6 (More) Steps to Write Great Sex: The Erotica Author Edit

The original "6 Steps to Write Better Sex" remains one of my best-performing articles - this tells me that there is a need not being filled (oo-er) amongst writers. Writing about sex can feel a little taboo, depending on the topic and your predilections, but it shouldn't be a total mystery. Of course, the fact that so many of the writers who follow me on social media have a million questions about writing sex the minute they find out that I write erotica under a pseudonym is indicative of a deeper issue... or two, in fact.

One, many writers want to be able to write about sex in realistic, honest, and compelling terms. Tw0, they feel ill-equipped to do so. Whether this is a lack of writing confidence or a lack of sexual information and confidence I can't say, but I can provide six more tips for those looking to write great sex!

Don't Be Afraid of Filth

Depending on the "rating" you'd give your story, e.g. adult/mature or explicit, I don't expect you'll be seeking erotica writing tips for a YA novel, you shouldn't be afraid of a little vulgarity. While I wouldn't recommend that you take your direction from porn, you should keep in mind that it is a part of modern culture. Most adults don't expect to read about sex in proper medical terminology (too stuffy) or mild, childish euphemisms (somehow worse, and a little creepy depending on the language). Instead, they expect a certain level of vulgarity. If you cringe writing the word "cock" I'll kindly suggest that erotica isn't the genre for you.

Of course, getting "filthy" isn't just about language, it can be about the content too. Hold your horses, there, I'm not talking about weird and wonderful kinks or hardcore acts; I mean actual messiness and dirt. If you're writing about a couple who get... eh, Intimate, on a camping trip there's no reason not to acknowledge the dirt, sweat, and bugs. Of course, I wouldn't dwell on it - you want the scene to be sexy (unless you don't, not all sex is sexy after all) and that means a certain amount of displacement from the reality of getting it on with pinecones jammed into your back.

"Lick, Laugh, Lust" aka Humor Belongs in the Bedroom

Sex is often treated as a deadly serious endeavour - as if a slight misstep will ruin the moment. While a mistake can certainly ruin a fantasy anyone whose been lucky enough to have a partner they feel really safe will could tell you that a mistake that ruins a fantasy doesn't have to ruin the night. Laughter is good - it's good for the body, our mental and emotional health, good for the soul, and I would say probably one of the best things for a relationship.

If you're writing a sex scene to be arousing, laughter might not be the best medicine. If you're writing a sex scene to inform character development and create an intimate relationship in the story, laughter could be exactly what you need. A slip of the hand, bashing teeth, leaning on your partner's hair (even a queef or two) these things are indicators of the state of a relationship; if your characters can laugh it off and keep going, they'll be showing a healthy, trusting, and loving dynamic.

Kink Vs. Crap - Know the Difference

The screams of frustration heard from BDSM communities around the world after 50 Shades of Grey dropped onto bookshelves was pretty palpable. I've lost count of how many of my friends have bemoaned the slew of under-educated, enthusiastic 'Doms' that litter Tinder, causing god knows what damage as a result of aggressive ignorance (and in some cases a genuinely sadistic streak given confidence by the belief that Mr. Grey was not only desirable but admirable).

Kink of any kind is, or should be, enthusiastically consensual, informed, and, above all, safe. Fiction is an escapist fantasy, we know this much, but we also know that teens and young adults often turn to fiction to explore their world and sexuality. When writing romance you have to accept that there is a chance that your work will fall into hands you never intended it to, so it's a good idea to try to represent unorthodox sexual relationships as responsibly as you can.

Highlight Small Details

The fine hairs on someone's stomach, the creases at the corner of their eyes, or even their shoulders and hands; intimacy and attraction are so unique and diverse that even the smallest details can be an integral part of them. Bring your reader into that headspace, show them the small details that fuel the attraction between them.

Show People Not Bodies

Visual mediums like film have the benefit of being able to use two of the most powerful senses - sight and sound. Sex scenes in the movies, or yes in porn, don't need to give us an in-depth look at the characters' minds and emotions to spark feelings of arousal, or at least the belief that the people we are seeing feel it.

When you write sex, though, you can't afford to view it as a purely physical endeavour or you run the risk of writing a manual - part A goes in part B, shake vigorously and so on. No matter how you frame it, that's not sexy. Instead, you have to show sex as what it is for most people; a dual process that is as much about what happens in the mind as t0 the body. Let your characters speak to each other, think about each other - hell let them think about themselves; when you write sex you need to write about the people having it first and foremost if you want to hit the mark.

"That Doesn't Go There!" (or, at Least Not Without Lube)

Aaah yes, the old "spit on it" trope. I'll stop short of calling it gross (we don't kink-shame here), but I will say that it doesn't work. Especially for that. If you're writing for adults, which you should be if you're writing explicit romance and erotica, you're going to have to go far to convince them that spit will act as an effective lubricant for anything (especially, the road less travelled, so to speak). If they do, they've been watching too much porn and that's not your problem. The biggest consumers of erotica fiction tend to be women, meaning you need to tailor your content to your market. If that market is S/M, CNC, or humiliation-based, spit away... otherwise, you might want to feature a tube of KY Jelly in that anal scene

There are two types of sex when it comes to writing erotica, just like there are two kinds of sex in any other media: there's porn and there's sex. The trouble with porn is that when you write it, you still have to get readers invested in the action somehow. There's no way to give the same full-on effect that visual pornography gives in writing (and perhaps more than one reason why you might not wish to mimick porn videos), so you have to step out of the "porn zone" and into sex. Real sex. Because the people who seek out explicit sex in written form are often looking for the same end - they just want to take a different journey to get there.

Of course, if you're writing non-explicit romance, these tips may be less useful to you, but I do believe that they can still be applied. Too often, romance novels end in a vague, breathless tumble that's too perfect to believe and because it's too perfect to believe it takes the shine away, at least I think so. So, let your sex get a little messy (on and off the page, if you like); I guarantee you'll be surprised by how it changes things.