Un-triumphed Mirror

"I am but one in a world of many vast figures peering below. I have but one intent, I have staked my life to reach, I want to see peace before me. To create a nation I will paint a picture. I will paint imagery of the living. Written behind the bind of stereotype. I stay on stage amongst a debt of monstrous weight. The dead in each memory, I am surrounded by the shadow my heart cast. I thus I shall be captured unto memory. In the images will manifest what the people believe they need. I too shall bear their desires in mind as my own. I am aware that mere desire is not sufficient enough. Peace is not a dream but shall be reality. I am just a dream too far away to be seen in your reflections. Like a dream, forget your hopes bound to my masterpiece. In accordance, I will proceed as if I were but a fantasy."

Brand me a villain if you may, but know this, my will would be better coming to pass. The chaos that will descend without definite peace may be far worse. Aim for the highest, and you will make progress. Those are words that some choose to live by. But why shall not all be at lowest. If all was free and of the same cloth, without aimed prejudice or regret. Without transgression and despair. A world with the absence of true pain. Would that not be equality? Or perhaps that is forgotten? A lost fantasy to the citizens of this world. Only close your eyes and be safe. Only close your eyes and you will be truthful. Only close your eyes and all will be right. Forever insignificant and significant, everything and nothing, till old chains break, you and I will be in eternal peace. Pain, hatred, love, sorrow, greed, hope, happiness, solitude. It is all the same. People wish to feel relevant. People long to feel needed. They wake up searching this world for meaning in everything. The world is complicated yet so simple. The world is a cage without bars. Fettered people tend to create immoral decisions when cornered. I am not a hero, I am not a savior. I do not think of myself as a god. I am not greater than anyone else. I can't choose who lives or dies, merely the ones by my hand. Indeed do I kill for myself, but as does anyone for anything else. You claim that your acts are surely selfless and for the good of others. But you lie. You lie not to me but to yourselves. All acts are for one's own needs even if it does help another. It is not inherently bad or good. Not that anything in this world is truly good. All that is done is done out of self sanity or desire. Do not curse yourself for your selflessness that can not be helped. Nor to your "justified" kindness that excuses you from discomfort. Curse your broken minds bound to the chains of conformity. Curse the pain and inferiority that would allow you to think otherwise. Curse the lonely existence that gives meaning through the insanity of others. For all that you are convinced is the natural law, who is beyond your generational comprehension. Curse the blood and death that is of your own making. It is impossible for people to understand each other and therefore is impossible for peace. I am not a hero, nor savior. I am neither devil nor fiend. I am not good nor evil. I am but a man who will purge all that I view wrong before my eyes. As would any man who doesn't see right from where there is wrong. Lost creatures under a vast sky without certainty. Punishment and glory shape their reality. They believe in control and propaganda to maintain order. However, this hierarchy structure leaves risk for war beyond the borders of a nation. Even more so from within a nation. Humanity is not at fault for making people not want to spend another day on this planet. The misery under rule comes no matter what form of government. Perhaps it is not the current leader but leadership itself. It is human nature to find an advantage from what is equality. Since equality is unfair to those who wish for more power. If it was equal all would have the same power. Though the same, the form may differ, so that all may in turn be unique.

The heyoka Is before me in the river's reflection. He smiles at me. Do not be deceived. For when the scared clown smiles it is deep misery. Within a field of grass I lay amongst the land. Under Orion's constellation. As if deemed to be birthright. Whom the stars named who I am. That which is protected from the plague of man. Far from the known place man understands, my heart is buried underneath. If only I was heyoka. I would be worthy of that place. But fire does not belong in water. I am desultory. I am only happy when it rains. I am a weak and helpless soul. But underestimating me would be careless. I want to be alone to become put together. I know my true story will be forgotten. But I am like an arrow, once I am shot I seek out my target. I cry when the flowers do not bloom, when the storm ceases too early. I want to give everyone a chance to rest. I refuse to give in to chains that pull me below the surface. As long as I am with you my fire gives my strength, there is no place I would rather be than by your side. My mission is to find inner peace so that it is everlasting, until all our hearts are complete. I only ask for one more life, and that life to always say the same. I wish to be immortal. For my dreams to go on through the next. When no one is around in the midst that is when the truth will reveal. I am insignificant. I am akicita. A warrior who fights until the end. Farther with each step, harder with each breath, until the last heartbeat forward to my masterpiece. I wish I could grow with my tribe. I know nothing of many things of the past. But I have a new tribe. The people of the world that I am to protect. I shall suffer in silence for my people. I shall endure life times of pain for the sake of this eternal peace I wish to create. If you do not get why this would be necessary you think too much. Do not be blinded by the materialistic world we change along with. I see many ways. I see many lost going amiss. To the point nations will likely follow. It starts in the young, generational curse If I may put it, they are taught the way of war. A soldier uses a gun to kill when could instead use it to protect. Regardless of why he chooses his actions, that is the way of his superiors. A writer in turn uses a pen. He may very well create his own version of art, but he may just as easily use it as a weapon. Words can be even more dangerous than guns after all. The young are taught self, or by another, how to survive rather than live. To grow into adults carrying this way. Intent is more important than you may think. That is the structure of societies of the past. It is obeyed by the rules and if fortune favors you, your wishes may be granted. Such a narrowed path many lives still follow. That may be your will but I am not much of a gambler. Neither a slave that believes in what my master tells me. We all follow many paths. My mind has been made to see darkness. That is not my wish but the world makes it so. Though dark there's a light at the end. If you find the whole painting perhaps you seek freedom alongside me. After all, the world is not black and white. It is gray. There are many pleasant things. But there are just as many transgressions. I am not one to stay quiet about such injustice. So I learn the ways of war. I learned their secrets. I too learned many ways of life in the world. I need to know as much as possible about both sides of the coin, the ways of the world around me. I learn a great many subjects, cultures, and faiths and incorporate them all into my mind. I want to not just know knowledge but to be someone else entirely. This is when I found the true me. I became a unique kind of polymath inheriting an ideology from my own conclusions. Fascinated with all potential knowledge, tangible or not, that was my core. I drew the lines of my character, no longer would I abide with what was in front of me. In truth such knowledge was not necessary but what I wanted for myself. To make the fire in my soul rise more than ever. The fire was my hope. My shield and sword to protect my dream. I hold my hand out to you. Will take it. Be hesitant to say yes. There is more to the world than what's in front of the curtain.