To Judge, One Must Also Accept Judgement

CW- strong language

There once was a small and inconsiderate judge who sat atop his throne of pettiness. The courtroom was his kingdom and he ruled with an iron fist. He made others feel small so he could feel larger than life, but to no avail. He could not change his reality so he chose to remain in his own fantasy world.

Now this judge was a particular type of asshole, the one who abuses his power because he can, the absolute worst type of human being. There was no mercy, or fair judgement in his courtroom. Only snide remarks and hefty punishments to be handed down. In return the accused would always resort to a simple comment on his appearance. This would send him into a rage.

One man in particular laughed at his punishment and said “at least I don’t need a booster seat to see over the table.” Oh, that really set him off, red in the face and spouting nonsense he cried “Take him to jail now,now,now.” Like a spoiled child in need of a spanking.

The judge continued to grow saltier every time he made a judgement and reached a point, he was willing to do anything to change his appearance. While walking down the street one day he came across a particular shop. It was one he had never noticed before or maybe it was brand new. It read John Wilton, purveyor of rare antiques. Intrigued he entered the shop and was amazed by what he saw.

One thing stood out above all the others however. A dusty genie lamp sat in the corner of the store and he casually walked to it. Mr. Wilton appeared from the back and said “Welcome to my shop, how may I be of service?”

The judge asked “Is this what I think it is? A Genie’s lamp?” To which Mr. Wilton replied “you have quite a good eye, yes, it is indeed a genie’s lamp.”

The judge told Mr. Wilton “I must have this, how much for the thing?” Mr. Wilton laughed and said it is free to take, but the genie asks for a price of its own”.

With his grubby little hands, the judge picked up the dusty lamp and rubbed it, nodding to Mr. Wilton as he walked out of the store. He was ecstatic, a real-life genie could solve all of his problems. As he rubbed the lamp, the genie appeared before him in a miniature form.

“Who seeks my magic?” the genie spoke out loud. “I do” replied the judge. The genie formed a contract out of thin air and spoke once more. “The price of my magic is contained in this contract, if you wish to continue sign in blood at the dotted line”.

The judge blind with his ambitions quickly bit his finger and signed the contract without reading it. A foolish mistake to be sure. The genie sighed and asked “What is your first wish then master?”

“I wish to be taller so those who make fun of me can finally shut up about my height.” to which to genie replied “As you wish, but the spell takes 24 hours to activate.”

The judge rushed home and went through his routine and eventually to sleep. He woke up in the morning with a smile on his face and looked down at his legs. No longer did he have those short stubby legs but long, muscular ones. He rushed to the mirror to see himself, but screamed in horror at what he saw.

In the place of his head was now an asshole, or more appropriately an assface. He retained all of his senses, All of them. He could smell his own butthole, and he tasted it too. Absolutely disgusting, but this was his punishment for not reading the fine print in the contract. You see for every wish made in selfish endeavors; your worst traits are brought to life. If you are envious you turn into a green dragon, and if you are a giant asshole of a person well then you get mc-ass-face over here.

He immediately called for the genie, crying and screaming. “What have you done to me?” to which the genie replied with laughter in his voice “You should have read the fine print, but you were so quick to sign your life away for the promise of 3 wishes”.

The judge screamed back “this is not fair, no not one bit at all”. The genie trying to compose himself, replied “You know nothing of fairness as a judge. You judge others based on your own crooked perceptions and impose punishment not fitting the crime.” “You of all people should know the price of imposing judgement means you yourself must also be judged by another.”

A lump formed in the judge’s throat as he tried to find the words to make a comeback, but he couldn’t. He could only accept his punishment, but he did not learn from it. Instead, he made another wish.

“I want this fixed; I want to be tall and not have an ass for a face.” Once again, the genie reminded him to wait 24 hours. The judge had to go to work exactly as he was. He knew what awaited him the moment he walked in so he ran away back to Mr. Wilton’s store instead.

He burst through the doors and said “why the hell didn’t you warn me that genie was so twisted?” Mr. Wilton turned his head and let out a burst of laughter. “All I know was what told me by my predecessor of this shop, and he never touched the lamp personally. The warning was there for a reason, and now you are stuck with the genie.”

Defeated, the judge returned home ashamed and worn out from the laughter at his expense. He went to sleep and waited for the cursed day to be over. When he awoke, the ass-face was gone and his legs remained the same. He let out a sigh of relief and got ready for work.

What was awaiting him at the courtroom was the worst possible scenario. He was placed into handcuffs the moment he entered the court and brought before a judge. This was not any judge, he was to be judged by himself, with the same maliciousness he judged others with.

The dopple-judge stared at this tall, and good-looking man with disdain. He had already rendered judgement in his head just by looking at him. “Guilty” he shrieked, “I sentence you to prison for the maximum sentence of 20 years for stealing a fish.” The judge himself bawked at this punishment. What an unfair judgement for such a simple crime.

Once again, he called upon the genie to save him. “I wish to return to my normal life, and I don’t care what you have to do”. The genie replied “As you wish, master”, and snapped his fingers for the last time.

When he awoke the next day, everything was as it should be. His life was back to the same boring thing it was before and he was okay with that. As he went to leave his home, he found the door was locked from the outside. He struggled with the door knob and when he exhausted his energy, he called upon the genie one last time.

“What is this nonsense now genie?”, and the genie simply smiled. He pulled up the contract and pointed to yet another fine print clause. It read, if the master fails to make a pure of heart wish, then he forfeits his life and soul to the genie. The master must take the genie’s place in the lamp while the genie can roam free.

The genie laughed at him once again and left these parting words. “You treated others as lesser than, like they were small and insignificant. However, it was you who was always small and insignificant and now your punishment fits the crime.”

“You will spend the rest of your life trapped in this lamp until another rubs it.” Your hubris was your constant wounded ego lashing out at others.”

“Accept your punishment as others had to accept theirs. They learned from their mistakes, but you never did.” After having said everything, he needed to say, the genie snapped his fingers and changed his clothes. He was going to live his life as a free man, and his first stop was to the Bahama’s.

Look for part 2 of this story coming soon. The Genie in the Bahamas!