Kitten in Heat: Last Life

Licking My Own Womb?

Resolutions? New Year, 2020 has been reduced to a death sentence for many. This pandemic has and is destroying minds and lives like the speed of lightning. I am in a state of fear and anxiety far from my well-balanced cool breezy mindset. My subconscious I am wrestling with. For months, I have been examining and questioning, a theory of my character and the others I bring into my world. One stands out and has been the catalyst of the main question posed in the realm of Kitten in Heat. I started with this question when I was reading an article on Obsessive behaviors and it brought about a curiosity. Usually, I am faming the coined term: Antagonist vs.Protagonist all in relation to the Villian vs. the Hero in the story. Well, after learning of defined personalities, my vocabulary has been extended to who is the Narcissist or Borderline personality that fills these rooms; I enter these rooms in search of the Uno Nombre.

One year and a half, we still met up despite the truths, we chose not to question or answer. Who I fuck or who he fucks. We just know we commit to the pleasures we give one another. We are in our own created world. Unconventional as it has been. City to City, Suite to Sweet loving caresses in the sheets that we own not. Never uttering words of I love you. The love bombing seems to be fading. However, there are nights and mornings when my mystic flames burn and the vibrations will not stop sending signals to my chakras. The dreams were one thing but now, I am feeling frazzled out. I cannot stop hearing the purring, screeching, and sighing. His name, face, and sends vibrations in everything I do. I am in a love space that I want to fuck away. Isolated by the warning of the states. The national fucking states are forcing me to self- reflect, admit truths. I thought Umi, Mateo, Cali Boi would have drenched my mind and forced Antonio out of my soul. I Google everything and found that they are Karmic Soul Ties. Each Karmic Soul Ties owns a piece of me. Antonio and I have something on another level. I can’t seem to evolve or escape the inevitable feelings. I am constantly chasing my tail for many reasons. I do not want to feel abandoned, rejected, undesirable, or unwanted.

Umi gives me a free will to be in a role of choice; BDSM play. The playful Kitty exploring the kinks of power and punishing with no strings left behind, the secrecy is more than mischief. Mateo touches a playing ground for the old and lost youthfulness within a whimsical romantic playfulness under any star or moon. Cali Boi is a beast of another tale, a chocolate dream to anyone with eyes and contrast to a Vanilla Love.

Cali Boi walked the beach carrying me with all his strength. Idris Alba is put to shame in comparison to what Cali Boi features. A one-nighter for rekindling a twenty-year match of unfinished business was executed with Mandingo Power. His 12 inches of dick is mesmerizing against my Mocha Brown skin. In the sandy dooms, he surf boarded my body and created gushing waves to cover his chocolate. Silhouettes of each position gave an electrifying power for him to keep my pussy dripping and each stroke came booming like thunder. He scowled obscenities and words of instruction of what was cumming next, I had to stay in the moment and not ghost the sands for release. We fucked until the sun met us. Sitting for almost two hours after talking and laughing over old neighborhood stories. Friends that were still around and the ones who left this earth too early. We admired the Highest for keeping us still here. We kissed and promised to meet up again for my next visit.

A California dream had no impact so hard to know Antonio out of my system. Sick and bedridden with echoes of love. The universal is swirling me around to see my past sins. My mother Lilith has been riding my back with persistence telling me, “to ride until those wheels fall off!” Shit-shifting, “Corona” has taken hold and halted all things, fears in traveling, and warrants to stay in our own homes. Sickness has been trickling through homes as thieves. I want to not just go outside but to go to him. My womb is throbbing for him. Somehow, I feel like this is a sign to let it go. Yet, my heart is throbbing in his absence and I have no clue where to go to get me back.

Fierce Kitty? Breezy? Lioness? I had several suitors on the shelf from both teams but I don’t want to reread this collection. If I combined them all it would only be the sum of Antonio. I find myself seeking Pornhub Therapy. I look for the same look and build that is close enough to be the double stunt guy. I tried t he is too disciplined in his religion; I deleted them all and the account altogether.

Google? What is a Soul Tie, What is a Karmic Soul Tie? What is a Twin Flame? My friend asked me to look it up, after sharing my dreams, my unsure questioning my feelings about Antonio. But he is married!!!! We were only supposed to be in one season. No questions or crossing boundaries made mutually. Questioning and researching shit from sex addiction, personality disorders, hormonal effects of menopause, to spiritual attacks. Oh, yeah, and the newest term and defining of a Sexual Narcissist. My mind is on a mission for my heart's sake. I talk but with little emotion or attachment to the conversation with my BFF, who is equally spiritually aware. She calls the Law of Attraction and/ or the Universe, I reflect and I see a pattern clear. I am always inclined to analyze with my background education in the science of the mind and behaviors; Psychology. I analyze others and myself. However, I help heal others: emotionally, mentally, sexually, and holistically.

But who the heck is going to help heal my womb and wounds?

I could never tell Antonio, “I Love You.” If I say those three little words it will change the game. I want to remain single, independent, and free. I know that with all the mind and ego games no one wins. I am certain that I have overanalyzed and theorized to understand that I wanted to label these feelings. I wanted the Lust to be Lust, the Fun to be Fun and the Wild and Untamed to be Wild and Untamed. All opposing the Love that I can’t make tangible. I will cleanse my Chakras and go back to my journaling. I have been lately bombarded with numbers and synchronicity surrounding Antonio and me but what does it all mean? He is so calm and oblivious. While I am here at the scratching post. They say cats have nine lives maybe I have exhausted them all. Reincarnation, please allow me to get it right for the next lifetime.



Still a Kitten in Heat…..

Afterthoughts:

Anyone who is questioning where deep-seated behaviors and patterns stem; especially if behaviors are posing any type of threat for abuse of self and others, reach out to seek professional help. You can seek answers through counseling, group therapy, hotlines in your local city. Online is a great start to understanding and identifying with relative inquiries. However, I had two purposes in writing these short stories, “Kitten in Heat” one to entertain and open the doors for those who may want to explore intimate and sensual adventures, in real life or vicariously. I am a storyteller, some of the stories are mixed with fictional events, names, and places. I am a healer and I want to open sexual awareness to take the edge off of taboo beliefs; in addition to building a sense of freedom and self-love.

Bree Z. Love 2020

Please feel free to check out any one of my books of poems @ Amazon.com:

40 Days and Nights in Love: Intimate Portraits of Love

Kicking in the Doors: Power of Love

From God’s Love to Self-Love

A Love Affair with Haikus

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