Welcome to MIM!

Congratulations on your acceptance to the Department of Memetic Infrastructural Management! We appreciate your commitment to safety and secrecy. Listed below are tips and guidelines to help you as you settle into your new role. MENS PURA, MUNDUS TUTUS.

• As you begin learning more about your role, you may notice that some of the words used by your supervisors are difficult to understand, or even hear. Be aware that this is not a sign of any underlying medical issue. It is a part of a program employed by green through black level clearance called cognitive jamming or cog-jam. Concepts designated to green though black level clearance are automatically filtered by cog-jam in order to protect both the confidentiality of department secrets, and your personal mental wellness.
• No digital technology whatsoever is permitted on the grounds of MIM. Any employees who disobey this rule will be subject to immediate termination. All cell phones must be left in the guard tower at entrance C. If you do not own a watch, an analog watch will be provided to you. If your vehicle was built after the year 1977, you may apply for the use of a company car. However, it is preferred that you carpool.
• High Volatility Concepts or HVCs are the most dangerous part of your job. Obviously, they cannot be listed here, but they are transmitted (in order of likelihood) by speech, sight, smell and touch. If, after an interaction involving one of the four listed transmission methods, you experience any of the symptoms listed below, seek help from a Mitigation Officer immediately.
1. Confusion lasting longer than fifteen minutes.
2. Visual distortions "like looking through a prism/a broken window" or hallucinations involving deceased family members, pop culture figures, and/or pets.
3. A sudden ability to speak or understand foreign languages. Specifically Coptic, Hmong, Manx-Gaelic, Haitian Creole, Ainu or Russian.
4. Violent urges independent of rational provocation. Often coupled with a sensation of "sinking" or "floating".
5. Visions involving an early computer at the end of a dark hallway.
6. Songs that seem to "follow" you. (Jim Croce's "Time in a Bottle" is the most common.)
7. A strong feeling that someone or something is listening to your thoughts.

• You may notice that the main hall is difficult to navigate. At times, it may even seem like the hallways change if you look away for too long. This is an intentional security measure, and is of no threat to anyone wearing an employee or guest badge. To exit the building, simply continue walking in your current direction and take the next seven right turns.
• Never under any circumstances open a door without knocking. The approved knock is seven sharp blows.
• In the interest of keeping the MIM campus free of items that are HVC-Fertile, workstations may not be decorated with any item bearing strong memetic gravity. Pop culture, religious iconography, cartoons, animal figurines, images or replicas of famous buildings, replicas or original prints of well known artwork and calendars are all prohibited. If you are unsure whether your chosen decoration is prohibited or not, submit a brief description to the Department of Internal Memetic Detection on blue level.
• You have an optional one hour unpaid rest/lunch period each day. You may not use this period to write poetry, unless it is in haiku format. (5-7-5)
• Memetic anomalies on the MIM campus are very rare, with only five low-level events and two crisis level events on record since the department's inception. If you encounter a memetic anomaly, do not panic. Cover your ears, turn away and walk calmly and purposefully in the opposite direction before alerting a Mitigation Officer.
• If a crisis level event should occur: take shelter in the main hall. You may hide yourself by entering through the eastern doors and taking the next seven left turns. Do not exit your chosen shelter unless you hear an approved knock. (See 5th list item).

Good luck, remember your mantras, and don't eat fish in the breakroom.

MENS PURA, MUNDUS TUTUS.