at some point? I was hard, sure, but could I do it? I didn't want to embarrass myself by not being able to get it in. Plus, there were no condoms, and I'm not used to having to pull out. I definitely was not looking forward to fathering a child, either. Thankfully, he never asked me to do it.

After a few minutes, Jen told him to stop and said she wanted to get home and finish up in private, which I totally understood. We said our quick goodbyes and then they left. Once alone, I stood there, shaking my head, trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened? Was I rock hard because Mark was there, or was it because I had made Jen moan? Had I wanted him to ask me to step in, so I could see what the big fuss was all about?

Mark texted me later and told me that after they'd gotten home, they'd had a fight about it; he told me not worry or feel bad, that it had nothing to do with me. I believed him. While Jen had agreed to everything, I had sensed some reticence in her, and as much as I was turned on by the show, I was uncomfortable and unsure of what I was supposed to be doing. Part of me had wanted to unblock my estranged father's phone number, call him up, and spitefully tell him that I had just fingered a girl -- and I was still gay. I didn't but the desire was strong.

Now, I look back on that night and see it for what it was: an experiment. I tried something new -- didn't mind it -- but I definitely like where I'm at sexually. At the end of the day, I'm never going to date a woman, nor am I going to go out of my way to have sex with one. I've been attracted to guys for as long as I can remember, in fact, I was attracted to guys before I even realized I was attracted to guys. Some people may say it's wrong, but in my heart, I know it's right, at least, it's right for me. Now, I'll never have to wonder what it's like, or if I would like it if I did try it. I can be more comfortable and confident in who I am.