Yesterday's Breeze

Elliot sat in his bed draped in his white sheets, his dark blue comforter acting like a shield from the morning sun. A scattered collection of papers sat atop his desk, a pen placed next to them. It was ten sheets, easily. All of them started the same way. The words ‘Dear Sarah,’ were scrawled in uneven lettering at the top, ink dragging off of certain letters. The knuckles of his left ring finger and pinky were stained black with ink.

He sat up and rubbed his temples. His head pounded from the night before, a bottle of scotch that was now only a quarter full the sole cause. He was still in his suit, his tie hanging loosely about his chest. He hadn’t bothered to change after getting home, opting instead to sit down and start writing. Elliot had never been one for words—he was soft spoken and never felt as though he’d much to say. But this once, he felt the urge to write what he could not speak.

Lumbering out of bed, he made his way to his chair and crashed into it, still feeling just drunk enough to attempt to write again. His eyes shot up to a folded piece of quality paper sitting on a shelf just above his desk, the words ‘Dear Elliot,” clearly visible and written in a fine cursive. He sighed and picked up his pen.

“Dear Sarah, there’s so much I wish I could say to you,” he slurred, his voice a hoarse croak. He picked up the pen and pulled a fresh sheet of paper from the stack. A breeze drifted through his open window, carrying with it the faint smell of flowers. He’d get it right this time, he swore to himself.

******

“Come on Elliot, we’re almost there,” she called back to him, a smile plastered on her face. Her blonde hair fell down her back like a curtain, and while it was normally a wavy affair, she’d opted to straighten it that day. She wore a navy-blue dress that fell down to her knees with pink lilies printed on it. Her flats hit the dirt path with hardly a sound, whereas every step he took was a hefty thud against well-traveled earth. He wore a dark grey button up shirt with purple stripes and a worn out pair of navy blue jeans. As he always did, he wore combat boots with fraying black laces.

The plan was simple. There was a trail in their hometown that, if one walked far enough, would lead to a waterfall. Elliot had never been—while he didn’t go out of his way to avoid the outdoors, he certainly didn’t look for opportunities to go out either. Sarah was adventurous though. She was always looking for ways to get out, to see a piece of the world that otherwise might be foreign to her. She’d take trips out of town just to drive down the highway for a few hours and get off in some town she’d never been to. Elliot could hardly believe there were people like that.

“Where are we going? That waterfall that everyone talks about?” Elliot asked, he was still about fifteen feet behind her on the trail.

“Just keep walking! We’ll be there soon,” she replied cheerfully, turning around to wait for him. His step turned into a jog as he rushed to catch up to her. She extended a hand for him to take, her nails painted a crimson red. He took her hand and felt her fingers wrap around his. “Now you won’t fall behind,” she said with a sidelong glance and a grin. Elliot just laughed.

The trees lined the path they walked, occasionally forming archways overhead with some of their low hanging branches. Sarah would shoot glances at them every so often, smiling a soft little smile at the way particular branches wrapped around each other and intertwined.

“You know, you didn’t have to come today. I know this isn’t usually your thing,” Sarah said almost as though she felt sorry for dragging him out.

“Of course I did, I’d definitely regret saying no when the company’s this good,” Elliot replied without a second thought. He felt the slightest bit proud of himself as he saw her blush faintly.

“Well, hopefully the view can match the company. This place is special to me,” she replied wistfully, her eyes locked on the bend in the road up ahead.

“Oh yeah? Care to share?” Elliot asked in kind.

“Once we’re there!” she was quick on the draw.

“Keeping me in suspense here are we?”

“Trust me, it’ll be better if you’re surprised.”

After about fifteen minutes of walking along the various trails, taking in the sights of the roadside grasses and the looming trees, the flowers and the animals darting through them, they neared their destination according to Sarah. The sun pierced through the canopy at times, bathing the pair in the golden light of sunset. The sound of running water echoed through the trees. The path was dotted with rogue stones here, each covered in a healthy layer of moss.

“Close your eyes,” Sarah said excitedly as she stood directly in front of him, arms out to her sides to block his path.

“You gonna lead me if I do?” Elliot replied suspiciously, a smirk on his lips.

“Yes Elliot, you’re in perfectly safe hands,” she said teasingly, her right hand outstretched.

“Okay then, eyes closed,” Elliot answered, closing his eyes as instructed. He reached out his hand and found it quickly seized once more by Sarah, who began running forward without sparing a second. Elliot ran with her, feeling nervous as he took his blind, bold steps forward. The sound of the waterfall grew louder as they ran, seemingly right next to them by the time they stopped. Elliot realized his footfalls weren’t making nearly as much noise as they had been on the path. The earth here was softer, and each step they made was accompanied by the rustling of grass.

