Into the Abyss.

The fragmented aspects of our soul’s, scattered across the galaxy. Time, space and distance, irrelevant to the dimensions, planes and realms of existence. We reside everywhere, in constant harmony to one another as we each fulfill our purpose on the journey to remembering who we are. As each new level of alignment presents, we begin the process of integration. Calling forth all aspects of ourselves, back to the place where we are whole.

When I went to bed last night and queried myself, “How the fuck am I supposed to get in touch with my inner cheater?” I could not have predicted that my subconscious was going to take me on a journey such as this. Guilt gurgles within the vortex to where my Sacral Chakra resides as I recall the dream in acute, intimate detail.

The sound of bass oscillating through the trees as it emanates through the forest. My feet thumping against the earth, whilst the rhythm cascades throughout my being in its entirety. The roar of the crowd, singing in harmony with one another. The essence of solidarity, reverberating amongst the soul’s as we synchronise into one, unified field of total, complete and utter love consciousness. This is the rave, at its point of pinnacle. My awareness is brought to the sensation of a hand as it slips into that of mine. I look up. "It’s, you! I know, you!" The welcome of his gaze, as he gently guides me away from the crowd. Feeling as though I am floating, whilst he leads me to the paradoxical sentiment of a spacious, little secluded sanctuary nestled within some trees in the distance. Ever so carefully, he places his hand around the nape of my neck, and lays me down upon the ground. The smell of fresh earth ignites the senses of my clairalient capabilities before I realise that I am about to cheat, on my partner. Seductively, he lowers himself upon me and begins to kiss me. I know that I am cheating. However, I do not stop. I embrace into the moment, passionately kissing him, amorously matching his insatiability whilst the soft, wet skin of our lips delicately caresses, massages and entices the other. Our soul’s entwine and dance across the dimension of space to where the ether encompasses and expands our experience. I can feel him inside of me. Inside of my subconscious as though he is not an extension of that of myself, but where-by he is visitor. A visitor, whom has come to play in the realm of the intergalactic playground of our soul’s eternal potential. Heat escalates, raising our vibration as it sends out an invitation to that of the universe to allow us to ascend, even further. Suddenly, we are naked. The thumping of the music and the rest of the world has fallen away. There are no other soul's around. It is only us, and the magic of our entities combined. The fact that I am in a relationship has completely departed from that of my awareness and I am left with only but a yearning, for him. For him, to be closer. I open my legs and wrap them around him, offering for his body to amalgamate with my own. There is an ecstatic, orgasmic energy permeating the vortex being created by the heat that which reaches a climatic induction, as his lingham is about to enter my yoni. I melt into him completely, awaiting the sensation of him immersing himself inside of me. Unfortunately, I wake up. But nothing, has ever felt so real! It feels as though he was really there, inside of my dream!

I can barely contain myself as I sit in the tutorial room the following week. Of course, I am not going to mention the content of my dream. I am however, excited to share the nature of my self-enquiry in regards to Zabian’s homework assignment and the profound accommodation of my subconscious, into that enquiry! When Zabian asked us last week to become acquainted with the aspect of ourselves that which is capable of the very thing in which we detest the most, I had no idea that when I went to sleep that evening, that this was how I was going to achieve such a task. When I raise my hand to share my experience and Zabian’s eyes dart toward me, I immediately feel embarrassed. I mean, I’ve not experienced a sex dream about a man before and now here I am, staring into the eyes of the physical embodiment of the man whom was my first. I know that I have nothing to feel ashamed of. I am not in control of my subconscious world. I have not cheated on my partner in any reality that is relevant to my current conscious awareness and I do not have any feelings for Zabian other than that of admiration and respect. However, I feel somewhat guilty. Perhaps, this the perfect rendition of that which the experience was meant to ignite within me, so to ultimately gain a level of relatability into a phenomenon in which I despise? Cheating. As I begin explaining my experience, I become elated once again in the potency of my subconscious delivery. Zabian, looks at me in awe and says only but two, simple words, “That’s, amazing!” Little do I realise at this time that the word amazing, is going to become a pertinent contribution into the way in which Zabian and I communicate, as the unforeseeable future of our connection unfolds.

