Woo Assassin

It began so mundanely: two pedal taverns in the streets of Nashville, each full of drunken rowdy bachelorettes. One tired trucker on hour 15 with no sleep, hauling radioactive goop. One innocent Minnesota woman on a business trip, exploring the city after hours.

But such are the elements of tragedy. At 11:15 pm, as our unfortunate Minnesotan Dellie Olson stepped off the curb at 4th and Broadway, Pedal Nash, Music City Pedal, and Terrence Gianno all clashed.

Gianno's truck hit Dellie before it overturned, launching her into the two careening pedal taverns. It was only by the intervention of some dark power that she wasn't killed, because in the next instant the tanker opened and sent a wave of mysterious chemicals into the twisted mass of white-booted legs, pink sparkly cowboy hats, and alcohol-infused blood.

Scientists still can't explain what happened. As Dellie tried to push herself up through the mound of inebriated tourists the chemicals began to work, melting and fusing the very essence of the Woo Girls with Dellie. What emerged from the smoking, stinking mess was a new creature. What emerged was no longer Dellie Olson, but a mutated nightmare with darkly twisted midwestern values and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.

Now she stalks the streets of Nashville at night, using her abilities to blend in with the bridesmaids and groomsmen, mimicking their every aspect. Then she strikes, absorbing their lifeforce until there's nothing left of them but dry husks in pink shirts and cut-off shorts.

Some call her a menace, some an avenger; she is both blessing and bane to Nashville's citizens. But to the men and women who descend like locusts on the city to wreak their pre-wedding havoc, this grim protector is only known as: the Woo Assassin!