To Kill Time

Aiden feverishly punched in his password and watched his screen pause as it loaded. A second longer and he might bash his monitor. The screen updated, showing Aiden his bank account. $0.00. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his temple. His heart beat uncontrollably.

“FUCK!” Aiden screamed as he slammed his fist on his desk and launched his keyboard into the wall beside him. It was all gone. They figured out what he was doing, and they found him.

****

Keychains jingle in my hand as I shove a key into the deadbolt of my apartment door. Three twists to the right and the deep navy metal door swings open, nearly whacking against the wall behind it. I step into my apartment and place both of my overflowing grocery bags on the uneven wood floors. I tap the edge of the door with my heel, giving little force, but still causing it to slam into the doorframe, making the walls shake. I wince, expecting to hear my mom yell from down the hall, “I have told you a thousand times, Maeve! Do not slam the door! For the love of God, please gently close it otherwise Sue is going to leave a note on our door again. I cannot deal with that woman anymore.” Instead, there is silence.

I tug on the two bags and drag them down the narrow, dimly lit hall to the kitchen area, floorboards creaking with every step. With a deep breath, I swing both bags onto the kitchen island with a little more force than anticipated, sending one of them straight off the countertop and taking a baseball cap sitting on the corner with it. I dart around the island and tenderly pick up the cap, running my fingers across one of its tattered edges. My dad’s favorite hat. This hat hadn’t moved from its spot on the corner of the island where it was left two years ago, and I wasn’t about to put it anywhere else. I position it right where it had been, slightly angled towards the window to the right. Like it had never been touched.

Abruptly, I hear a thud against my front door, and the handle starts to shake. Within seconds, the door flies open and in walks a tall, lanky boy. His long, curly, chocolate brown hair bounced with each step. The boy drops his book bag and closes the door gently. Something my mom also taught him.

“What’s up broski,” I muffle into his shoulder. “Long time, no see.” I pull away to look up at Jacob’s permanently cheerful face. I’ve known Jacob for years, since we were little kids really. Both our families moved onto the same floor of our apartment building within months of each other. Both our parents were transplants from the midwest who had children the same age. They bumped into each other a handful of times in the hallway and it was history after that. We practically grew up as one big family. When my parents disappeared, he was my rock. When his parents disappeared, I tried to be his. Although he took it all considerably better than I did.

Except something was very different this time. Jacob’s face did not exhibit his usual toothy smile and bright eyes. Rather, it was twisted in a very unfamiliar way. Almost confused but without a doubt shaken. I have never experienced Jacob like this.

“What’s wrong?” I hesitantly ask. My eyes scan his.

“I think something’s happening. I think I might have another clue to the countdown.” Jacob mumbles, as if he can’t even fathom what he’s saying. My breath catches in my throat. I grab Jacob’s wrist with my right hand and bend over to pick up his book bag with my left. With a quick squeeze, I guide Jacob through the hallway, past the kitchen area and to the living room, sitting him on the couch. Without a word, I turn my back to Jacob and pad over to an old, wooden desk placed opposite the couch. Pulling open the middle drawer, I shift around the pens and little notepads cluttered on top of my semi-purposefully hidden notebook. With pages of copy paper, newspaper, and colorful posit-it’s sticking out past the edges of the cover, I delicately glide the notebook out from its hiding spot and plop down on the floor, opposite of Jacob, using the coffee table as a workspace.

“What does your countdown look like right now?” I question Jacob as I grab my phone off the table.

Flicking his watch to face himself, he replies, “I have like two weeks and some change. Not so worried though. It usually gets bumped up to a few years at one week left.” Jacob rubs his eyes then runs his fingers through his hair. “Where are you at?”

I push the lock button, and my phone lights up. A continuously changing number in the upper right hand corner of my phone screams 3 days, 14 hours, 28 minutes. “I have a little less than four days.” I mutter as I try to keep my heart rate at a steady pace. “It’s fine though, I’m sure we’ll both be good,” I tell both Jacob and myself.“So, what happened?” I implore, pencil in hand, ready to take notes.

“That voice in my head?” Jacob whispers as he continuously points to his forehead. “Yeah, he showed up in my room.”

