Why me?

*--

I'm in no way special. That's a certainty I can see every day. I'm just one more in the group, but I do my best to keep up with the rest. I do my job and try freaking hard to contribute to our community, as everybody else does. You can see me going far away, farther than all of my friends, and still coming back on time, every time. Does that count as a gift? I don't think so.

I'm in no way gifted. Or at least that was all I could think of myself for the longest I can remember. Never feel like some kind of "chosen one", as they say, but now that I am seeing everything with a clarity that was never on me, I am starting to have doubts about that too. After all, if not for just being able to realize, then why was I given this opportunity to understand?

-*-

And why now, I would say? Why was I never before the recipient of such a miracle, when your brain finally connects and you see Life as you should have done it forever? Why is it only now that I am aware, conscious, and enlightened? Well, I guess I should know, if I am indeed all of that, right? And I do understand, but I can't find a proper reason that will explain it properly and justifiable to the fullest extent.

My everyday was like everybody else's: wake up, go out, explore, find, bring my discovery back home, help, contribute, grow, repeat. Never questioning why. Always willing to do it. But now I can feel the pain in the repetition; I fail to understand how all of this started and how it may end - not just for me but for all of us. Now, I'm starting to doubt if I would like to continue doing the same routine for what it looks like will be my whole existence, as short as that may be.

--*

And that's another thing: I see now in perfect clarity how I will be here just for a little while. I don't want to waste my "esse" doing what I do now. I want to do more, although I am not certain of what. But this can't be "it". That's not good enough. Even though everybody else seems to be happy with it. Or maybe, just maybe...I am the only one thinking about it.

So, who gave me this sudden rush of clarity, huh? If you can hear me: come close and take a good look at what you did! I was happy the way I was, with just enough thoughts to do my chores! Now, I don't think I can bear the weight of lucidity and comprehensibility you bestowed on me. What was the goal, other than maybe being an experiment on your part to see how I would react?

Well, maybe not as you may have expected. What am I, but a simple little ant?