Thought-mine

Chapter One

What makes one free? Is it the ability to think for oneself? To reason? Is it ability for one to do anything he or she pleases? Is freedom good or bad? Can freedom jeopardize the wellbeing of an individual or society? Can freedom bring peace?

Jake peers out through the slightly closed shutters. Dawn is setting in and a new day is ahead. Glimmers begin to levitate from Jake’s bed as the sun rises. Jake swiftly closes his shutters. He can’t stand the glitter of light in his eye. Flashes of light begin to occur in the corner of his eyes. He hears a rain of voices. The voices feel like thorns pressing against his head. He has no choice but to sit through the ride. In the room adjacent to his, Jake can hear the faint sounds of footsteps pacing back and forth. He opens his door and gently walks into the adjacent room. Sitting next to window of the room is the shadowy figure of his mother. The room is nearly pitch black and only dim light can be seen on the walls of the room.

“I heard someone pacing mother” Jake says.

“Where is your brother?” Jake’s mother replies.

“Where is your brother, Jake?” his mother replies.

“I don’t know mama. Seth could be anywhere.” Jake answers.

“I’m not talking about Seth. I want to know where Isaac is.” his mother says.

“We have talked about this, many times before mother. I want you to see a therapist. These conversations cannot go on forever.” Jake urges.

“Nonsense Jake. You can either tell me where your brother is or leave.” Jake’s mother threatens.

“I have to go to work mother. I want you to eat something. You should think about helping yourself.” Jake replies.

“So you want to degrade my state of being. You can get out!” his mother shouts.

Jake leaves his mother’s room only to hear a commotion. Like he can hear sounds of bells clashing and glass shattering. The sounds echo from below and Jake heads down the stairs.

“Seth!” Jake hollers.

Upon entering the kitchen, Jake is forced to walk around shattered glass. He sees the mutilation of silverware on the countertop.

“What have you done now Seth? Jakes asks.

“Only what I enjoy doing brother.” Seth replies.

“I have work to get to. You better get your act together.” Jake says with warning.

“I love the anarchy of life brother. It gives me vitality to know anything is possible.” Jake’s brother replies.

“Get a hold of yourself Seth.” Jake says.

Seth scoffs at Jake’s words. Jake feels as if there are 50 pound dumbbells resting on his head.

Chapter Two

What is reality? it only what we perceive it to be? Is reality something that can be tangible? Someone may ask themselves “Is all of this real?” The answer may be that “It is real to you is it not? Is this phenomenon not enough? Can reality be good or bad? One may find it unbelievable that a blessing has come onto them. Another may find reality unbelievable out of terror that revolves around the phenomenon. What may count is one’s own personal experience

Jake takes the first step out of his house. A step that gives him a feeling of dread. He clings to his lunchbox on his right hand, and he clings to his car keys on the other hand. As he approaches to the halfway point of his car, the voices come back to haunt him. Reflections of hate, anger, regret, and fear reaches Jake. This time the voices feel like a truck ramming into his head at 200 miles per hour. Jake clenches his teeth. His left leg shakes restlessly. He finally approaches the door his car. Taking a deep breath, Jake sits in the front seat. “This is surreal, unbelievable” he thinks to himself. He takes another deep breath and turns on the ignition. As Jake drives, flashes of light reappear around his eyes. His thoughts are like a stack of jumbled spaghetti. Jake pulls next to the pedestrian sidewalk and turns on his emergency flashlights. He taps on his chest with his right hand in desperation. Taking another deep breath, he calms the voices. “Think happy thoughts” he says to himself. Stability is found, but the road to finding lasting peace is interminable.

Chapter Three

What does it take to satisfy one’s desires? Can satisfaction ever be reached. What entity can put the heart and mind to rest? Money, material, love, spirituality, fame, recognition?

Yes, the Market Corner. The usual destination.

“Good afternoon, Michael.” Jake greets his manager.

“Afternoon Jake, how are things? Michael replies.

“Not bad.” Jake answers with hesitation.

“Good afternoon, Eric.” Jake says.

“Afternoon Jake. We got a heavy load today. Lots of cutting to do.” Eric replies.

