Thrown into the Empty

He closed the door behind him. This was the last time she saw him. All he had to do now is wait. he already made a decision. All he had to do is not think about it again. He was on the way to death. It was a long way, but someone was dropping him there. "Just don't think about it again", he thought to himself. Sleep seemed like a good idea for a second. But before he closed his eyes, he quickly decided against it. He usually liked sleeping in the car. Especially on a cold rainy night like tonight. When he first met her, when they were kids, this time was the time he would enjoy her company in his mind. He would rest his head on the cold car window, the cold touching his cheek. He would let his mind take him back to the sweet moments he had with her since the last time he saw her. Those moments kept replaying, causing an unbreakable smile in his face. Until he saw her again, they were sufficient. Then he would daydream of moments that never happened, moments he hoped to turn into reality the next time he saw her. It made him eager to.

This time he allowed himself to replay the memories, yet he was hesitant about daydreaming. He wanted to allow his heart to dream, to wander one last time, but he could not decide if that was more important than remembering the real times he spent with her, times when they were in the same space, under the same light, breathing the same air. He smiled, he was lucky. The smile faded when he remembered the disappointment, the distance, the unspoken words of the last days.

Meanwhile, she stared at the door that just closed for over a minute. Her face felt numb, except for her eyes that kept getting wetter. Her outer shell was stable, she made no sound, no movement. But her inside was shaking. He had something to wait for, she no longer did. Death was ahead of him, emptiness ahead of her. At this moment when he left, she did not know what to do. A new feeling hit her. She could not name it. Or maybe it was hiding within her, and only now she got to see its whole face.

Before he left, she was mostly angry. He would not understand that he was not a burden to her. He was the joy of her life. She was disappointed, for she considered him a life companion and he left her halfway through it. God, he was selfish, she could not stand it. It was a week ago that she saw the determination he had, it was then that she gave up, she had to let him go, she was exhausted.

She laid down on the bed. She was all alone again. she forgot what its like. The last time she was alone, he was with her through her mind. She could not believe the idea hitting her head right now: maybe it would have been better if she had allowed him to go then, like any other stranger.

The idea gradually faded as another realization hit her.

She was never alone before, this was the first time she was. Before he was around, she had family, she had many friends, real and fake. They left, one after the other, but she never realized how big the empty space was getting until now. Now its completely empty. He was an illusion that kept her busy from looking into her emptiness.

There was no sound. The house was so empty, she can finally hear her silence. She listened closely.

She stared into the emptiness ahead of her. She did not dare close her eyes. The night somehow passed. She laid still. The night was over.