When the rain falls down

I think it is clear to say that everyone has experienced and knows what those few moments before waking up are like. A reality where everything feels both imaginary and real at the same time. Those moments that we only see for a mere few seconds a day, were becoming hours within my mind. My body was in a deep sleep, but my mind was scratching away at the sides of my old desk that resides in the corner on the north wall of my bedroom. My mind was at the metal bar top in the pub that Aine and his partner ran. Though, they were never normal. They never would be and never seemed of the sort. Something was always off. Ear splitting vices from drunken fools without faces. Whispers that formed into yelling tales of pain I will follow into. The sights of blood coming from the walls, the bottles and the small drips that fall from my eyes when I do some how find a mirror. Though, everything gets foggy after

“FUCK!”

Cold sweat trickled down my forehead, my neck and my chest. It seems that everyone that I have that dream, I usually tend to have dried up blood on my face. It’s never really a problem, just a simple get a wet cloth and clean it up. If my girlfriend is up before I am.

She is up before I am only if she’s panting during the night. Katie never wanted to wake me up, even going to the point of trying to learn to pain in the dark. Waking up to seeing her frustrated by not being able to pick the right colors was the final push for me to get an eye mask so My Love could paint in the light. Sometimes, I would wake up to her drawing my sleeping body. I truly will never be able to learn how she can make me like myself even if I can’t stand the sight I see when I look into a mirror.

“Hey, hey, hey,, is everything ok Jin Jin..?”

All I heard was a soft angelic like voice calling to me, a voice that I felt like I haven’t heard in a thousand year. I carefully sat up as to not let my weight shift to fast, before turning to the silk of Katie’s bonnet.

“I-I,, I think that I will be ok. Just need to clean up quickly”

Although, Katie rushed out of bed before I could even think to move my legs. I don’t get why she takes care of me, it feels wrong. She’s my very own M.J who acts like she’s spider(wo)man.Yes, Katie hates being told she acts like a Spider-Man. Starts to mess with her dysphoria. So I tend to call her spider girl or my spider Gwen. My thoughts were cut short from hearing Aines deep sigh before it was shortly interrupted by Katie running in with a towel

“I need to start keeping a wet towel by the bed. This happens about 3 1/2 times a week”

“You count?”

Aines and I said in unison.

The morning tends to pass quick within my routine.

- shower

- Dress for the day

- Eat before brush my teeth.

- Go through the city to run errands for myself, Katie and the pub.

- Come back home, write and review articles

- Cook lunch for everyone

- Bartend at night in the pub

- Wash face, undress and sleep

Simple routines tend to be the ones we remember most, so simplicity is always my key. I’d probably start crying from pressure if my routine got too specific, BUT everyone is like that. Right? Despite the matter, i had already miss step one of the entire routine by a whole hour. Fuck. As my eyes see the time on my phone, I instantly force myself to rush out of bed and get clothes for the day. Now that those steps were taken, we may finally begin the beginning of what the day has set for me.