A few years later, we are now deep into the unveiling of our unique situation and the very thought of Zabian upon my body, embraced within the divinity of a love so pure, instantaneously entices me into a state of unfathomable, erotic proportions. Lying on my side within my bed, my mind wanders back to this dream I had. This dream in which when I had it, I had no idea of the events that were destined to unfold, or of the hidden nature of my true feelings. Oh, how I was in such a state of denial for those first twelve months of being in his presence. There is no way I would have allowed myself to think of Zabian in that way back then. Even when I discovered that he was my twin-flame, I never anticipated us being anything more than connected through that of our careers. In fact, I threw myself head first into the execution of wedding plans with my partner at the time, for I believed that the mission in which Zabian and I shared as twin-flames, was only to be one that which relates to the notion of us becoming twin, friends. In my mind, the foundation of our connection did not need to be revealed, discussed or even acknowledged in person. I was so innocent, and yet so naive.

Now today, I lay here wanting nothing more than his touch. To have his body pressed against my own as his fingers trace my skin. To kiss his lips and massage his neck. To run my fingernails down his back as he pulls me closer. Oh, how I long to worship every single aspect of his being and make him feel like the king that he is to me. “Mmmm.” I allow my hand to gently caress my hip. Softly edging the length of my thigh as I arch my back to reach myself from behind. Moisture melts upon my fingers as I enter the bliss of what the very thought of him does to me. Leaning into the embodiment of the experience, I begin to grind effortlessly against my hand, filling myself with that of my own flesh as I build the rhythm to compliment the aching unravelling of my thoughts. Then, in an instant, my hand is no longer my own. No longer my own, meaning that the incident is not one where-by my imagination has taken over and I am envisioning his hand in replace of my own, but as though someone has actually taken control of my hand and I no longer attain the ability to guide that of my movement. My hand is possessed by an entity in which I cannot see. It literally feels as though I am being pleasured by the hand of another! With Zabian still at the centre of my rapacious universe, I submit into the experience. My hand moves faster, building in momentum until my vessel can withhold back its climax no longer. Just as quickly as the entity took control of my hand, it releases me from its hold and the sensations of my own mobility return to me. “Wow!”

Following this experience, I am unsure how to navigate it or what to assess of it? “Can Zabian astral travel? Was it him, reaching in and taking over my hand, somehow?” It would be of no surprise to me at all if Zabian has individuated to the point of being able to astral project at will. And, I believe in him and that of our connection so deeply, that the notion of him being able to further use that of his own soul to take over my vessel, would simply be yet another magical feature of our limitless capabilities as twin-flames! However, without any solid form of confirmation from Zabian himself and with my being so confused about my feelings toward our situation, I cannot come into alignment with such a perspective. In fact, I wonder if was violated by a fucking ghost? Have I done something to deserve such a punishment from the other-side? Or maybe, the entity is someone other than Zabian whom can astral project at will? These questions elude me for the remainder of the week until I venture out for a dance one evening at my favourite night-club. After about an hour, I head outside for a cigarette and sit myself at a table. I am minding my own business, when a young man whom I do not know approaches me. He looks me in the eyes, points to the table next to us and says, “I put my hand in something wet over there and it was, ahhhmazing!” Then, he offers me a grin. My jaw drops. I look over to where he is pointing. There is nothing wet on the table, at all! I automatically get up and move myself to another table. After a few moments, the young man approaches me again and says, “Are my pupils dilated?” I immediately get up and walk over to the other side of the courtyard and away from him, positioning myself where-by I can still observe him so to leave if he attempts to approach me again, but to where I am no longer in that of his vicinity.

Heading home that evening I cannot control the rampage of my thoughts. I did not inform Zabian of the incident the other night, for if it was not somehow him, I did not want to sound crazy. But, that man just suggested that it was Zabian, whom took control of my hand? First with his comment. Then by insinuating that he was on drugs. Can Zabian take over another person’s consciousness when they are intoxicated? Can he astral project himself into another, completely? A little disappointed at the prospect, my heart sinks. I believed that if it was in actual fact Zabian the other night, that his ability to be able to achieve this was in alignment with our soul-connection. To think that he is willing to astral jump into another person’s vessel leaves me feeling somewhat perplexed and a slight bit, shattered. I do not like the idea of him entering another. My sadness immediately transforms to anger. And, how is he able to do this without that person’s conscious permission? I could understand him being able to do it with me, for I am his in my absolute entirety. Divinely, my soul would allow it even though my consciousness may not be aware. However, soul diving into one whom is not one’s twin-flame, seems highly volatile and disrespectful! How can the divine allow such a thing? What is the point of attaining free-will if it is not executed by that of the universe? My anger turns to rage as I contemplate the contradictions of such a concept and I begin cursing. Not only at Zabian, but at the divine, also.

