My hidden secrets part 1

I woke up to a text waiting for me from Ben, I did not reply. I grabbed myself some coffee from the machine and sat and contemplated what I should say. It is a good relationship and he is a good guy but he believes I am a good girl and that is where it gets complicated. I try to commit to my girlfriend duties in the relationship but my time is way to stretched as it is. Between dating Ben, school and of course work, I have already had to cut out friends from my life and that was painful enough. I like my life organized therefore each of those components plays it's own part. Ben keeps the whole thing calm and is the part where I can relax. School well that is to help me get out of my line of work and to get my dream job so that's self explanatory. Which brings us to work, well my line of work is not something I am proud of but yet it is at times emotionally reliving.

Ben does not have any idea where I work and I hope I never have to tell him but it is awkward when he asks me about my night at work, or when I get called in last minuet. It gets tough to explain my way out but the shame would be to high to tell him. Ben asked me out thinking I was some perfect princess, brought up in a stable well to do family home and strives for perfection for her grades. This is obviously not the case but he assumed and I did not correct. I did not see an alternative at the time, he was the only person that gave me the time of day and did not have some sordid motive behind it. He made me believe he actually cares and wants to be with me but 6 months down the line I was in to deep. I always thought I could enjoy it for a while and cut it off later but when that time came I could not. Instead I told him I loved him because I panicked and chickened out from the truth.

It all started when I lost both my parents and had to live with other family members which were not to fond of me. So I ran away at a young age surviving off ex friends pity and eventually strangers kindness. I did that until I became academic enough to secure a place at collage and live in the dorm rooms. I worked my ass off shutting anyone that could not get me to where I needed to be out and focusing on my grades. Few weeks after I started collage I realized working part time at the campus coffee shop was not going to cut it. I tried to look for better paid ones but no such luck, So I looked further outside of the campus. As a final option I enquired about the ad that was clearly the one most would turn their nose up at and think of as filth. But at this point I was desperate, I needed a place to live, food and I needed money for my collage studies with no one to turn to other than the author of this ad.

I placed my cup in the sink and retreated over to my bedroom area, yes area because I live in a small room that accommodates my living essentials. I stepped in front of my half rusted eaten mirror and took a look at myself. A slender, tall figure with skin like cream, hair as fiery as it can be and green eyes. All essentials that I had to maintain to become any woman's or mans fantasy at work for any reason. I cannot be anything short of perfection whether I am meant to be innocent or guilty, I must look as glamourous as any performer must.

Continues in part 2 .......