Train Ride

I have an unexpected guest on my trip and it intrigued me most when she appeared in an instant out of thin air. I pick up nearly every soul that makes this journey and it is only the souls that have chosen their trip that appear as she has done. Clara, the name fits her bright aura. I can see her future, if she was not on the train, and it is like her, bright.

She sits alone on an old bench, curious about her new surroundings. First she notices the leather beneath her. It reminds her of an old horse saddle, worn and loved over the years. Next Clara sees the old fixtures that some would say give the car its charm. Once golden glimmering fixtures have now turned brassy from touch and time; as if on instinct Clara touches the fixtures as well, wanting to know if they are real. Like the soothing motion of the train car around her, Clara finally let her fingers caress the walls of the car. The wallpaper may once have been made of satiny velvet, but now the red has faded and become patchy. Her view of the train car saddens me; it reflects her view on both the world and herself.

The breaks begin to slow the car. Another stop ahead, I glance at my list. Two souls will be joining us now. I step into view of the souls whom I have already collected and walk towards the car door. The breaks continue to let out a screech as the conductor puts more pressure on them. Slowly, the train continues to lose speed in front of the station.

Slowly the building in the distance becomes clearer as the train makes its final lurch forward as the breaks stop the engine completely. This station is like all the others I have seen, a gray building with a single light illuminating the station door. “Sappington and Lindbergh” is splashed in big bold golden letters on top of the station roof.

Two figures exit the safety of the train station and walk towards the train. Hand in hand, they set their luggage down as they hand me their tickets. Both of their tickets give me pause. Their departure dates and times keep changing. It takes several long moments before their tickets finally settle on today’s date, but they are still not set in stone. Their trip to the end of the line might not be secure. I finally wave the couple towards the car entrance.

The man, Mavric, picks up both pieces of luggage much to his bride’s dismay. Rho starts to say something, but thinks better and just smiles at him. Mavric motions for Rho to walk ahead of him and in single file they enter the car.

After ushering the couple onto the train, I fade into the background once more. It is difficult sometimes to convince a soul that it is their time to go. Some souls can be quite stubborn, and my presence can hinder their journey. Much to the God’s dismay, I do not enjoy my work. Punishment and death are the only certain things in existence, and since I cannot die, the Gods commanded me to ferry every soul for all eternity.

Clara is still lost in her thoughts as Rho and Mavric take their seats across from her. As Mavric puts the luggage in the racks over head, Clara continues her inspection of the gloom outside the window. Sometimes the thoughts of these souls muddle my view of everything else in the train car. Despair is just as crippling for souls as it is for everyone else.

I turn my attention away from Clara and focus on my newest arrivals. Rho is striking with her hair in bouncy curls and red lipstick. She resembles a Hollywood starlet I once met. Her fair skin and dazzling smile remind of that spunky Ms. Monroe. Rho’s hazel eyes dance with playfulness, a straight nose that was almost too straight make her out of place in her time.

Mavric on the other hand, was handsome enough by the day’s standards. Defined check bones and a slightly crooked nose with a mop of dirty blonde hair atop his head. His smile is lopsided to the right and it gives him an endearing look. There is a small scar along his hairline above his left ear, the doctors had saved him that day, but maybe today wouldn’t be so lucky for him. Mavric may not be the classically handsome man, but Rho still looks at him like he has hung the stars just for her.

The couple’s view of the train car is as it was once intended to be seen. The fixtures are golden, gleaming with brilliance and the wallpaper vibrant red and smooth to the touch; just like the velvet had been painted onto the walls. Out the window, they see their hometown of St. Louis, tall buildings shine in the setting sunlight and the noise from the evening baseball game can be heard throughout the car. Mavric and Rho smile at each other, sad to be on the train headed away from those they love, but happy to be together forever.

It is souls like these that sadden me. So much potential in their futures, and it is still uncertain if they will ever see it. I have seen a variety of souls in my travels; some have chosen their trips while others have lived full lives and still others have their trips chosen for them by fate or other souls. Their trip information can all be found on their tickets.

