Is it just an affair or already a relationship?

In the first moment everything between you was tingling, lust and passion. Even the second and third time you fell over the guy like a dessert. And you felt comfortable in his presence, even after sex.

But you’re starting to wonder what’s going to happen to this story. We will help you with our tips to find an answer to the all-important question: Affair or more?

Am I just a bedtime story for him?

This question probably torments every woman at the beginning of a possibly hopeful relationship or in an affair that could be more. Maybe it also torments the man. Hard to say, because: It is not asked aloud. The problem: No one wants to problematize, disturb the tingling and make the whole thing so “unnecessarily heady”.

What do you mean by “unnecessary”? Asking is the easiest and fastest way to find out what you are up to. Of course, you don’t have to ask right away, “Do you want to get married?” Or, “Do you actually want kids?” Especially since you’re just learning to remember his name. But it’s permissible to inquire, “Do you really just want sex or more?” If he says sex, you can always say, “Cool, me too.” Or just not.

How do I know if I’m just a bedtime story for him?

Of course, it’s understandable if you don’t want to ask this delicate question too soon. After all, it can scare away such a tender little affair if serious things like a joint relationship are discussed too soon.

You might want to gather some clues about whether you’re compatible before asking the relationship question. That’s why we have checkpoints here that you can use to see that he probably sees you more as a sex playmate.

Signs that you are just a bedtime story for him (or that he should be just one for you):

The more of these criteria he fulfills, the more certain you can be that nothing will come of moving in together.

1. he never stays overnight, even usually gets dressed and leaves right after sex.

2. You talk about nothing but trivia.

3. He never says anything nice to you that doesn’t relate to sex. (“You feel good” doesn’t cut it).

4. He doesn’t ask you anything except “Upstairs or downstairs?”, not even if you’re involved.

You share nothing but the bed (and occasionally the sofa or table, but only for sex). No joint ventures, never eating out or movies together, nothing.

5. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and isn’t interested in yours.

6. he doesn’t tell you anything about himself, you don’t even know his last name, what he does for a living, where he comes from.

How do I know that I am more than a bedtime story for him?

There are also signs (no, unfortunately no proof) of a broader interest or infatuation on his part. The more of these points apply to him, the more serious he probably is.

Signs that he wants more than an affair:

1. he stays overnight and even for breakfast (sometimes prepares it too).

2. you chat a lot and tell each other everything possible about your life.

3. he asks you what you do, where you come from, what you like, about your family, about everything.

4. he wants to meet your friends and introduce you to his.

5. he asks you if you are in a relationship.

6. he shares intimate secrets with you.

7. sometimes he just wants to cuddle, not have sex.

What do I do if I’m just a bedtime story for him?

In the end, you can only decide that for yourself. If the sex is good and you don’t have anything else in mind, let it go on for a while. But if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, an affair like this can quickly turn out to be a nuisance. Imagine you REALLY meet the right guy and have to explain to him what this guy is doing in your bed.

If you really don’t feel like doing this anymore, make a clean break. Tell him that you are looking for something else, that it was good the way it was, but is over now.

If he doesn’t let up and suddenly starts acting like he’s in love, take a close look. How believable does it come across? Keep in mind that some men will do a lot to keep a once-opened source of sex from drying up. If you have doubts about his sincerity, pull the ripcord. Nothing is more annoying than going around in circles in a relationship that isn’t really a relationship at all.

And what do I do if I only want a bedtime story, but he wants more?

Then it’s best to behave the way you would expect him to: Clear, honest and ultimately consistent. Which means: You end the thing before you seriously hurt his feelings.

It is relatively easy to determine whether a man just wants a bedtime story with you or more. If it is so, you should soon consider whether occasional sex meetings are enough for you. Otherwise, you should end the matter soon.