“Okay, you can open your eyes,” Sarah muttered softly in his ear. As he did, he sucked in a breath of awe at what was before him. The falls were much taller than he’d ever heard, starting nearly forty feet up from where they were. The clear, cascading curtain of water fell into a pristine, spotless spring that was deep enough to swim in. They stood in a patch of marigolds that bordered the spring, the flowers going for about twenty feet in each direction. The trees parted at last here, forming a natural clearing around the place and allowing the sun to shine through unobstructed. Sarah laughed as she watched his reaction to it all. “Well, what do you think?” she asked expectantly.

“It’s beautiful. I’m surprised no one else is here,” Elliot remarked, seeing that they were alone. Sarah was beaming at him when his eyes fell upon her.

“I’m happy you like it. I’ve been coming here at least once a week since I got home from school. Helps me clear my head when things feel a little too busy. I usually don’t bring people here, but…” Sarah trailed off, her eyes shifting to the ground as her foot made minute circles in the dirt.

“But…?” Elliot begged the question, his eyes still on her.

“I just wanted you to be here with me, is all,” she replied quietly, a blush creeping on to her cheeks. Elliot took a step forward, closing the distance between them. Gently, he snatched her hand and took it in his. She squeezed tight, fingers wrapped around knuckles.

“I’m here.” He said this almost as a reassurance. His voice was hushed, and as they stood there together he was caught off guard by the sudden release of his hand and the wrapping of her arms around him, Sarah pulling him in for a hug. His arms fell naturally around her, and he felt as though he could stay in that moment for good. He didn’t need much else.

But the moment came and went, and all too suddenly did Sarah’s weight begin to push on him a little too much. She stepped back, appearing dizzy. Her eyes were filled with a momentary fear.

“Elliot?” she asked as she tumbled into the flowers, Elliot falling to his knees to catch her.

******

That was one of the last days Elliot had seen her outside of a hospital room. He learned that she had pancreatic cancer. That it was too late for anything to be done. That she likely had a month or two to live. Nobody had caught it in time, not even Sarah herself. Doctor after doctor said that it was exceptionally rare to see someone so young get it. She was an unfortunate, tragic outlier. Elliot had stayed by her side as often as he was able, sitting with her and listening to her talk well into the early hours of the morning. But sometimes she’d get tired early. Sometimes the cocktail of medicines and painkillers she was on knocked her out or left her too dazed to hold up a conversation.

One day, she had battled with her doctors enough and pleaded with them enough to grant her a temporary leave from the hospital, despite the recommendations of all to stay in bed. She called Elliot. She told him she wanted to sit in the flowers again.

“Fall’s coming. They won’t be around too much longer, you know.” Those were the words she’d spoken. Each buried deep into his chest and stayed there, festering. He hardly knew what to say beyond yes.

They hopped in his car and drove to the trails. He carried her bridal style all the way to the falls. He remembered it all—she wore a dress that day, one that was navy blue and fell down to her knees. It had marigolds printed on it, just like her special place. The skies were perfectly blue, the sun bright. The marigolds caught that light and bathed in its radiance. Strangely to both of them, it almost felt like there were more of them.

Elliot placed her down gently in the flowers. She sat admiring the view and picked one of the marigolds, placing it in her hair.

“What do you think, Elliot?” she asked with a smile. She was pale, her skin taut about her face. Her hair was hardly the vibrant curtain of blonde locks it had once been. Two months had come and gone, each of them taking their due toll.

“You’re beautiful, Sarah. You fit right in here,” he replied, a lump forming in his throat. She smiled a sad, wistful grin his way.

“I’d make a great flower, don’t you think?” she said with a strained laugh. She let her hand fall to the flowers, atop Elliot’s.

“Only the best. You’d be summertime’s golden girl,” he answered without missing a beat. He was softspoken at the best of times, but his tone was confident and emphatic. Sarah was caught by surprise.

“That’s corny, you know,” she giggled. Elliot couldn’t help but laugh with her as he felt the tears well in his eyes.

“Yeah well, it’s the best I’ve got right now,” he fired back in defense.

“I like it. You’re like some character in a romance.”

“Guess I’d better start reading a romance novel or two to step up my game, then,” he said with a wry grin. They were both playing pretend that this was happy.

“You’d better avoid those, they’re pretty bad. Besides, you’re perfect just the way you are.” Sarah said with a warm smile.

Elliot recalled those moments as his pen glided across the page, finally sending a reply to someone who would never receive it.

“Dear Sarah, there’s so much I wish I could say to you. But I’ll start here: I love you.”

That was a good start, he thought.