Thursdays

I always hated Thursdays more than any day of the week. Most people hate Mondays the most, but Mondays were at least miserable for reasons you would expect. Thursdays were just the crack on the sidewalk that tripped you before Friday. I never complained though. I was always the type to smile when I didn’t feel like smiling, small talk when I didn’t feel like small talking, and to “pull up my bootstraps” even when the straps were broken.

Most days at work I lived so tucked within myself to keep out how miserable I was that I remained stuck in that state even after I clocked out. I’d be so drained by the time it was all over every day that it was all I could manage to plop down and stare at other people living different lives through my electronic devices until it was time to do it all over again. I felt like I was living in Pleasantville when everything was still scripted and black and white; doing exactly what was expected of me with no way out to do anything for myself.

I suppose it was that constant numbness that led me to do it. That, and the fact that it had been a Thursday. I was never one to believe in fairytales or the paranormal, but I had reached a point where if I didn’t find a solution to end the cycle, I would surely die unhappy with my only accomplishment being that I gave my entire lifeforce to an institution that replaced me faster than the weekend.

I don’t quite remember deciding to do it, but I do vaguely remember abducting the neighbor’s cat, cupping the blood that gushed from its belly in my hands and tossing it into the sky several times while saying His name over and over in the woods. I didn’t feel bad for what I did because I never liked how that cat used my backyard as its litter box. In fact, the absence of the cat and its turds may have been enough to fool me into thinking life wasn’t so bad after all. At least for a week or so.

When the end of the following Thursday rolled around and I saw that brown unmarked package on my doorstep however, I knew I still needed to be saved. It was the adrenaline that sped my heart up times three and the fire of my rushing blood that reminded me that I was in desperate need of revival. I hadn’t felt a rush like that in a long time. It made me feel alive even if just a little bit with a spark of hope and anticipation. He was real. He’d answered my calling when no one else would and now I could be freed at last!

Bubbling with excitement and a bit of fear too, I picked up the package that felt like an empty box and rushed it inside my humble home. Once inside, I marveled once more at the fact that He was real and was here to help me of all people. The thought made my pin cushioned heart flutter with gratitude, and I swiftly looked for the perfect place to store him for the next seven days. My one-bedroom rental wasn’t very big, so I didn’t have very many suitable choices. I ultimately decided to place Him on top of the refrigerator. It was the highest point of my house and and as long as I kept my bedroom door open, He could be sure to see me wherever I was. I would just need to be sure not to look up at Him. That was one of the rules. As long as I kept my head and my curiosity low, it could all work out.

This, of course, wound up being easier said than done. The very next day, I looked over at him as soon as I walked through the front door before quickly looking away. My heart practically pounded out of my ears realizing I’d seen his hands gripping the top edges of the box. I could still barely believe this was really happening to someone like me. I felt hot tears stinging my eyes but wrestled out of my pity soon enough, swearing not to look over again.

By Sunday however, I’d made the same swift mistake when I spun around to see what had fallen to the ground in the kitchen. I’d been living alone for the last 12 years, so I wasn’t used to noises in my house that I didn’t make myself. One of His legs and both arms were protruding out the top of the box by then. Another wave of excitement rushed over me with how well He was coming along. In just four more days He would be fully here to aid me.

By Tuesday I could feel His eyes on me no matter where I was in my house. I didn’t dare look over at Him even by accident at this point as it was of the upmost importance not to make eye contact or address Him. I could tell just from my peripherals however, that He was nearly completely formed as His large figure sitting atop my fridge was damning. I couldn’t hide the smile that remained glued to my face all day feeling His unblinking stare. I felt like a blushing high school boy who knew his crush was watching him. Something about His presence made me feel more alive than I’d felt in a long time. I finally felt calm, safe and secure.

Wednesday night I awoke to Him standing in my bedroom corner watching me sleep. I jolted into a sitting position out of initial shock, but quickly got a hold of myself and turned away from Him.

“You called for me, Raaaymond…whatever for?” A deep and bellowing voice reverberated then.

He spoke to me! He was fully here now and in the flesh! I couldn’t believe this was happening! My body instantly began sweating all over as my insides kicked away at each other with fiery excitement. I clasped my hands together tightly and then my arms, to keep from shaking, but it didn’t help. I scrambled to remember what I had rehearsed in my head for the past week and even bit my lip until it bled in an attempt to calm myself. He had made all this effort to come help me, so I dared not waste His time.

“I-I need your help,” I finally stuttered from my lips. “I c-can’t do this anymore – any of it. I can’t continue living this life anymore where I give my all to others who don’t care about me and get left with nothing for myself. I want to take back myself and disappear forever!” I cried out with my voice cracking in a blubbering mess towards the end. It was the first time since never that I’d spoken my truth out loud and allowed myself to actually feel what I’d been feeling for so long. I was so tired of being alone, unseen, and overworked. I needed to break out of this imprisonment and didn’t care what form that kind of freedom came in.

I jumped in my seat on the bed again when I felt His hands rest upon my shoulders.

“And what of those that stole so much of you?” He asked knowingly.

“I…I want them to feel the s-same emptiness I’ve been l-left with,” I sniffled and stammered. “I want them to p-pay.”

“And you know the price for such a request?” He asked, but it felt more like a statement.

“Yes! Yes, I do - I’m ready! Please, just help me,” I whimpered.

“Then it shall be done.”

I awoke the next morning feeling lighter and more well rested than I’d ever felt. My alarm clock hadn’t gone off and it was now two hours past my shift. A wave of relief washed over me knowing that I would never be awakened on someone else’s time again. The rest of my days would be lived like it was Saturday everyday and I could do whatever I wanted. I took a deep breath and released the last of any pent-up emotions into the air before allowing a smile to creep across my face. There was so much I could do now with my newfound freedom that I didn’t even know where to start. I hadn’t thought this far ahead of the process but felt comforted just in knowing what ever I chose to do it would be for me and on my time.

I ultimately decided to take a stroll down to the café a few blocks down the street. They were always busy during rush hour mornings and weekends, so I never bothered with the hassle. Now that it was late morning, I was their only customer to my surprise. I bought myself a muffin and one of those deathly sugary coffees with the whipped cream on top and sat in a quiet corner of the café. It was the most beautifully relaxing morning I’d had in years. Nothing could burst me from that cloud nine I was on. Not even the café workers’ distraught faces as they looked up at the news report on the television reporting the bizarre mass deaths of everyone in the office building I’d spent the last 12 years working at. No cause of death could be found so far for any of them. It was as if they just collapsed within themselves.

For the next seven days I did one thing every day that I’d never done before and by Thursday I was riding a high on life that I’d never road even when I was a kid. I hated that I’d missed out on all of this for the past 46 years. Especially when I saw Him standing next to the tree across the street from my . The week had flown by so fast. Though I’d convinced myself at the time I’d conjured him that I would be okay with just one good week, I did feel regret that I hadn’t been able to seize this life for myself.

Rules were rules however, and I’d always been one to play by them. I took one last look at my tiny home that had never truly belonged to me and one last look at the grass and the sky as I approached Him. I didn’t flinch at all when I felt His claws pierce my back or scream when He dragged me deep into the forest where I would finally be eternally free.