Five Football Personalities that should try a Chastity Cage

Something I like to think about while watching Sunday football is what would “he” look like in a chastity cage. Imagine if he had no access to his genitals, no ability to masturbate, no release from sexual urges. And while thinking about such things, I naturally come up with favorites. Here’s my personal list of guys that might benefit from being locked up"

Rob Gronkowski

Superbowl Champion Rob Gronkowski (as he says in the commercial) comes across as having a lot of muscle and little smarts. He’s outlandish, goofy and known for partying with porn stars. He likes the ladies and rumors of his bar and club antics abound. Sure, he’s got a nice chest -- which he likes to show off by removing his shirt any time he can. Plenty of us will give him a look. But when I think about him I think of a large, muscular man with his manhood encased in metal. He needs to be tamed and shown the benefit of some abstinence. Maybe a few days or weeks being locked up would do him some good, calm him down, help him stop seeing women as playthings. With no way to get to touching himself, he’d have to focus on other things, like healing, improving his play, and his future after football. It’d be a challenge, but I think he’s up for it.

Baker Mayfield

The “At Home with Baker'' commercials crack me up every time. They make Baker seem kind of innocent and immature. He gives off a vibe of being young and fresh, open to learning new things. I like to imagine he’s never heard of chastity play and he would be shocked to learn that men intentionally lock their penises in steel. I can just see his childish excitement seeing “the Vice” for the first time and learning how being in chastity could improve his life. It might even make him a better QB. His key-holder could play a game of chance to see when he’d be released and unlocked. It would be fun. Like guessing the odds of the Browns winning the Superbowl.

Joe Buck

A divisive figure if there ever was any, Joe Buck rubs a lot of people the wrong way. With his deep voice, traditional look and impostor-vibe arrogance, I think he could do with a little compliance. He needs to relinquish control and learn not to fear dominance by a female. If he could fit some chastity into his busy schedule and stop living in daddy’s shadow, he might find he embraces giving up control. Let’s start a new petition instead of “Joe Buck Sucks” and call it “Lock the Cock.”

Tony Romo

I just as easily could have said Brady or Rodgers, but Romo has a certain aesthetic I find pleasing and I think his big hands would look good putting on the cage. The Pro-Bowler, Walter Payton award-winner, former QB with a high career-passer rating has a lot going for him these days. He wears those Sketchers, mans the Corona hotline and is doing a decent job as lead analyst on CBS. Some of it may be privilege, but he is the definition of a successful man. And those are the best to lock up. If he consented, it’d do him and his dimples a world of good.

Michael Strahan

I’m not talking about the quarterback-sacking Giant, I’m talking about designer suit, insightful commentary, here’s a story about Taylor Swift, Strahan. Mr. Poised and Popular stays busy these days, all over the networks. If his wife approved, he is one that I’d love to personally control. I think in this case an app would work great. I would know for sure that he was caged and then I could watch him squirm on-air and see the bulge of the device in his trousers. I’d like to catch him adjusting while sitting at the GMA desk, knowing that he is aching for release and relief.

Maybe you’ve had these same thoughts and if so, I’d love to see your list! If not, I bet the next time Joe Buck makes a biased comment during a game, you’ll think of it.

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