Wish Upon a Star

“I’m here to kill the pests!”

A hollow laugh. A pale hand. A flash of gold.

Heart pounding, I jolted awake. Cringing at the sticky smell of sweat I was reminded of where I was, of who I was; in bed, alone and unwanted. As my head cleared, I heard soft singing coming from Elise next door. After a few grumbles I decided to get ready for the day trying to shake off the nightmare that haunted my life.

I picked up a pair of shorts and a crumpled t-shirt off the floor, tied up my running shoes, and headed out.

“Morning Elise.”

“Good Morning Dr. Hassan. Out for a run?”

“I am.” Laughing nervously, as I always did when someone called me “Dr.”

“Enjoy while you can. There’s a heatwave coming.” She gestured a fainting action with her hand and a smudge of dirt streaked her forehead.

“Will do!” I waved goodbye and she returned tending to her garden, humming an old tune.

I enjoyed the friendly company of Elise and her garden always brightened up the entrance of our duplex. For some time, I had been thinking of planting a little garden of my own on the porch. Perhaps this was the summer to brighten up my dreary space.

As I jogged away I reminded myself to ask her how she protected her flowers so well, especially with the roaming deer always looking for something tender and sweet to eat.

“Blood, sweat, and ding!” My Linkin Park tunes were interrupted with a text. I looked at my phone and was glad to see a message from my best friend Kathy. Kathy was an incredible human, I owed her my life. She was full of creative ideas, so encouraging, and we always had the best conversations about life and the soul. Recently, she had been the only one there for me as I was finishing up my thesis, and couldn’t eat or sleep from all the stress. How could anyone, when your life’s work and future is in the hands of five white guys deciding if you are worth it?

The text said to meet her at the beach. She wanted to introduce me to her best friend from high school, who had just arrived from out of town for a week-long visit. I often avoided meeting new people, but I trusted Kathy with my life, so a best friend of hers would be safe to meet.

It was only a five-minute run to the beach and I spotted Kathy immediately with her bright purple hair. I jogged over and she called to her friend who was in the water.

I saw her hair first. Golden. Then her smile. Gorgeous.

“Hi, I’m Mary, nice to meet you!” She said with a honeyed voice.

“Hey! Ya, ya you too.” I stammered out.

I grasped her hand to shake and it was as if the world suddenly stopped. She carried with her the glow of the sun and the freshness of the sea. I basked in both, tasting the salt on her plump, rose lips, breathing in the daisies printed on her swimsuit.

Bubbly laughter, lively conversation, and cool dips in the ocean enchanted me until the cider sun sank behind the hills. I never wanted to leave the dream I had just lived in for the past three hours.

Mary, oh Mary. She was something else entirely. I had to remind myself to not stare too long at her emerald eyes as she talked about her passion for collecting gems, her love of wilderness hikes and rock music, and her desire to open an art healing center for children. She was sweet but sassy and put me in my place when I tried to convince her about pyramid schemes.

I don’t like pyramid schemes, I was just being my dumb, testing self.

I craved, like a kid at a candy store, to touch her butterscotch hair, listen to the rhythm of her syrupy voice, and join in pleasure with her pure laugh. But I knew she wouldn’t return the same desire. People like her, don’t want people like me. My blood would stain her perfect ivory skin.

We eventually parted ways but planned to all have dinner at Kathy’s place tomorrow night.

I fell asleep easy that night and for the first time in a long time, the shadowy nightmares failed to show, singed by the light of Mary.

Kathy shooed me out of the kitchen as soon as I arrived and offered her help. She loved to cook for others, and loved even more to do it on her terms. I gave her the bottle of Merlot I bought and gladly joined Mary outside on the porch.

She was leaning on the rail, casually watching people pass by on the sidewalk. Something ruffled in the nearby bush and a deer shuffled out eating the tender buds, its green eyes reflecting the light.

“Shoo!” Mary scolded.

“Hey! You alright?” She jumped at my voice.

“Oh, hey!” — She exhaled relieved to see me there and the deer gone—

“I don’t like deer very much… a bad incident,” she added.

I shrugged, confused as to why anyone would be scared of such a gentle animal simply craving a tasty treat.

We quickly dove into a conversation about the concern of available fresh water and then our favorite ice cream flavors. Conversation continued to flow over dinner and soon we were back on the porch sharing dessert. We passed the joint between the three of us until Kathy got a call from her sister who needed some support soothing a recent heartbreak.

The warm breeze, starlit sky, and giddy vapor in our lungs roused our interactions to flirty debate and light touching of shoulders and hands. Mary’s laugh was splendidly contagious and it reminded me of the joy and wonder of blowing bubbles as a kid.

