Two Points of View

POINT OF VIEW THE FIRST:

My chow-chow dog, Bonzo, was mesmerized by what I was doing, as he was for all my human activities. I tended the pit, stoking the coals. He barked as each additional guest arrived.

"Bonzo, stop the barking! I mean it, Bonzo. No treat for you if you keep it up."

I grew impatient waiting for the briquets to catch fire in the barbeque. I sprinkled lighter fluid and they flashed, but then the flames retreated back into impotence. I emptied the whole bag of charcoal and used my tongs to form a pyramid. The universe and its entropy conspired against me, as the mound sat there, cold and inert. Then, losing my patience, I sat the empty charcoal bag to rest atop the pile. Another burst of lighter fluid and the bag went up fiercely. Bonzo barked again.

"Bonzo!" I scolded him. "These are our friends. Save all your barking for the vet. We can take a ride out to visit him if you'd rather."

Paper burns so fast. Smoldering paper begans to separate and waft into the air, glowing scraps of paper like little incendiary bombs poorly targeted. I followed one of them which drifted a few yards and landed atop Bonzo. He caught on fire!

I took the long barbeque tongs and jumped toward him to try and beat out the fire that was spreading through the hair on his back. He ran from me after the first few strikes.

"Bonzo, stop. Let me put out the fire, or you'll be going to the vet for sure."

I finally caught him and smothered what was left buring.

***

POINT OF VIEW THE SECOND:

What is he doing now. Hey! Whose that? I must bark. It's my job.o

"Bonzo," he tells me, "blah blah blah! Blah blah, Bonzo. Blah blah treat blah blah." Later, he says, "Bonzo! Blah blah vet. Blah blah ride blah blah."

He's pissed, because next he sets me on fire! Really! I am burning. Then —he starts beating me with those damn tongs. What the hell had I done now?

He catches me, yelling, "Bonzo, blah. Blah blah vet blah."

NOTE: No animals were hurt in presenting this story. Even Bonzo, who really did catch on fire and who really did think I was just beating him. Burned just his hair, thankfully.