Whatever We Are

The night was chilly, much cooler than it should’ve been for the time of year. There was no point in trying to predict weather patterns anymore, though. The explosion had seen to that. Most days were either hotter than hot, or colder than cold. The rain made your flesh itch and humidity upset your lungs. You had to breathe through your mouth on windy days; no man could bear the stench that rode on the breeze.

Kiki sat in front of their miserable excuse of a campfire, threatening to peter out every few seconds. To her left, Lucas held a thin switch, roasting his lucky find of a rather healthy squirrel. On her right, the small child in their party had his brows furrowed in frustration.

‘I’m starving,” he whined.

“I’m working on it,” Lucas chuckled. “Don’t wanna get sick from raw meat.”

His patience for the boy named Bip was nothing short of incredible to Kiki. Each evening they sat for supper, and each evening he found a new way to get under her skin.

“It won’t be enough! Kiki always takes too much.”

Lucas sighed, running his free hand through his hair. “There’s a village north of here. We should reach it early tomorrow. If we can all find jobs, we might be able to scrounge up enough for a loaf of bread. Maybe even some cheese, if they have a cow.” Work was about as hard to come by as food, and the pay was measly.

“I don’t want bread.”

“Then you can starve,” Kiki said, avoiding the disapproving stare she received from Lucas. Bip jutted out his bottom lip petulantly, but still accepted his share of squirrel. They all chewed in silence.

“Bip” was not the boy’s real name, if he even had one. He’d been just a baby when they’d found him, unable to speak, unable to process the carnage around him. He resided in a caravan with people who were likely parents, brothers, aunties and uncles, and yet only he had managed to endure whatever killed his family. He was too young to have survived the explosion, meaning the bodies around him must have succumbed to dormant radiation poisoning or disease. It was a gruesome sight; there were flies buzzing all around the corpses, the only noise besides a chattering babe. The only discernible thing he could babble was “bip”, and so that’s who he became.

“We’re not your family.” They’d told him from an early age. He looked nothing like them, and they weren’t old enough to be parents anyway. Kiki and Lucas had only been 12 and 13, respectively. Six years had passed since then, each feeling a little longer than the last.

“We should leave him. We can barely take care of ourselves,” she’d reasoned, not liking the glimmer in Lucas’ eye as he rocked the wailing infant.

“He’ll die out here.”

“For the best,” she’d huffed. “Who would wanna live like this?”

“Don’t you wish someone had come for you?”

She hadn’t been able to argue with that. It was almost a full year after the explosion before she discovered Lucas bathing in the scarce remnants of a creek. She’d cried on the spot, so overwhelmed by the chance to finally quell her aching loneliness. If it had been anyone else, they probably would’ve run, or even killed her. But Lucas had been kind, was kind still, never allowing his grief to turn his heart bitter as she had.

Kiki glanced at the young boy, now asleep, cozying into the dirt with his arms crossed. Lucas began to retire as well, propping his head up with a folded arm. She hugged her knees to her chest, letting her gaze return to the licks of flame.

Neither of them had grown up with any siblings, so they hadn’t had the first idea of how to care for a baby. For a long while, it was a struggle. He’d cried, he’d kicked, he’d even gone hungry from time to time - but he’d lived, and in these times, that had to be considered a success.

Kiki taught him how to survive. How to catch a fish, avoid poisonous berries, nick a pair of trousers - “You either steal or get stolen from,” she’d explained, and he’d smiled his chubby-cheeked smile like it was the simplest concept in the world. It was Lucas who had taught him things like counting and reading, and how to communicate. Kiki felt a pang of jealousy when she watched them together, how they tended to each other. Any maternal instinct she was supposed to have refused to make itself known to her.

Reflexively, her hand flew to her neck, tracing the chain of her heart-shaped locket, the last tangible memory she had of her mother. The morning of the explosion, she had snuck into her mother’s jewelry box and placed it in her pocket, eager to show off to her classmates. “It’s real gold,” she’d bragged. “Not the kind that stains your neck.” Her only worry that morning was slipping the trinket back into the box before her mother noticed.

How naïve she’d been.

Kiki extinguished the remaining embers and closed her eyes.

When dawn came, she scrubbed at her face, still feeling unrested. To her left, Lucas had managed to scoot closer to her. She smiled as she stared at the ink-black expanse of his lashes across his cheeks. Though she would never admit it, his presence brought her feelings of comfort, possibly more. No, they weren’t parents, but maybe someday…

Again, she reached for her necklace, and her fingers froze. Kiki felt nothing where it should’ve been except for chill-bumped skin. She felt panicked. She obsessively began clawing in the dirt, when she realized the boy was gone.

She clamored to her feet and shouted his name angrily. Lucas stirred.