Rho kisses her new husband on his check and leaves a red lipstick print on his freshly shaven face. She flashes him another dazzling smile and laughs as she wipes off the lipstick with her thumb. Her laugh is contagious, and it brings Clara’s attention to her new travel companions.

Clara’s inspection of the couple brings a smile to her face. She wishes for someone to love her as Mavric obviously loves Rho. Even in her gloom, she finds love where she thought there would be none. Clara continues to look back and forth between the landscape outside her window and the couple across from her. It is not until Mavric speaks to Clara directly that she fully focuses on the young couple.

“How are you this fine day?”

Clara’s face betrays her private thoughts. She cannot imagine this man saying the gray misty gloom outside as a fine day. Mavric in turn wonders why Clara is so dreary when there is a beautiful sunset just beyond the windowpanes. Each does not know that their view is different from the other, for every soul’s journey is different from the next.

“What do you see out the window?”

Mavric gazes first at Rho and then past her to his beloved hometown.

“I see the St. Louis train station, downtown life on a busy Sunday evening. Why? What do you see?”

Clara slowly nods, her long chestnut hair falls in front of her face, hiding the tears that silently threaten to fall from her eyes.

“Never mind that, I am fine. Thank you. What brings you here today?”

Mavric’s seemingly permanent smile falters. Clara’s question is tough to answer, not because the answer is hard to explain, but because it was supposed to be a happy day for them.

“Car crash I’m afraid. We were headed to the airport for our honeymoon and this car ran a red light.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, must have put a damper on your day.”

Rho smiles at Clara and shakes her head slightly; her brown curls dance as she does. Rho’s smile does not betray her sadness about her train trip.

“At least we are together, that is what matters.”

Rho turns back to Mavric and smiles; the love between them is simple yet strong. My thoughts mirror Clara’s; I am saddened that they are here.

“What about the people you left behind?”

Clara’s question surprises me. It is not often that souls who have chosen their journey think about those whom they have left behind. These souls are usually so lost in their own hurt and despair that they see only themselves. This gives me hope for Clara.

Rho looks at Clara with tears in her eyes. Sensing his wife’s distress, Mavric drops his head to rest on the side of her face and whispers sweet nothings into her ear and gives her shoulders a squeeze.

“They will manage.”

Clara nods her head again, accepting and contemplating Mavric’s answer. She gazes back out at her rainy countryside view and sees the starting of a sunrise in the distance.

“What about you? Why are taking the train today?”

“Myself. I have put myself on this train.”

Mavric glances at Rho; immediate understanding at Clara’s answer, and wonders why. Neither asks for further explanation from Clara, they simply let her gaze out the window and worry for her.

These three souls sit in silence for the rest of the journey. There are no further stops tonight; my list was unexpectedly short for this trip. Just five precious souls travel tonight, some with choices to make.

Beneath us, the breaks begin to squeak again, the pressure from the breaks sends the car forward slightly from the sudden change in speed. We are approaching our final destination.

I walk down the aisle and visit each passenger in turn. Joe, the old Military veteran had just wanted to relive his glory days by going paratroop jumping one last time. Unfortunately, his heart just could not take the adrenaline. I feel his distress as I usher him towards the exit. Joe worries for his wife, Emma, whom he did not want to leave on her own. What he does not know is that Emma will see him again in just three weeks’ time.

Little Katie has been a frequent soul on my trips. Such a strong spirit for a girl of only ten, but over the last few trips, I can tell that the cancer has taken its toll on her. I take Katie’s ticket again, just as before her departure date is changing constantly; her journey is still uncertain. I kneel beside Katie and ask her again, “What shall it be little one? Another trip back or do you wish to depart?” Katie drags her eyes away from her window scene, a rollercoaster park, one that she has never been able to visit because of all the hospital stays. “I cannot stay.” I nod and offer Katie my hand.

“Tickets, please.”

Mavric and Rho hand over their slips of paper; gold and silver flash in the light from the sconces as I glance at the departure dates. Rho’s ticket has today’s date typed in bold black ink, while Mavric’s ticket’s date still flickered in silver and gold.

“Ma’am I’m sorry but this is your stop. Sir, I can offer you a passage to the start of the line if you wish.”

