My Husband Shared My X-Rated Video With His Friends

My husband and I started a sexy tradition about a decade ago. Whenever he would go away for the occasional guys weekend, I would take a page out of the ultimate tease playbook and send him nudes.

These little while-you’re-away sexts have become a sexy game between us. When one of us is gone overnight, sexy pictures and messages are almost a guarantee. It’s our teasing and playful way to say “I wish you were here, but I’m having fun without you!”

Last year, when my husband went away for a friend’s bachelor party weekend, I was feeling extra frisky and kicked it up a notch with a video of me pleasuring myself.

It was the most graphic and vulnerable video I’d ever sent him, and he shared it with all of his friends.

I was shocked and mortified

It never even occurred to me that another set of eyes might see my dirty pictures or videos. My husband had always been pretty private about sex in front of our friends, and this seemed so out of character for him.

Which is probably why he outed himself within 5 minutes of getting home from the trip.

He told me he made a mistake and quickly followed with a full confession. My immediate response was something like, “are you telling me your friends saw that video?”

I felt violated and humiliated — and really damn angry. Why on earth would my sweet, loving, trustworthy husband think sharing my homemade porn with his buddies was a good idea?

When I asked him that very question, he told me he got carried away, and it seemed like a good idea when he was a six-pack in sitting around the firepit shooting the shit with the guys.

According to him, he had the best of intentions

He explained how they had all been talking about their significant others, and Cole, the groom-to-be, mentioned his new fiance’s high sex drive and affinity for sexting pictures and dirty videos while he was at work.

According to Cole, it had become a bit of a problem and he recently asked her nicely to please stop sending them during work hours. He was sick of walking around with a hard-on and worrying his clients or colleagues might catch a glimpse of an incoming x-rated image.

Predictably, the other guys called the groom-to-be a baby and gave him a ton of shit. Then my husband's best friend Mike, a divorced and slightly bitter bartender opened his big ol’ misguided mouth.

He told Cole to enjoy it while it lasted because after the wedding his fiance’s sex drive would take a nosedive. The discussion quickly devolved into a stereotype affirming symposium on the age-related decline of the female sex drive, particularly that of the married variety.

As luck would have it, during that conversation my husband felt his phone vibrate with an incoming message.

While he was away, I waited for my kids to go to bed before enjoying a little me time with my favorite vibrator and dildo. I was just going to send him a picture of my sexy masturbatory set-up on our bed but decided to go all-in with a video. It was a 30-second close-up of the dildo going in and out of me at an intentionally slow pace.

I was spread wide open and the result of my most recent climax was slowly dripping from my lips as I deliberately rolled my hips to earn even more pleasure.

It was THAT graphic.

He used my video to prove a point

My husband, bless his drunk little heart, believed my video could give the groom-to-be a little hope. His tiny man-brain thought sharing my x-rated porn was the perfect exhibit to substantiate his argument against his equally as drunk friends.

So he did. Telling them “we’ve been married almost 15 years and Bradlee still sends me stuff like this…”

After hearing his lengthy explanation I kept repeating I love him — I love him — I love him over and over again to remind myself not to throttle him.

His story did nothing to ease my humiliation, but I was a little more understanding after hearing it. Looking at him, I knew he understood just how royally he had messed up, too.

Plus, he had told me immediately.

He didn’t wait for one of their wives to mention his misstep, or ignore it and hope no one said anything. He came clean right away, and as someone who prioritizes honesty, I did appreciate that.

As upset as I was with him, I also kind of understood

First off, he was drinking, which is something he does maybe once a year. His judgment was clearly impaired. That’s not an excuse, but it helped me to understand why he acted so recklessly. Secondly, I knew he wanted to set the record straight, and the proof was at his fingertips.

He’s my husband and he knows how passionately I’ve always argued against any uneducated moron who stereotypes or jokes about sexuality without allowing for diversity. As a woman who writes openly about sex, I literally spend my days writing to represent the nuance that his friend's outdated stereotypes erase.

That still doesn’t justify what he had done.

He didn’t think about the consequences or how I would feel knowing he shared something that was meant for his eyes only. I could forgive him, but this was an important lesson for both of us in trust, respect, and consent. It was also a reminder of why we so rarely drink.

My lady bits didn’t have to be exposed to his buddies for him to argue his point of view and nothing excuses sharing something so private without explicit consent — and I trust that he knows that now.

Sometimes our partners do stupid things, and this was up there with the stupidest. I’m still hopelessly in love with his stupid ass, but he won’t be getting a dirty video anytime soon.