I Pretended to Be a Man on a Dating Site — And I Hate What I Discovered

Online dating is a jungle, a place where hopes, desires, and egos collide in an endless cycle of swipes and matches. As a woman, I always assumed men had it easy on dating apps—tons of matches, instant replies, and the power to choose from an endless sea of options. However, curiosity got the best of me. What would it be like to experience online dating as a man? Would the game feel as effortless as I imagined? To find out, I created a fake profile as a man and stepped into an unfamiliar world. What I discovered left me shocked, frustrated, and oddly sympathetic toward the men who navigate this space daily.

Step One: Creating My Fake Male Profile

To make my experiment as authentic as possible, I crafted a profile that I believed would be appealing yet realistic. I used stock photos of a conventionally attractive but not model-like man, kept the bio simple and witty, and made sure my interests were varied—travel, fitness, movies, and reading. I even threw in a cute dog picture because I assumed women would love that. With my profile set up, I eagerly waited for the matches to roll in.

Except… they didn’t.

For the first time, I experienced something that had never happened to me as a woman on dating apps—silence. In the first hour, I received zero matches. I double-checked my settings, wondering if something was wrong. But everything was fine. It was just that no one was swiping right on me.

The Harsh Reality of Low Matches

As a woman, I was used to logging into dating apps and instantly seeing a queue of men who had already swiped right on me. But as a man? The opposite was true. I had to actively swipe on hundreds of profiles, hoping someone—anyone—would swipe back. And when I did get a match, it was usually with someone who seemed only mildly interested. Conversations were brief, responses were short, and many matches would ghost me before the chat even got off the ground.

It was exhausting.

For the first time, I understood why men often complained about online dating feeling like a numbers game. Unlike women, who can afford to be selective, men are forced to cast a wide net, swiping on dozens—if not hundreds—of profiles just to get a few matches. And even when they do match, the struggle is far from over.

Initiating Conversations Felt Like Pulling Teeth

As a woman, I was used to receiving messages first. Even if I didn’t message a match, someone would eventually initiate a conversation. As a man, I quickly realized that the burden of making the first move was entirely on me. If I didn’t message first, the conversation simply didn’t happen.

So, I took a deep breath and started sending messages. I tried to be clever, asking about their interests or referencing something from their bio. In return, I got one-word answers, emojis, or, worst of all, complete silence.

Some women unmatched me immediately. Others ignored my message altogether. And the few who did reply often gave lukewarm responses that made it clear they weren’t all that interested in keeping the conversation going. It felt humiliating. Was this what men went through every day?

The Brutal Expectations and Double Standards

One of the most eye-opening discoveries was how much effort men are expected to put into conversations while receiving so little in return. Many women’s bios contained phrases like “Make me laugh,” “Impress me,” or “Put in effort.” But when I tried to engage, I often got robotic, uninspired responses—or nothing at all.

I started to understand why so many men resort to simple “Hey” or “What’s up?” messages. If putting effort into messages doesn’t yield results, why even try?

Another thing I noticed was that a lot of women’s profiles included long lists of what they didn’t want in a man—no short guys, no guys with bad grammar, no guys who can’t afford fancy dates. While some of these preferences were understandable, the sheer number of restrictions made me wonder—how do men even compete?

The Ghosting and Rejection Were Relentless

One of the most frustrating parts of the experience was dealing with ghosting. Even after I managed to start a conversation, it often went nowhere. I’d ask a question, the woman would respond, I’d reply—and then? Silence.

Ghosting is something women complain about all the time, but I never realized how brutal it is for men. They’re expected to keep the conversation going, come up with interesting topics, and engage—only to be ignored or unmatched at any moment. It felt discouraging, and I was only doing this as an experiment. I couldn’t imagine the emotional toll it must take on men who genuinely put themselves out there.

A Newfound Sympathy for Men

After a week of pretending to be a man on a dating app, I was exhausted, frustrated, and completely disillusioned. Everything I thought about online dating from a male perspective was wrong. Men don’t have it easy. In fact, they probably have it harder than women in many ways.

I suddenly had a new level of respect for the guys who keep trying despite the rejection, the ghosting, and the constant effort with little reward. Online dating is a brutal battlefield, and men are often left fighting an uphill battle just to get a simple conversation.

Final Thoughts: What Needs to Change?

This experiment changed the way I look at dating apps. I used to think men weren’t trying hard enough, but now I see the reality: they’re trying, but the odds are stacked against them. If women want better experiences on dating apps, we need to meet men halfway—by engaging in conversations, showing genuine interest, and remembering that on the other side of the screen is a real person, not just another profile to swipe past.

Would I ever pretend to be a man online again? Absolutely not. But I walked away with a better understanding of the dating struggles men face, and maybe—just maybe—I’ll be a little more patient the next time a guy nervously says, “Hey” in my inbox.