Don’t mix sex with shit

One of my first tinder experiences...

So I got matched with this woman who was in my book a 10. She had a pretty face, perfect tits, bubbly ass, tan skin, she had it all. We went on a date and to my dismay she kinda just ignored me the whole time. I shook her hand at the end of it and figured I’d never see her again.

Fast forward one week she called me and wanted to apologize and offered to buy me dinner. Usually I would have declined but she was was too good looking.

This time around she was a different person. The date went great and we ended up back at her place. We went directly upstairs to her bedroom where she excused herself to her bathroom. I sat down on the bed and felt it kinda go crunch, I immediately knew she had plastic sheets! Why does she have plastic sheets I thought?? Maybe I got lucky and she’s a squirter! A million ideas were racing through my head as to why she would have plastic sheets. I was soon going to find out.

She opened the bathroom door and was dressed in this super sexy black lingerie, she looked at me and said, “do you want to Fuck me?” “Does a One legged duck swim in circles” I said...

she then pulled out these anal beads and says “you have to let me put these in your ass”.

Fuck no!! I said put those away we don’t need those!

She says “get out of my house you’re wasting my time”.

Wait a minute no! I say, cmon put those away I don’t want that in my ass!

Get out of my house she said with a dead straight look on her face.

I start to beg and she says she’s going to call the police.

Ok I’ll do it! I said. 😬😬😬

She smiled and 2 minutes later I’m butt naked and she is sliding them in my ass.

I’m trying to find the joy in it with no success. I see this look come across her face like she just melted and without warning she ripped them out and I shit myself all over her bed!!!! I immediately jumped up and dashed into the bathroom and locked the door behind me and began to frantically wipe the shit off my ass. I hear her in the background saying “it’s ok, it’s ok come back”, I was thinking what the fuck is wrong with her is she blind?? How does she not see the shit all over her bed? At this point I had completely forgotten about the plastic sheets. I was thinking she was going to be very upset and mad when she realized I shit myself...

I was standing at the door still naked because my clothes were in the bedroom, thinking to myself I was going to apologize to her, get my clothes and bounce. I open the door and she is on the bed rubbing my shit all over her tits!! Saying come on come fuck me. I gagged.

I grabbed my clothes and got out of there faster than a speeding bullet.