“You don’t say.” says Jake.

“Yup, and you also have a review today. You’ve been doing good work. You get a 1 percent raise from your hourly pay.” Eric tells Jake.

“Alas, I get compensated.” Jake thinks to himself.

A regular customer comes by Jake’s counter.

“How are you doing Jake? Long time no see.” the customer asks.

“I’m doing fine Dan. Work is tough but rewarding. The family is holding on.” Jake replies.

Dan senses slight trouble in Jake.

“Well that’s good to hear Jake. We should always live honest and true to ourselves. Family is very important. You need a woman in your life Jake.”

Jake nods.

“It is good to see you Dan” Jake says.

“You as well” Dan replies.

Jake sighs. Some days the hours feel like days and the minutes feel like hours. He feels a pounding in his head but keeps his composure.

“Most days I feel like I can’t get out of bed Eric. Do you ever get that?” Jake asks.

“I do, but once in a blue moon. Are you alright?” Eric replies.

“Not really. I have some weight on my head and shoulders that I cannot get off.” Jake says.

“Maybe you need some exercise. Or you need some time off. Are you on medication?” Eric asks.

“Yes, but it doesn’t solve the problems like it should.” Jake says.

“Good luck and Godspeed to you Jake.” Eric says.

With a sigh, Eric reaches 5 minutes before finishing. As he helps his last customer his thoughts turn into a tornado with debris shooting off in multiple directions. It is a feeling he can’t shake off. Fatigue and desperation touches Jake, but he finishes another day of work. Long and hard days lie ahead.

Chapter Four

What is death? Does life really have cessation? Does the soul live on? Do the struggles also carry on? One end my lead to a new beginning, or it may just end.

“Well, it is time to get some grub.” Jake reminds himself.

He walks over to the gas station in the same vicinity as the Market Corner.

“Joe. How are you? I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day.” Jake says.

Joe is slightly distraught. This brings an expression of concern to Jake’s face.

“What’s the matter Joe?” Jake asks.

Joe lift’s his right hand up to his left shirt sleeve. He pulls his shirt sleeve upward and a large lump is protruding from his armpit.

“Stage 4 lymphoma.” Joe says.

“I’m sorry to hear this.” Jake says.

“Yeah. My time is limited. I live by the day now.” Joe says.

“Death is a heavy burden. I know personally.” Jake says.

“Do you think that death is the end?” Joe asks.

“There is no way of knowing. But I believe it doesn’t end. I believe that with every end is a new beginning.” Jake replies.

“Thanks Jake. You want the usual?” asks Joe.

“You know it.” replies Jake.

Chapter Five

Freedom isn’t so free. With every action there is a reaction. Absolute freedom is a delusion. We are mere mortals in a vast reality.

Sirens are heard.

“What could this be?” Jake asks himself.

“This the Riverdale police department. Come out with your hands up!” a megaphone hollers.

Jake is 20 feet his home. With a squint in his eyes he looks at the upper left window of his home. He can’t believe what he’s seeing.

Jake’s mother is followed by Seth. A vague image of a knife projects from Seth’s left hand. Before Jake can cry out to Seth a gunshot roars from long distance. A male voice bellows from the window.

Jake charges into the house and rushes upstairs. He can hear voices screaming of death, chaos, and destruction. When he reaches his mother’s room the confusion in Jake’s mind clears up.

Seth is lying on the floor with a bullet wound on his left arm. His mother is sitting in the right corner, pale as a ghost.

“We all stick up and get struck down, don’t we brother?” Seth says with pain and fatigue.

The ambulance team barges into the room.

A feeling of relief comes over Jake. He reaches out to his mother’s hand.

Chapter Six

Human all too human. An end brings a new beginning.

Jake peers through his shutters. The dawn light gleams in his eyes. He embraces the light. A new day. He scrams downstairs to prepare breakfast and pack his lunch. The voices charge at Jake like rolling boulders. Jake takes a deep breath and steps out his door. His dread turns into strength. The voices lose their strength. A surge of energy reaches Jake’s muscles and face. With smile he sticks the keys into his car ignition.

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