Men's Sexual Confessions: Understanding and Overcoming Intimacy Issues

In my professional experience, I've listened to many men's concerns and explored the topic of sexual communication. Most male clients assume that a decline in sexual activity is due to their partner's lack of sexual desire or passion. However, the gradual demise of sexual harmony is often a result of both partners' actions. Here are common concerns and shadows that plague men's minds. Addressing these issues can naturally reignite mutual sexual desire.



**Shadow 1: "Did You Orgasm?"**



Many men treat orgasms as performance metrics, feeling they must achieve them each time to meet a goal. This mindset creates significant sexual pressure. Sex doesn't always have to be earth - shattering. I often say that if the sole aim of sex is orgasm, men could just use their fingers, and women could rely on sex toys. I suggest men occasionally try making love without ejaculating, focusing instead on emotional intimacy. This can help both partners move beyond the sole pursuit of orgasm and enjoy the closeness of physical touch.



**Shadow 2: Lying There Like a Lifeless Fish**



Men often describe partners who remain motionless during sex. This is never the desired outcome for women. Traditional societal views have sexualized morality, making many women feel constrained. They worry that moving too much might resemble a porn star, or that expressing pleasure could label them as promiscuous. To help your partner become more animated, take the lead in showing her how to move or offer genuine compliments on her techniques. This can prevent her conservatism from dampening your sexual desire.



**Shadow 3: Prolonged Foreplay**



Most men dislike extended foreplay. They fear losing their erection and being unable to regain it, or that intense arousal might lead to premature ejaculation. Sometimes it's also due to not knowing how to stimulate their partner's erogenous zones. In such cases, men might resort to what they believe are common turn - ons, focusing excessively on a woman's breasts and genitals.



In reality, kissing and gentle back kisses are excellent ways to quickly get into the mood. It is recommended that men incorporate more of these two elements into the process of making love, creating waves of continuous sexual interaction. When a woman constantly feels your physical and emotional warmth, she will respond to your tenderness with enthusiasm.



**Shadow 4: Not Knowing What Makes a Woman Comfortable**



The purpose of touching is to share the joy of physical intimacy and enhance sexual desire. However, assuming your partner's feelings based solely on your own sensations is overly presumptuous. It is recommended to mutually explore each other's erogenous zones through communication and experimentation.



Because emotions and sex both require sharing to be understood, you can't just guess and expect to reach new heights. So don't let touching become an invisible sacrifice to intimacy during foreplay.



**Shadow 5: Lack of Affirmation from Women**



Many men often ask, "Did you orgasm today?" to seek affirmation. If the answer is "No," it can hurt a man's self - esteem. To avoid this, some women might simply answer "Yes." Yet, some men may still doubt themselves but hesitate to ask further. To achieve genuine and satisfying affirmation, it is essential to learn sexual communication.



Sexual communication can take place during relaxing activities like walking. During these conversations, women might inadvertently feel shy and more aroused. Start by expressing appreciation for your partner, and then reflect on how you can improve. This approach will lead to true affirmation.



**Shadow 6: Monotonous Routine Sex**



Why do some men gradually reduce the frequency of sexual intercourse with their partners and prefer watching porn and masturbating alone? This is often because many people bring work home. When men are busy with work and women are busy with children, their "sexual energy" naturally decreases. When sex becomes a routine task like a meeting, it may lead to low sexual desire in both partners and unconsciously damage the intimate relationship over time. It is recommended to find more common ground in your sex lives to prevent the beauty of sex from becoming a monotonous chore.



**Shadow 7: Premature Ejaculation**



Clinical statistics show that approximately 20% to 30% of men domestically struggle with premature ejaculation. Men sometimes aim to last longer to satisfy their partners but may develop psychological anxiety in the process. This anxiety can lead to a focus on pleasing the partner while failing to be more considerate. Premature ejaculation can stem from physical issues or psychological factors. If men constantly worry about this problem, it may result in low self - confidence, decreased sexual desire, and avoidance of intimate interactions. To address this, men can try varying positions or slowing down the thrusting pace to learn basic ejaculatory control. These are simple techniques that can help improve the situation.



**Shadow 8: Refusing Sex but Not Allowing Porn Viewing**



The women in porn are attractive, have great figures, and are uninhibited in their movements and sounds. Alluring as they may be on screen, expecting men to quit porn is probably more challenging than quitting smoking. Women generally wish to appear dignified, excellent, and reserved in front of their partners. In reality, this stems from men's failure to guide their partners properly, leading women to feel envious of porn stars. This also signifies a lack of security provided by men to women. To enhance intimacy, men can try holding her hand and sharing the porn they like to help her understand their preferences. Alternatively, they can attempt to learn what she is interested in. Diversified and intimate communication can help maintain and enrich the couple's sex life.



**Shadow 9: Low Sexual Desire in Her**



"If I've tasted the sweetness, I would want more!" Who says women don't need sex? Everyone understands that sex is an enchanting experience. Women work hard, earn money, and continuously buy clothes not because they think their wardrobe is empty, but because they hope to become more beautiful. However, they often lack the courage to express their sexual desires, leading men to mistakenly believe that women have low sexual interest. Men can initiate gentle flirtation or tender touches to arouse a woman's desire. Remember to maintain a healthy balance in the relationship to avoid rejection.



**Shadow 10: Thinking Motels Are a Waste of Money**



When I randomly reviewed the sexual history evaluation forms of 50 male clients, I found that over half of the married men reported their most wonderful sexual experiences often occurred "before marriage." I understand that after marriage, various environmental obstacles can prevent couples from fully enjoying sex.



However, motels aren't just for having sex. They offer a place where couples can relax and be at ease with each other. When a woman can moan freely without worrying about cleaning up afterward, and with the added element of mood - setting videos, such a romantic setting should be utilized more often.