6 Early Signs of an Incompatible Relationship

When would you rather know you're dating someone who isn't a good match for you? Is it already a month? Or two years later, when you're both co-parenting multiple house plants and sharing an apartment?

Almost all will choose the first choice. Dating can be exhausting enough at times. Anyone may be disappointed when they discover they are incompatible with someone after months or years of commitment.

It's understandable that people don't see symptoms of incompatibility right away. Who wants to dwell on a person's flaws when they're drawn to them? Especially when there are more exciting characteristics to discuss, such as a person's zodiac sign or a mutual love of a local folk band.

However, the long-term success of a relationship is not determined by those first-date butterflies. Compatibility is determined by larger aspects of a person's personality, such as values, morals, goals, and desires. So, if you're looking for a long-term partner, keep an eye out for these incompatibilities that can be detected early in a relationship.

You don't have the same sense of humour.

In 2014, I began dating a former coworker who was 9 years my senior. There were a slew of reasons why we didn't get along in the first place. But there was one glaringly evident attribute that I overlooked all too often: our disparate senses of humor.

Sexist and racial jokes were made by my then-boyfriend. It left a sour taste in my mouth, and although I sometimes expressed my displeasure with his comments, I generally dismissed them as insignificant.

They were, however. Putting aside the fact that I don't want to be with someone who is racist or sexist, I place a high emphasis on humour in my relationships. I enjoy making people laugh, even though I am usually the one doing the laughing.

But I want to share my happiness with the person with whom I'm in a relationship. I don't think I'd want to spend time with them if their jokes are crude or if I don't find them amusing.

Your sexual desires are just the opposite.

I used to believe that there was only one kind of balanced sex-drive. Either you want it every day or there's something wrong with you. So, even though I didn't want to, I'd push myself to have sex just to please whoever I was dating at the time.

Following that, I met my new boyfriend. And it was only after spending time with him and reading more about people with low sex drives that I knew there was nothing wrong with me. My ex-boyfriends and I simply had different sex drives, which I'm glad I no longer have to contend with.

If you have a strong sex drive, look for someone who has one as well. If sex isn't high on your priority list, be with someone who shares your sentiments. That's what there is to it. No one should feel ashamed or resentful of their partner because their sex needs are on opposite ends of the continuum.

You have different perspectives on the future.

Returning to the desire for a long-term relationship, don't be afraid to inquire about someone's life aspirations early in the dating process. Why isn't this a question you ask on the first few dates if you're certain you want to marry and have children?

There's a distinction to be made between asking someone if they want children with you and asking if they want children in general. Don't be afraid to ask these types of questions because you're afraid they'll make others uncomfortable.

Since many long-term couples break up because they have conflicting ideas of what they want for the future. They either refuse to face reality or hope that their partner will reconsider. If they don't, they're left with the impression that they shouldn't have ignored their incompatibility in the first place.

One of you is nervous, while the other is averse to attachment.

Identifying a person's attachment style may be a useful tool in your dating life. But first, it's critical to comprehend your own. You will find a great quiz to help you figure out what yours is here.

Attachment styles are important because they influence how an adult will perceive intimacy. If you have an anxious, avoidant, or anxious-avoidant personality, you'll want to avoid the anxious-avoidant trap.

People who have an insecure attachment seldom work out with someone who is avoidant. An anxious person longs for closeness, while an avoidant person would go to any length to avoid intimacy in a relationship.

Before you know it, you're involved in a cat-and-mouse game that isn't particularly enjoyable. I've played it a few times already, and it's by far the worst dating experience I've ever had.

At first, there's a strong attraction.

“Why is a spark a bad thing?” you may wonder. Isn't that meant to be the answer to my question?” To which I reply, for the most part, no.

When people meet someone new, they can experience an intense spark because they are insecure, afraid, or anxious. Instant chemistry isn't always a reliable predictor of compatibility because it can indicate other, sometimes unhealthy, factors.

Dorothy Tennov, a dating counsellor, coined the word limerance to describe the intense, obsessive feelings people have while dating someone new. It is often misunderstood as a "spark," but it can cause a great deal of sadness and anguish in a person's life.

According to behavioural scientist Logan Ury, “fireworks” with someone right away may be an indication of how arrogant they are or whether they are simply a player. Just because someone gives you butterflies doesn't mean they'll take good care of you or connect well with you when you're sick.

Your differences aren't taken into account.

My boyfriend and I have completely dissimilar interests. I enjoy reading and tending to my plants. He'd rather spend the evening playing video games and sipping whiskey from his extensive set.

Although I am uninterested in whiskey or World of Warcraft, I admire my boyfriend's enthusiasm for both. We may not agree on anything, but we can respect each other's differences in our relationship.

They don't respect you if they make you feel bad for being different from them. Although you may feel fine about giving up a hobby or not minding their snide remarks, it will gradually wear you down.

Respect is, after all, a crucial component of any long-term partnership.

Although some of these symptoms can be worked on in long-term relationships, they should be avoided if you're on the market or dating anyone young. In the long run, it's easier to find someone with whom you're compatible rather than attempting to reconcile major discrepancies between you.

A compatible partnership also feels better in general. I'm happy I came across one, and I hope you do as well.

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