What Happened Next...

I see the glint of her golden marigold necklace sparkling in the sunlight against her dark ebony skin. It was a small token, a symbol of our love for one another. She said she would never take it off and she never did.

Funny how you remember and miss all the little things. What I miss the most is the smell of coconuts and flowers from the creams in her hair. Her laugh was warm and it felt so genuine. It torments me as I see this twisted version of what once was my love reaching with outstretched hands. Her mouth in a twisted grin where lips were once sweet and soft. I watch her and the others from the rooftop of our home like needy hatchlings waiting for the feast. I look out at the streets of our neighborhood once average with so many people living their lives. It's tragic to know what was in store after the pandemic. We thought things would get better.

When she got sick I hoped she would pull through. In a twisted way I got my wish. At times I think to myself maybe I'll jump down and kiss her one last time as they rip me apart. It would be poetic, devoured by love and finally ending this nightmare. Sometimes I wish I'd gotten sick too. For a while I blamed myself. The last newscast was 3 weeks ago. It said what you'd expect "military blah blah blah…. Really help is really coming”. Who am I kidding...the power and water will go soon, food we stored will dwindle. If hope and wonder are still possible maybe someone somewhere will fix this. Maybe they will just find my blood stained journal. Maybe they will read the days and weeks that it took for the world to fall apart and maybe life will survive. I'll be a piece of it even if I'm not there. Then again...maybe I'll read it to my children.

I would tell them about both of their mothers and how they met. Our first date in the park admiring the gardens. When Mona pointed to a golden marigold flower.

I would tell them of our decision to try and have them. How we both chose insemination and each of us were trying.

How we both started throwing up the same day. We found out we were pregnant and the other was sick. At the time we thought no big deal, maybe sympathy symptoms. Things are better now we had the vaccine.

About two months ago people kept getting sicker and sicker. Many people died and many people went into comas. We thought they would also go peacefully and in the beginning they did.

As time went on though people… no not people things started to wake up in their place. They became what she is now.

I keep telling myself we need to find safety. That I will have our baby.

I worry that after the baby comes… I'll lose this fight, like I lost her.

I want to get the golden marigold necklace and save it for them. I want them to know what life was like before. What she was like how she would say my name. She would call me Jo or Ana and my name is Joanna.

She was a nurse and she cared for so many people and in the end only I was there to take care of her.

I'm about 4 months pregnant. I don't know what tomorrow brings so today I'll watch the sunset and reinforce the barriers on the windows. I’ll try to sleep and see where tomorrow takes us.