As I am lying in bed that evening, my attention is brought to that of a memory. An experience to which I endured with my ex. We had been partying all night in celebration for my thirtieth birthday. As daylight began to embody the sky, we were outside of the resort room having a smoke when I suddenly lost consciousness, whether due to too many drugs or not enough hydration, or perhaps a combination of both? Moments later, I regained consciousness as my ex was placing me on the bed. When I asked him what had happened, what I was doing in his arms and how we got into the bedroom of the apartment, he stated that he didn’t know! I pleaded with him to what he meant and how he could not know, to which he simply repeated, “I don’t remember, Shaniquah!” I asked again, “Well, how long was I out for? I was standing outside the sliding door having a smoke. You were on the lawn down the steps of the patio, nowhere near me! And then, I awoke in your arms as you were placing me on the bed? How did I get into your arms?” My ex, whom does not have a spiritual bone in his body, was just as baffled as I was. “I don’t know, Shaniquah! All I remember is feeling really strong as I was placing you on the bed, that is all! I don't know how we got there!” He was getting frustrated with my confusion. Two years later, right before I was to begin at university, we experienced this strange phenomenon again at his thirtieth birthday celebration. However this time, I was sitting down. I recalled us having a conversation, but I could not recall what the conversation entailed. Neither could he. I asked him profusely, “I know we were just talking about something really important. I remember speaking to you, but I do not remember what I was saying. I recall speaking to you with a wisdom and a knowing, but I have no idea what I said.” Something was different within this experience in comparison to the event at my thirtieth celebration, though. My ex lowered his head when I was querying him. There was no animosity, frustration or confusion behind his tone when he responded. It was as though he was keeping the information from me. Whether consciously or unconsciously however, may never be determined. Still to this day, I have no physical confirmation of what I said to him. But following that experience, he became distant with me. A blessing in disguise, of course.

Up until tonight, I simply acquainted these experiences to the wisdom and the unlimited potential of the angelic realms prevailing. I had intuited after the experience at my thirtieth birthday that Archangel Michael had stepped into my ex’s vessel just before I had lost consciousness, then he moved at a speed unfathomable to human comprehension, so to prevent me from falling down the steps and seriously hurting myself. Then, as my ex was placing me onto the bed, Archangel Michael left his vessel and my ex regained consciousness, at the exact same time as I did. I never actually gained confirmation of this from Archangel Michael, however. I simply thought that the notion made sense! The second incident, I eventually related to the fact that as I was planning my ex an I’s wedding, he had cheated on me. I attained confirmation of this sometime after my ex and I broke up and I instantaneously had a vision of an entity, or a wiser version of me, confronting my ex on the night of his thirtieth about it. Much of the transmission was not revealed to me. However, I was shown myself explaining to him that our relationship was going to come to an end, and that it would be wise for him to accept it. I comforted him with reassurance that he would be okay after the impending breakup, and that his life was going to be fine without me. I assured him that our children will benefit greatly from that of our separation, and ultimately, the split was going to provide them with a stronger sense of self. Of course, when I was shown this vision, I did not recognize myself as myself. I sounded almost, deity like. I held myself differently as I witnessed myself in this state, with a strength and sense of poise in which I did not possess at that time. It felt profound, to say the very least.

As the memory begins to fade and my awareness is brought back to that of the present, I wonder how any of this is relevant to my experience tonight? Or to my experience the other night with my hand for that matter? An angel would not place their hand in mine and physically pleasure me, surely? Let alone completely hijack another person’s vessel so to inform me of this, and lead me to believe that it was Zabian! An angelic being would simply not do this! Once again, my trepidation turns toward that of the divine. “Why are they allowing this?” With all other possibilities too much for me to digest, I end up choosing to presume that this new phenomena present within my reality, is Zabian. Convincing myself that my love is able to astral travel at will and reach me in this way, is the only way in which I can accept the happenings within the expanse of my human comprehension. Especially considering that from this moment forward, the occurrences continue to unfold.

ThankYOU for taking the time to read that of my story, BeYOUtiful Soul. If It captivated You and You would like to explore more of Shaniquah's Journey, let me Know by tapping on the Heart-shaped button and showing me some Love, then head over to my Personal profile to delve Deeper InTo that of Shaniquah's World. If You Feel Called to offer Your Support to my Journey as a Writer, please feel free to tap on the tip button, also. All proceeds Are very much Valued and Appreciated, and Will go toward the Creation of my first novel. Infinite Love and Gratitude, Lollie.

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