“The little brat!” she fumed. “When I get my hands on him, I swear I’ll...I’ll-”

“Woah, woah, Kiki. Calm down,” Lucas spoke, voice thick with sleep. He sat up. “Where’s Bip?”

“I don’t know! The twerp has run off and taken my mother’s necklace!” She could feel her face getting hot. Tears pricked at her already swollen eyes. “How could he do this to me? He’d be dead if not for us!” Lucas rose and put a tentative hand on her shoulder. She wanted to bury herself into his chest, but could not muster up the courage.

“I’m sure there’s an explanation. Let’s see if he made his way into the village.”

They packed their few belongings and made it to the outskirts of the village within the hour. The sun had fully risen, and a few people roamed the streets, casting anxious eyes toward the outsiders.

An old man sat on a porch, tapping his foot to a steady rhythm. They approached, and Lucas inquired if he had seen the boy.

“Yeah, I seen him,” the old man said. His mouth held few teeth and his words came out as whistles. “Asked where you sell somethin’ round here.”

“And?” Kiki pushed, impatient. The man chuckled.

“Most people are just lookin’ for somethin’ to stuff their belly with. But I told ‘im to try the pawn man. He might pull a quarter for that necklace if he’s lucky.” He pointed them down the main road, and Kiki stomped off with Lucas struggling to keep up.

The pawnshop, if it could be called that, was a small square building made up more of rot than anything else. The current roof was a cheap replacement of the original, and the windows were boarded up. A handwritten OPEN sign hung from a nail on the door, and Kiki all but threw it open.

Sure enough, Bip was standing at the counter. His eyes grew wide when he saw them and he took a nervous step backward, hands behind his back.

“Can I help you two?” The owner spoke, and Kiki didn’t even need to spare him a glance to know he was slime. The surreptitious lilt of his voice told her so.

“The boy is with us,” Lucas spoke up. He walked over to Bip and crouched before him. Kiki wanted to roll her eyes; if Lucas managed to fall for the boy’s charm, she’d have to teach them both a lesson. “Explain. Now.”

Bip produced the necklace, fiddling with it anxiously. He kept his eyes downcast. Kiki had to resist the urge to lunge for him and snatch it away. Instead, she finally turned her sight on the shop owner. He was a skinny weasel of a man, with an oiled mustache and a devil’s spark in his eye. His wrinkled face was split by a crooked grin.

“I wanted to go off on my own. I figured this would make me some easy coin until I can get a job.”

“On your own? Why?” Lucas asked.

“You two never listen to what I want!” Bip exclaimed, cheeks reddening. “You hate taking care of me. We’re not even family, you say it all the time.”

Lucas’ eyes looked a little sad. “If you want to leave us, we can’t stop you. But you shouldn’t have taken Kiki’s necklace.”

Bip’s eyes met hers now, much too hardened for a child his age. “It’s ‘steal or be stolen from’. That’s what you said, isn’t it?”

“Wise advice,” crooned the shopkeep. Kiki desperately wanted to shut him up. Her head was starting to throb.

“Well, I’ll have to steal,” Bip continued. “I have nothing left to lose.”

Guilt flooded her stomach. Kiki knew that feeling well. It thrashed within her when she was just a girl, climbing out of the rubble of the school building and limping home, only to find there no longer was such a place. It was a roaring numbness within her during nightmares. But she didn’t feel that way anymore. Now, it was something else - something that stole her breath when she heard loud noises in the woods, petrified of another explosion taking the only people she had left. Kiki shouldn’t have worried about Lucas if her own heartstrings were this easily plucked. She heaved a heavy sigh and walked toward her boys, hand extended. Bip apprehensively looked at Lucas, who nodded. He returned the necklace to her upturned palm, quickly, as if it might sting him. Her nerves felt slightly more at ease as she secured the clasp around her neck once more.

“Listen,” she spoke, voice suddenly hoarse. “We may not...we may not be your family, but we’re something else. Something that was meant to be. So don’t fight that. Stick with us and be a kid for as long as you can, okay?”

Lucas’ hand found hers. She squeezed back. They looked at each other for a moment, before getting interrupted by sniffles.

“Hey, none of that,” Lucas told the boy, wiping away a fat tear. “I think what Kiki is trying to say is that we’d miss you. And we’ll try to do a better job at being...whatever it is we are.” Bip nodded.

“I’m really sorry, Kiki. I didn’t wanna make you sad…”

“Don’t mention it,” she mumbled, averting his gaze. She suddenly felt shy, and so she turned toward the owner. “We have nothing to sell you today, sir.”

His sly grin melted and quickly turned to a scowl. “Out, then. Before I shoot the lot of you.”

Kiki snorted.

“Gladly.”

Bip climbed onto Lucas’ back, tired from his early journey. His round eyes slid shut. Kiki felt his cheek with fondness, something she’d seen Lucas do many times. She pushed open the door and led them back out into the unforgiving world.