Unanswered

“Hi honey. I'm sorry I missed your call, I was in my meeting. I guess you must also be busy at the moment, haha. I'm sorry I missed you and sorry you've missed me, I'd love to have heard your voice right now. I'm on my way. This long distance shit is killing me, I can't wait to be back home, hopefully work never sends me this far away again.

“I can't believe it's only been two weeks but it feels like months, I'm wasting away without you by my side.

“I know you'll want to hear all about the meeting, and you'll be pleased to know it's good news. I can't wait to tell you, I want to see your face when I say it, so I'll save that for later.

“Right, my maps is saying my drive is four hours hun, so I'm going to hang up, get my music on, and lock in.

“I love you, and I'll see you soon.”

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“Do you still miss him?”

“Of course I do.”

“It's been nearly two years.”

“I'll never not miss him.”

“…”

“I'm hoping the pain will just… I don't know, get easier?”

“Has it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Has it got easier? In the last two years, has the pain got easier?”

“I suppose. It comes and goes. Some days I feel like I'm finally moving on, others I'll find myself crying for four hours straight listening to this on repeat just to hear his voice again.”

“Despite…?”

“Yes. John. Despite that.”

“Sorry, I just worry it's… I don't know, changed you."

“Of course it's changed me.”

“That's not what I mean.”

“I know, I'm sorry I'm getting defensive. Thank you, for letting me share this. You know, you're the first person I've shared it with.”

“Bit weird for a first date.”

“Haha shut up.”

“You could've bought me dinner, or taken me ice skating or…”

“I said shut up.”

“But no, here we are…”

“John.”

“Yep, got it, shutting up… Made you smile though… How often do you listen to this?"

“It varies, sometimes five times a day, sometimes twice a week.”

“And it hurts to listen to?”

“Every time.”

“That's heavy… It means a lot that you shared it though, but that's rough.”

“Yeah it's not great, but you just push through, you know? Live every day as it comes.”

“You get all cute when you get serious, you know that?”

“John.”

“Right, not the time, forgot my rule, shutting up. My lips are sealed. Firmly and securely, sealed.”

“Okay then John, I've shown you my private thing, it's your turn… Don't look at me like that, it was part of our deal. I show you this, and in return, you show me your secret private thing.”

“Mine seems insignificant now, let me find another secret private thing that's better and come back to me.”

“John.”

“Okay, but, I don't want you to see me any differently.”

“No promises.”

“He didn't die in an accident, Fran."