****

“In through the nose, out through the mouth.” Aiden repeated to himself over and over again, attempting to get a grip on his racing thoughts. He always knew this was a possibility. Luckily, Aiden’s paranoia worked out in his favor, and he had already built out a contingency that was ready to be used whenever necessary. Unfortunately for him, that time was now. Unplugging his monitors and tower, Aiden grabbed his luggage and carefully placed his computer and laptop along with his computer accessories in the belly of the bag. With his pre-packed duffle filled with essentials slung over his left shoulder and a tight grip on his rolling suitcase, Aiden peered back at the room that had been his home for the past year. The dark maroon floor to ceiling curtains only let slivers of light cascade into the rest of the room, illuminating parts of an unkept bed, a now empty desk shoved in the corner with a half propped up laundry rack leaning onto it. The mustardy green paint wouldn’t have been his first choice, but the room served its purpose well. Aiden slowly pulled the door closed until he heard the latch softly click. Tip-toeing into the kitchen, as to hopefully not run into his roommate, Aiden rummaged through his duffle until he found a white, thick envelope. Sliding it onto the countertop, the thick black lettering on the envelope read “One Month’s Rent”. Fortunately for Aiden, both him and his roommate work in the same field and both didn’t want anything to do with the other's dealings. In fact, Aiden had maybe seen his roommate all of three times and couldn’t even tell you his real name. It made things easier that way.

Aiden dropped his house keys on top of the envelope, turned on his heel, and headed out the front door, not taking a second to look back.

****

I’ve only been exceptionally drunk one time in my life. It was my twenty-first birthday and as a surprise, my friends mapped out the “perfect” birthday bar crawl. Think NYC SantaCon but instead of thousands of people, it’s actually five sloshed, highly annoying girls attempting to travel from bar to bar, persuading any and everyone to buy us shots. Did it work? Absolutely. Did I maybe have a little too much fun? Absolutely.

As fun as it was, I learned an unfortunate lesson that night. The spins suck. Sitting, standing, laying on my side, my back, my stomach, eyes open, eyes closed, it didn’t matter. I felt like the world was rapidly swirling me down its toilet of death. From that moment on, I swore I would never allow myself to experience that ever again.

Until today. Not a sip of alcohol and my head is spinning even worse than I had ever experienced. “What do you mean he showed up in your room?” I say to Jacob, pulling my knees close to my chest and shoving my head in between them.

“I don’t know Maeve, I was literally just waking up. I got out of bed and grabbed some clothes from my dresser then looked out the window to see what the weather was like. When I turned around, there was a dude just standing there.” Jacob swings his legs up on the couch and lays down, weaving his fingers together to support the back of his head. “He seemed so real.”

I lift my head, “Did he say anything or you just saw him?”

“All he said was, Hey I know you don’t know me and I know this is weird but I just wanted to see you. Which at first was really fucking weird because I know for a fact I’ve never seen this dude before. But his voice repeated over and over in my head, and I realized it’s the same voice that I HEAR in my head.” Jacob’s eyes pop open and dart over to me. “I didn’t know what to do,” Jacob throws up his hands as if in defeat. “It’s not like I have a gun or something to ward off intruders. The only thing I could think of was trying to get a photo of him. So I started moving towards my side table to unplug my phone, but by the time I took legit two seconds to look down and grab it, he was gone. Like gone gone. I feel like I’ve lost my mind.” Jacob props himself onto one of his elbows, his whole torso facing me now. “I seriously can’t tell if I’m imagining this, or if the dude was really there. But his voice. I swear it’s the exact one I hear.”

Now it’s my turn to close my eyes. The voice is something Jacob and I discovered we both had not too long ago. You always hear about how most people have inner monologues when they read a book or think really hard. But one day, Jacob and I discovered that we both have a second inner voice. One that doesn’t seem to belong to either of us. It’s as if they’re intruding thoughts that we pick up from a random person. Except most times it has everything to do with what we’re doing at the moment. It says what it wants and won’t stop repeating it until it gets what it wants. Up until recently, I thought everyone experienced this. Boy, was I wrong.

“Have you been hearing the voice a lot recently?” I ask.

“That’s the thing,” Jacob replies. “It’s been radio silence. And usually I hear it a lot more the closer I get to the end of the countdown. But then this happens? What if those theories are right? What if we are just one big experiment and that was the guy who monitors me? Like at this rate, who knows.” Jacob exhales, exasperated.

****

Aiden manually unlocked his car door, eager to turn the heat on and thaw his body. The walk to his car is a short minute or two but 30 degrees with windchill is no joke. Aiden slipped his phone out of his pocket once his fingers warmed up and took the case off, revealing a folded piece of paper. Gingerly unfolding it, the paper revealed a phone number, one he had reserved for emergencies only. Aiden slowly punched in 10 digits, taking a deep breath before tapping, “Call”.

Breathe in. Ring ring. Breathe out. Ring ring. Breathe in. Ring ring. Breathe out. Ring ring.

Aiden’s finger hovered over the end button, coming to terms with the likelihood that his call might not be answered. Seconds away from pulling the phone away from his face, Aiden heard a light click and then silence. He quickly glanced at his screen and sure enough, the minutes of the call were being counted. They answered.

“Hello?” Aiden cleared his throat, unsure of who he would hear on the other end. Nothing. “Um, hey?” Aiden started bouncing his knees as he attempted to greet the silence again. “Listen this was the number I was given to call. All the numbers are right so either they gave the wrong number or you’re who I’m supposed to be talking to.”

The air hung heavy in silence. “Hey man! What’s up, I’m just fucking with you,” A males voice boomed through the phone’s ear piece. He laughed a deep belly laugh. “How’s it going dude? You must be in some deep shit, huh? Man I always told you, don’t mess with those dudes. The things they have you doing, they’re clearly not the good guys” The man sighed in amusement.

“Hey man,” Aiden replied. Truth be told, he didn’t know this mystery man’s name either. Apart from his online name, 5K1PP3r. “Good to hear your voice rather than just reading words over a screen.” Aiden replied. “But listen, I need a place to set up shop for a day or two. No more than that I promise. I know it’s not ideal, but I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t an emergency. You got a secure place you know of?” Aiden tapped his fingers on his knee. “I also might need that money I loaned you.”

“Ah sheesh man, yeah okay.” The voice breathed out, clearly unsure of his decision. “I don’t really have a secluded spot, but you can stop by this apartment I have. But make sure to follow these directions to a tee.”

****

I rest on the couch where Jacob had been just a few nights before, scanning the page I had scribbled on. I’ve never been an artist but this face definitely looked like a person, so there’s that at least. The man had shaggy, unkept hair. Jacob said a dirty blonde. His beard was patchy, also unkept, making the man look like he was at least in his mid twenties. His eyes were almond shaped and his face round. My finger traces the small scar that almost danced along the top of his left cheekbone. It didn’t appear deep or severe but almost as if someone had drawn a line with a paperclip along his face. I wonder how he really got that. Honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that he broke into Jacob’s apartment, I wouldn’t think twice about him if I saw him in the street.

A loud, rapid banging erupts from down the hall and the handle of my front door starts to jiggle ferociously. Banging again and then jiggle of the handle. I dart to the door and peer through the peephole, Jacob’s pink face. I open the door and Jacob almost falls, not having expected the door to open when it did. His keys fall to the floor, and he quickly reaches for his pocket, his entire body shaking. He swings his arm up, bringing his brightly lit phone inches from my face. In the top right corner were no longer two weeks but sixteen minutes.

“It depleted. I don’t know how but this morning I woke up and my time was nearly run out. It’s over, Maeve.”

****

A four hour drive later, Aiden pulled his hood over his head as he approached the front door, suitcase dragging behind him. Tapping the door three times then turning the doorknob to the right four times, Aiden took a half step back and waited for the door to open.

“Yes?” A voice drifted through the door. Aiden took a deep breath before repeating the stupidest code phrase he had ever said before in his life.

“Pineapple pizza is for pussies.” Aiden breathed out, seriously questioning the idea that a dude as smart as this one could also potentially be a twelve year old. The door opened, dragging across the carpet, creating a half moon shape indent. In front of Aiden was a shorter, chubby man. He wasn’t twelve, but he also clearly couldn’t grow a full beard. He had this little scar on his cheek, making Aiden wonder what kind of trouble he got into. His brown eyes were friendly, and he grinned widely as he extended one arm towards the inside of his apartment. If you want to call it that. Now Aidens humble abode wasn’t anything to write home about. That being said, this guy literally had one air mattress pushed against a wall with a taped up cardboard box next to it, presumably being used as a side table, dining table, coffee table mix. Three lawn chairs were scattered throughout the room, one looking considerably more used than the others. 5K1PP3r closed the door behind Aiden.

“Did you make sure that no one followed you in?” 5K1PP3r yelled to Aiden as he walked to the other side of the apartment. “I’ve been having some problems with people following me.”

“Not that I’m aware of.” Aiden replied as he started to unpack his computer. “Hey dude, so that money. I kind of need it back now. I’m drained, and I need to resubscribe. I’m risking losing completely at this point.” Aiden peered up from his makeshift set up to 5K1PP3r, who was sitting in front of his three monitors placed in the opposite corner of the room.

“So about that…” 5K1PP3r twirled a few strands of his scraggly beard. “I tried the code! And guess what, it worked! I made it in there. I could speak, they could see me, it was pretty freaking awesome.” 5K1PP3r exclaimed, clearly much more excited than Aiden. Aiden’s face began to turn red, and 5K1PP3r sensed the tension growing. “I know you said the code wasn’t ready, but it was! Kind of. It glitched out after like 30 seconds and booted me out. And then the moderators saw that I attempted to revise their code. So anyways, they kind of froze my account so I can’t really pay for my subscription or pay you back.” 5K1PP3r sheepishly drew circles in the carpet with his toe. His embarrassment lasted mere seconds. “But ultimately, it worked dude! This could change so much!” 5K1PP3r beamed, eagerly waiting for Aiden’s response.

All Aiden could do was bury his face into his hands. It really was over. Not only was he now indebted to his employers who 1. figured out he was slowly stealing from them to pay for this and 2. Are probably in search of him now to get all their money back, but now he was forced to forfeit the only thing that truly ever mattered to him.

“Fuck it.” Aiden replied. “Hook me up dude. I have to go in.”

5K1PP3r handed Aiden his VR set.

****

My eyes widen in horror at the realization of what was happening. I tug him into the living room before turning him to face me. I put both my hands on his shoulders, afraid if I didn’t have something to hold onto, I might collapse.

“There has to be something we can do. The countdown never depletes faster than usual. Did you do something? Should we turn off your phone? Maybe it’s just a glitch.” My head is racing through every possible scenario.

Jacob stands in front of me, his eyes starting to glaze over as he stares out the window over my shoulder. He takes a deep breath, “There’s nothing we can do, Maeve.” His eyes shift down to mine. “I don’t know what’s happening, but you and I both know there’s no way we can change this. It is what it is now.” Jacob’s numbness to the situation is frightening. I dig my toes into my mustard shag rug, willing myself not to cry.

“You can’t leave, not yet.” I throw my arms around him. “I am not letting you go. You can’t. You’re my best friend.” My eyes squeeze shut as I bury my face into his shoulder. “You’re my family.”

“You’re my family. And you always will be Maeve.” Jacob gives me a squeeze back. His grip loosens, and I open my eyes. My arms are filled with emptiness. Jacob is nowhere to be seen. I drop to the floor and start sobbing. The yarns of the shag rug poke my face so I roll onto my side, hugging myself tighter with each labored breath I take.

“WHY?” I scream at no one in particular. “Why do you keep doing this to me?” My whole body shakes with anger and then sadness and then anger again. I doubt my words are even comprehensible.

“I am so sorry, Maeve,” A deep, unfamiliar voice rings through my apartment. My head shoots up from where I was laying, and I rub my eyes feverishly, trying to clear the cloudiness of my tears away. When my vision comes into focus, all I see is a stocky guy, about my age, with buzzed hair wearing a pair of tattered jeans and a black hoodie. I scramble onto all fours, not breaking eyesight with the stranger, backing away as fast as I can until I hit the wall of my apartment.

“Wh.. Wh… Who the fuck are you?” I shudder in shock.

“I am so, so sorry. I really tried my best to take care of you. I just,” The boy pauses and rubs his jaw before he begins again. “I just made some bad decisions and now I’m afraid that I can’t help you anymore. I’m really sorry.” He looked at me as if he was comforting the family dog before putting it down.

I shake my head, unable to comprehend the situation. Tears running down my face and my voice shaking, I reply, “I don’t know who the hell you are or what you’re talking about, but you need to leave. NOW.”

“You don’t get it, Maeve. You’ve been my best friend since I was a child. The best Christmas gift my parents could’ve given me before they passed…” The boy trails off. “They gifted you to me and said, Look Aiden, you’ll always have a friend now. And they were right. You’ve been my best friend since. I guess you just didn’t know it.” Aiden smiles in a sorrowful way.

“I, I don’t get it. I’ve never seen you in my life.” I squeak out, my brain overwhelmed.

Aiden peered at me, making eye contact. “This is just a game, Maeve. This isn’t real.” The boy flails his arms around, gesturing to the world around him.”I’ve been taking care of you, experiencing all the things you do. I literally choose what you do.”

I swear, my brain is about to explode. I grip both sides of my head and start pulling my hair, hoping to wake myself up from this putrid nightmare. Except when I raise my head back up. Aiden is still there.

“Listen, I figured out how to enter the game and actually hang out as you, to become you. Well actually, it’s me and this other dude, and it’s not particularly ethical…” Aiden rambles on, shaking his head, attempting to keep his train of thought on track.“ I just wanted to let you know I tried. I really tried to do everything I could to keep you here for as long as I could. I’ll truly miss you.” Aiden shoves his hands in his pockets, still staring at me.

“I don’t know what you mean.” I say before the horror of the situation sinks in. I grab my phone from my pocket and unlock it. My eyes widen in terror.

3…2…1…