Unravelling to Find Me

Chapter 1

It was nice--at the very least, better than home, although that's not very high praise considering that everything is better than home. From the outside, it looked like something out of a fairytale--a little cottage Snow White might live in. It felt like a place where you could breathe, where living wouldn't be restricted, where creativity would be encouraged, and where life would be worth living.

That's what one would think a teenage girl's response would be, seeing her uncle's cottage for the first time. I, however, chose an extremely different route. Rather than looking around and enjoying the breeze, or the meadows that were home to dozens and dozens of blooming flowers, I chose to rush inside and slam the door to my room. The sadness and hate I felt chose to express itself as pure, unfiltered rage.

The room was simple--nice, even. A queen-sized bed with white bedding lay in the centre, white drapes across the window, and a white desk in the corner. It reminded me of a blank canvas waiting to be painted, waiting to be handed its worth and given an identity. But once again, that was not the part I focused on. The only thing I had even the slightest interest in was finding something to smash, to break. To hurt. Like I was.

My rage-filled thoughts were interrupted by a knock followed by the squeak of the door opening. My uncle entered with his hands raised.

"Don't look at me like that, I come in peace. Just bringing you your suitcase, thought you might need it," he picked up my large, tattered brown suitcase from outside my room and placed it on the foot of my bed.

"Right, thanks. That all?"

"Uh, dinner will be ready at 6," he hesitated before continuing. "Adhara, I'm here if you want to talk, kid"

"Ok, can you please leave now? I'm going to take a nap or punch my pillow or something."

"Right, yeah. I'll be in my room or the kitchen if you need me," he said, finally leaving my room.

I closed the door behind him and then proceeded to sit on the edge of my bed and stare at nothing. It was exhausting being angry and hateful when all I wanted to do was cry in someone's arms and escape the mental prison my parents locked me in.

What is it I did so wrong that my own parents refused to live under the same roof as me? Where did I go so wrong? How did I fail as a daughter?