Want to Leave 9-5 Behind?

There weren’t always dragons in the Valley. The San Fernando Valley, that is. And that empty niche is one that Dragon Shifters, Inc., a just-launched headhunter, is working hard to fill. Are you searching for a meaningful way to change your life? This might be exactly what you're looking for!

Begun just two years ago as a way for founders Jessica Delany and Tyler Holbert to fill their empty hours—and bank accounts—after losing their jobs at upscale Beverly Hills dining establishments, Dragon Shifters is one of the hottest new home-based businesses in SoCal. It's well known that pandemic shutdowns hit public service personnel especially hard. Jessica, a bartender, and Tyler, a maître de, both suffered the total loss of their livelihoods.

Until that is, they came up with an innovative new way to earn a living.

“We were sitting on our adjoining balconies one summer evening in the summer of 2020,” Tyler says from his new abode in the Hollywood Hills, “trying to figure out how we were each going to make our rent. Government subsidies were tied up in red tape, and although there was an eviction moratorium in place, we knew it would catch up with us sooner or later.”

“That’s right,” Jessica takes up the narrative. “We didn’t want to come out of the pandemic in worse shape than we went in. So, we started brainstorming. It was actually when Tyler brought his flat-screen out and set it up so that we could watch movies together, socially-distanced of course, that the strands of a plan began to come together.”

Tyler was shocked when Jessica admitted that she had never watched Game of Thrones. He was a huge fan of the show, especially the dragons. “I made Jess sit through the first season, binge-watching it while we scarfed down bowl after bowl of popcorn. I made the comment that being a dragon looked like a pretty awesome job.”

He and Jessica ran with the idea, never thinking it could lead to a new way of life. “We discussed how dragons never have to get dressed up for work or wear high heels or makeup,” Jessica says. “And dragons live in caves, so there’s no rent to pay.”

Tyler laughs. “Yeah, and no utility bills! Dragons make their own heat, internally. No car payments, not when you can fly everywhere. Life as a dragon can be pretty sweet.”

Their joking conversation led to posting memes on their social media accounts and soon they were contacted by a mysterious stranger, Mr. Shadrach, who asked if they were serious about wanting to live life as a dragon.

“At first, you know, we thought he was just some flake off the street. There’s a lot of losers out there trying to rip people off,” Tyler says. “But we finally agreed to meet the guy, in a public park, fully masked and all. When we talked about living as a dragon, we just thought the guy was harmless. And he was, harmless that is. We just had no idea that he was serious.”

I asked the pair how they discovered that Shadrach was a wizard.

“Well, right there in the park, the guy whips off his mask, which made us both kind of jump back. Didn’t want to get infected! But he pulled this crooked stick out of his pocket and pointed it at one of the pigeons eating garbage. He kind of waved it around and shouted this weird incantation and—presto change-o!—the pigeon transformed into a miniature dragon.”

We were definitely invested in the guy’s proposition by that point,” Jessica says. “But we told him we had to think about it. I mean, it’s not every day that someone offers to change you into a fucking dragon!”

Tyler and Jessica both laugh at the joke, small puffs of smoke rising from their enlarged nostrils as their tails twine together affectionately.

But was the change painful, once they decided to take Mr. Shadrach up on his offer?

“Well, it was a little uncomfortable, but totally worth it!” Tyler speaks for both of them. “And as it turns out, dragons don’t get COVID, so that was a huge bonus right there! No more social distancing. No vaccinations. No getting sick and being hooked up to a ventilator. Pretty damn awesome, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, and having gone through such a major life change together,” Jessica says with a fond glance of her reptilian eyes for Tyler, “we decided to move in together. This cave was vacant and there was plenty of room for both of our treasure hoards. And we run the business out of the front.”

Because in addition to their blossoming romance, once the two former humans had undergone the dragon transformation procedure and experienced a huge release from the worry and stress of their former lives, they decided to turn the process into a home-based business, with the pair doing psychological pre-screening, training clients how to live after the change, and even providing job placement services for those who choose to seek gainful employment, rather than simply raiding Beverly Hills mansions to collect treasure for their personal hoards.

“We now have successful placements of over twenty-five clients throughout SoCal, New Mexico, Arizona, and even Texas,” Jessica says. “One of our clients is now head of security for the largest cattle ranch in West Texas. And here in Burbank, we have half a dozen of our shifted dragons working in the big Burbank studios. One has a new feature film coming out in December, but we really can’t say anything about that right now.”

So, can anyone interested in becoming a dragon simply sign up for the procedure?

“Our waiting list is kind of lengthy at the moment,” Tyler says. “We are doing pre-screening through the website. But it can take up to two years to get on the schedule. Mr. Shadrach can only handle so many transformations in a day.”

Readers interested in being transformed into a dragon, and experiencing a new, stress-free way of life, can find Tyler and Jessica online at www.dragonshifters.com. But please don't try to seek them out at home without a prior appointment. The dragon couple are notoriously private, and uninvited visitors often disappear, never to be seen again.

Thank you for reading! Likes, comments, shares, follows, and pledges are always cherished, like a dragon treasures a cavern filled with gold. And books.

I have challenged myself to write twenty-seven dragon prologues/stories for the Vocal.media Fantasy Prologue Challenge, one for each day the challenge runs. Here's a link to my next entry: