K.I.S.S

Sometimes it feels like I don't belong to fetlife or the community because from the outside looking in my life and my kinky life aren't as extreme when compared to everyone else here.

No one really talks about their "normal" day or the day when things didn't work out and they couldn't do all the fun extreme things they wanted to...desired too...or hoped too.

Sometimes all you can hope to do to honor your kinky selves is put a butt plug in and say "You're mine for the day." And your submissive will have to find the courage within herself to accept that, this simple gesture is going to have to be enough for now.

My life is so basic I long for the extreme things soooo much that sometimes my heart, soul and submissive self are a wallowing mess of depressing, lungful country songs desperate for another way of life.

Its sad that some people myself included, get so wrapped up in what they aren't getting and haven't receive they forget to appreciate what is right in front of them. I use to discredit my husband a lot because he wasn't the "Dom or Master...or Top" a small but crucial part of my self needed him to be.

I clung so hard to the things I felt I was being deprived of that I was unable to see the love that was being given to me, appreciate the enjoyment of each other or even honor him for the effort and care he was able to give me.

Thursday, my husband and I celebrated our 9 anniversary.

There is so much more then 9 years of marriage in our history...including kids.

Kids bring about much joy and blessings...they also kill the chances of romance and any hopes of having a kinky way of life. At the very least they put all that on hold.

Our downfall as a community and advertising our way of life is that it has to be extreme. All the chips must in the center of the table, all cards must fall. If you're not tired when the scene is over...then it wasn't good enough. If I am not bruised by the end of this...it wasn't good enough. If we can't fuck frontwards, backwards, in the air and side ways...then it wasn't enough. AND...we can't be able to do all this and more before 1 am...then we are disgrace to the community and all that we stand for as kinky people.

Heaven forbid we lower our sexual, lifestyle expectation to that of being simply...Vanilla.

On the day of our anniversary all I could do the celebrate it and show my love was to make a dinner that was cooked to perfection, like I was trained to do back in the day when I was in culinary school, make sure our bed room was clutter free so I wouldn't be distracted and make sure the kids went to bed at a reasonable time so that time was made available for to sex, love and the possibility of kink.

Dinner was perfect, the kids went to bed on time, my husband and I shared a bubble bath with wine and candles and the only kink fun we were able to give each other was him pinching me HARD while we had sex.

We were done within 15 minuets. We felt loved and cherished by each other. And felt satisfied for the efforts we were able to give each other.

In the past, simple pinching would NEVER be enough for my pain loving side to be happy and not hold it against him for neglecting me all week.

But 9 years of marriage, being loved and committed to...along with the help and aid of dear close friends...has taught me to see the good in all things. I've learned to unify myself so I no longer feel like a fractured person, and I've learned to love freely without force.

So in closing...for all you new kinky people who would rather go extreme then take baby steps...Keep It Simple...Silly and enjoy all our world here has to offer.

To all the well seasoned members of our community, if you're stressed about how you're going to keep up with expectations...I give you permission to relax. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters, the only TRUE thing each and every person longs to feel and to know...is that they are...SIMPLY...loved.

And it only takes simply gestures like pinching to give such a grand feeling such as love.