Her laugh halted when her fingers found the thin white scars traversing my forearm.

“There was a time,” I began explaining, “I didn’t want to do life anymore…”

She looked up at me, her moss eyes held empathy, an understanding of her own.

“…but life or God, or whatever you believe in had other plans, and I woke up alive, in the care of a stranger, well in the care of Kathy.”

Mary’s lips twitched into a soft smile knowing herself the exceptional, loving character of Kathy.

“From then on, I knew there had to be some greater purpose for me, something greater than me, some kind of light amongst the darkness,” I whispered, turning my misty eyes upwards to the night sky.

Mary hummed in agreeance and followed my gaze up.

We sat there for a while, sharing a still, reflective silence.

Suddenly, a big, brilliant light flew across the ebony sky. Both of our jaws dropped in surprise and in awe at what we had just witnessed; a massive and most radiant shooting star.

Our wide eyes turned towards each other and after a few blinks, Mary’s gaze softened into an inquisitive stare. I could see her thinking and her body rocked a bit forward and then back. My breath quickened and I closed my hazel eyes trying to dissipate the spinning sensation in my head, the deep pull of my body, craving. But when I opened my eyes again all restraint was lost.

Her gaze now burned with desire and we both lunged forward, lips meeting.

Hot.

Heavy.

Sweaty.

The heatwave had made its way through the streets and the sheets, and the intensity had me light-headed with euphoria.

Almost three weeks had passed since the shooting star, but it felt like a lifetime — in a good way. Our rhythms fit perfectly, our bodies fit perfectly, and it was as if we had been together for years.

Mary had extended her trip and moved her suitcase into my place. I was still looking for a job, so we had full days together. I had never felt so seen, so giddy, and so hopeful. My days had all blended into one dazzling dream, where all my wishes came true.

I loved everything about Mary, and even more so when she opened up to me about her autoimmune disease.

She told me she had to move in with her very conservative parents two years ago, as she was unable to work. She hated feeling trapped, often confined to her bed where she would nap frequently in order to keep the pain at bay. Despite the pain and the fear of getting worse, her inner spark never extinguished and she continued on her mission to find a cure. Whenever she felt low, she reminded herself of her achievement coming here to visit Kathy, as it was the first time in years she had felt well enough to travel.

I too confined in her. I told her how my dad left when I was twelve, how I was rejected from my extended family on either side because I was “too white,” or “too dark,” and how I got my Doctor of Philosophy hoping to just be more accepted. The doctorate didn’t change the way my family saw me, in fact, they were disappointed I didn’t become a real doctor.

I envied her normal family. She envied my normal life. She tried to convince me her family had a host of problems, I tried to convince her my life did too.

We made love every night to take us both away from the pain.

The heatwave finally broke on a Thursday and it rained all day. Mary ran outside at one point, dancing and spinning as the cool rain poured down her face. She came back dripping wet and red-eyed, but before I could ask about her time in the rain she darted into the bathroom.

I heard the shower running and playfully asked her if she needed help warming up. She said no.

That night before bed, I sensed something was off. Mary seemed restless and had been sleeping more the past few days. I could feel her pulling away.

I got scared.

I confronted her.

“I need to leave,” she whispered through her tears, “I’m not feeling well.”

“That’s crazy!" I protested, “don’t leave, I’ll take care of you, I love you.”

“No,” she replied more sternly.

I was stunned by her sudden coolness and I unexpectedly saw my dad that walked out the door, my cousins that turned up their noses, and all the people who rejected me, abandoned me.

“No, no Mary! I need you, Mary, I love you, Mary!” I cried out desperately.

She continued to shake her head, plump tears streamed down her tender face.

My dream, my salvation, my shooting star was crashing before my very eyes.

The words left my mouth before I could even assess their weight.

“Mary! Marry Me.”

The crying halted and she looked up with piercing eyes.

“Don't say that to me! I can’t, I just can’t… my parents… they won’t approve… we both don’t have jobs… my disease…three weeks… there’s too much… against us… I wish… I wish… I wish.”

I slept on the couch that night.

The next day she packed up her things.

She cried, I cried.

We kissed for the last time.

I couldn’t believe it all ended so fast.

I went for a long run.

I saw Elise softly humming in her garden when I came back from my run. Her garden had impressively bloomed into a stunning array of greens, purples, and yellows despite the heat. She greeted me with a smile, and I finally remembered to ask her my wondering.

With Mary gone I needed the distraction of a garden more than ever before. I needed hope for something beautiful.

“I see the deer eating the other flowers, but never yours. What’s your secret Elise?"

She laughed.

“Marigolds, my dear, they keep the pests away.”