How to Train Your Unicorn

Congratulations! Despite incredible odds, you found a Malchezedek tier unicorn. It must’ve been a once-in-a-lifetime experience! So now you’re wondering how can you interact with this majestic creature again. Well there are things you should know and certain steps to follow.

You’ll need:

- A backpack and compass

- A bottle of white wine and goblet

- A bag of jellybeans

1) Go back to the same place where you encountered it, at the same time of day. Now that you’ve made an impression, that’s where he or she will meet you again. Don’t be discouraged if the wait stretches up to a half hour. It shouldn’t be much longer than that.

2) During your wait, pour the wine into the goblet. Carefully set it down somewhere in the middle of the clearing. Your goblet should be made of a sturdy metal, because one worthy of the creature will stand up even on grass.

3) Bring out the jellybeans and select 11. These should be the best-looking of the collection and, hopefully, each one at least a slightly different color. Grab a small handful also and keep those in your pocket. Put the bag and wine bottle back into the backpack and sling it over your shoulders again.

4) Place the 11 jellies in a circle around the goblet. Stand directly to the left of it. Count to 11 and take 11 deep breaths. Why this number? One is the sacred number of unicorns, in honor of their one magical horn. 11 is basically “double 1,” putting a special emphasis on it.

5) Let you head fall back with your eyes closed, resting with your face to the sky. Spend the next minute or so picturing, and thinking about, your future companion.

6) Slowly bring your head back up and open your eyes. Whether you feel it or not, you’ve made your psychic connection with the mystical being. It’ll be best to spend the rest of the time before its arrival repeatedly counting to 11 and then walking around the goblet counter-clockwise 11 times.

7) The creature appears! No matter where you are, go back to your original spot left of the goblet. It will approach slowly, deliberately, and stop halfway towards you. Now and get down on one knee. Pick up the goblet with your right hand and raise it high. The stallion will bow its own head.

8) Transfer the goblet to your left hand and hold it high again. He or she will then go down on the front knees. It’ll bow the head again, point straight down toward the ground. This is the cue that it has accepted your companionship.

9) Lower the goblet halfway and pour the golden wine over your head. Don’t worry if it’s a chilly day, you won’t feel any cold as it streams down your face. Bring your other knee down and hang your head to mirror the unicorn’s. You will probably feel an electric current flowing between your bodies for a moment. That means the bond is complete.

10) Now, you find the best jellybean to represent your companion. You pick it up from the circle and walk forward reverently. You should place it 2 feet in front of the creature and fall to your knees again, bowing. The creature will eat the jellybean and then step up to you. It will tap its horn on each of your shoulders in turn, like a monarch dubbing a new knight. You probably will feel like you’ve been knighted. In a sense you have. This is the first day of your new life with a unicorn companion! Anything you need, the noble beast will provide.

Now there’s only one more thing to do. Until you get in complete sync with each other, you’ll have to guide it along with the candy beans from your pocket. After a day or so, it won’t need the treats to follow you.