What Almost Was...

My story, it could have been happier holding onto my dream job for the rest of my life.

It’s like the Summer that Never Was! I looked forward to my 40th birthday and doing it up big!

All I really wanted was to go to Banff National Park, disappear, and finally have some time to relax! A much needed break from the taxing, juggling presence in my daily life.

Who would have thought the world would come to a complete halt… plans that were made, broken memories that never came.

I was forced to take an unpaid medical leave, never in my life would I have ever foreseen. The catastrophic effects something so unexpected could have. With each new day, I discovered a new sense of havoc it wreaked on my life.

One now filled with chaos… shattered hopes and dreams, lives falling apart, ripped at the seams.

I look back years later at what almost was.

With crushed beliefs, the only things left are hopelessness and despair, that soon overcame all my good. It took not just months, but years to move past a loss of this magnitude. Words never heard, emotions never expressed, no closure received, and self confidence replaced with self doubts.

To trust someone as a friend… be stabbed in the back, and gaslighted, as they play with your mind.

This world is truly unkind.

A loss of identity as your purpose and drive now stripped away both at home personally and at work professionally. It leaves one in dismay. Your belief in yourself had been stripped away. You struggle as you fight with your own brain.

Feelings of being unwanted, I am not enough, I’m a failure, and questioning your every decision. Indecisiveness moves in and lingers while you grow more and more resentment.

Days go by…. even months, and years have passed!

You keep telling yourself I got this! Even if I have to take it day by day, minute by minute, moment by moment, or breath by breath!

The years go by, and the seasons change, the “Summer that Never Was” sneaks back in through images played out within your thoughts. The “What Almost Was…” and “…It Could Have Been!”

There comes a time when one has to move on… it’s time to retire that sad, old story! The one that pulls you back and chains you to a tree. It feels as though you are stuck in some muck with a dream that will never be!

You hear a whisper in the wind…. A new dream is coming for me! The birds begin to sing as you start to feel a cool cold breeze rolling off the sea. The sun begins to shine a bit more brightly, the reflection shimmering in the distance.

A Yearning, A Calling, A Message Sent From The Heavens Above! A New Purpose, A New Identity, A New Life To Be Lived To Finally Set You Free!

You get a sense of this fresh start, as you envision what your life now could be! You set off in a new direction like an explorer on an adventurous journey!

The happiness inside of you comes alive and starts to dance, you feel like humming as the drumming of your heart beats a little stronger, you feel your soul singing as your mind becomes anew.

You once again feel the smoldering spark… set ablaze… as it reignites your inner fire! The hope and joy that comes fluttering in replaces the lack of self confidence and despair!

The heaviness in the air has finally been lifted! You are reminded of the saying that everything happens for a reason. Now you finally see why... as this becomes your Season!