Rho can no longer contain her tears and she buries her head in Mavric’s shoulder. Mavric is pained by his choice, does he stay or does he leave? Not many people get such a choice when they depart on this train.

“You should go back Mavric, you shouldn’t give up what could have been.”

Rho’s words are muffled by Mavric’s shoulder. It is rare that couples have a choice such as this.

“You are my what could have been Rho. There is no way I’m leaving you here alone. I’ll get off her sir. Thank you.”

I glance down at Mavric’s ticket, this time his departure date is typed in bold black ink. His possible future vanishes from my vision; no longer possible after his decision. Rho and Mavric exit the train as they entered it, holding hands and in love.

Clara’s hand is already outstretched when I turn to her; a gold and silver paper dangling from her fingertips. I stare at Clara for a moment. She is still thinking of her mother and sisters; how would they deal with her leaving? Would they even miss her? How would they react when she was no longer at dinner every night? Would she take the trip to the start of the line if it was offered? Did she even want the option of returning?

The ticket in my hands is facedown, threads of silver and gold woven together in a pattern of Lilies, books and teddy bears; a few of Clara’s favorite things. I turn the ticket over and look for a departure date; her date keeps changing. Clara has a choice to make.

“Miss, I can offer you a ride back to the start of the line if you wish it.”

She does not speak for several moments. Clara is focused on the figure standing on the station platform just beyond the train car. A man in his mid-30’s stands waving at Clara. His eyes the same color blue as her own. Her sisters had such wonderful memories of a man that lived only in pictures for Clara. She wonders what it would have been like to know him growing up. Would she still be on the train? How would her life be different if her father had not died in that car accident?

Clara closes her eyes and for the first time, lets her tears fall. I feel her frustration and sorrow as each tear hits the old leather seats.

Clara’s focus is no longer on the scene outside the window, but on the mirrored image of the car within. Old fixtures, leather benches and an old tired looking man. He has pale skin that may never have seen sunlight, bright violet eyes that dance in the sconce light and a short gray beard. The man in her mirrored view wears a suit that had seen better days; patches seemed to be keeping everything together and ash was prevalent in several places.

Questions flash through her mind as she looks at my reflection. What does she want? What has she left behind? What could have been?

“I’ll take the ride back I think.”

I hand Clara back her ticket.

“Very well, the trip back will not be as long.”

The beeping is what wakes her; at first she does not open her eyes, Clara is confused about what she remembers of her dream. A young couple, an old man and a train car; how strange that dream was for her.

Clara opens her eyes slowly, blinded by the light coming through the window across the room. White walls surround her and machines take up the wall above her head. She slowly moves her arm, realizing the tubing attached to her is what is causing the beeping. On her left, a door opens.

“Oh, Clara!”

A short stout woman with salt and pepper hair runs towards Clara and gathers her into a hug. The woman is crying with happiness that her daughter is finally awake.

“You gave us such a fright. What the hell were you thinking doing something so stupid? What about me and your sisters? Did you think about any of us when you thought about that plan of yours?”

The woman continues to lecture Clara as she paces the tiny hospital room, her arms waving in grand gestures. Clara watches her mother and keeps silent. She knows now that she had made a horrible decision with her attempt.

A newspaper lies in Clara’s lap; her mother must have dropped it in an attempt to hold Clara closely. The headline catches Clara’s attention first. NEWLY WED COUPLE DIES IN HEAD ON COLLISION. Then she flips the paper over to reveal a picture of Rho and Mavric, smiling widely at the camera as they drive away from their ceremony.

I stand in the corner of Clara’s room and observe her reaction; she thinks back on her dream and what she learned from Rho and Mavric. Looking at Clara, her future becomes stronger as she continues to think; once weak threads of time become full patterns of possibilities in a future that will be long and fruitful. I know that I will not see Clara’s name on my list again for several decades.

My list becomes slightly warm in my hands; a name has been added; I close my eyes and think of the soul.

Clara looks around her, looking for the source of the smell of ash. In the distance, Clara can hear a faint whistle as the train leaves her behind.