Thor and the Bi-wheeled Machines

"Grand Papa has always been interested in Time travel, maybe he has some aliens locked up in these secret rooms that he forbids us to enter". Mused my cousin August.

"Or maybe he has a secret club or cult or something. I'm picturing naked people, lots of wine, squirming bodies and much debauchery". Miranda was the dark gothic type, always seeking the thrill.

Everybody laughed. But seriously, if anyone had ever met the man, they would immediately understand exactly why the remark was not so funny. Granddad had the countenance, strength, tenacity and determination of a raging bull. Our granddad was deterred by nothing, and he stopped at nothing to get what he wanted. If anyone could nab a few aliens, it was Grand Papa AURELIUS, I was named after him. When it came to his grandchildren however, he was as gentle as a lamb. We all loved him very much, yet feared him just a tiny bit. We had some great times together.

Heartfordshire Castle has been in my family for generations. This extremely gargantuan fortress-like mammoth of a structure is as daunting as it is frightening. My father grew up there and got out as fast as he could. He always said that there were ghosts there, living and dead ones. Sometimes the reality of which one was which blurred into the fantastic. One never knew if they were dreaming or awake. Very few rooms had electricity, mostly those which were used as offices. The castle still used candles, lamps and some modern lighting devices run by generators which kept breaking down. We also had large roaring fires in the grand hearths. It was a right royal mess, especially at nights, when shadows blended with real people and caused thoughts of phantoms and ghouls.

My mother, however, loved Grand Mama Tiffania, as well as the old castle. Every summer we roamed the drafty old halls and rooms and never found a single ghost, no matter how many Ouija boards or seances we invoked. No spirits showed themselves, or maybe we just didn't have a sensitive medium within the entire bunch of cousins, aunts, first cousins, second cousins, uncles, nieces, nephews and varied assortment of relatives who were always present. The children loved the place, even more so when Grandfather finally allowed the installation of electricity within the entire complex of maze-like puzzle. It must have cost him a small fortune, I bet the electrical people were more than happy for the job.

We discovered many secret rooms, doors and passages where no one was allowed to venture into, on threats of banishment, punishment, disinheritance or worse, grandad stopped just short of threats of death. That never stopped Father or his siblings or any family and friends from trying, they never met with any success at finding anything unusual.

The years passed and our grandparents passed away. No one officially lived there anymore, family came and went as they pleased, it was open to all according to the agreement of the Will. Everyone was happy with this arrangement since they all owned their own homes and businesses. We used the castle mainly as a summer getaway.

All or most of the secret rooms have now been discovered. They yielded odd marks on floors, expensive artwork and rare artifacts that my grandfather collected his entire life. There were many, for the family did not want for money or possessions.

There was one place however, that no one had a key to. The estate had many outer buildings, most were occupied by staff and their families. A few others were just locked up and unused.

The summer of 2024 found my sister Synthia and I at the castle. We had found a very large bunch of old odd looking keys, and decided to vacation here and try the keys in secret doors.

"Aurelio, let's try the creepy old mini castle out back with the humongous iron door. I have always been fascinated by what could possibly be in there. Maybe that's where the aliens really are". She laughed a little, in her unique sarcastic way.

"It's about time, the suspense is driving me nuts". I replied gleefully.

We had both graduated college and travelled the world a bit, and were basically free spirits right now. Money was not an issue, we had always had lots of it. Our passion for old things, probably inherited from our grandfather, kept bringing us back to the castle. We have had relationships here and there but none of us had any serious commitments that would curtail our way of life right now. We were free birds spreading our wings.

We arrived at the great daunting looking door, it was covered in flowers, weeds, cobwebs and God knows what else that was hiding under there.

"I bet there is another door inside the castle that leads to the inside. This one hasn't been opened in forever". Synthia observed.

"More than likely, I'm sure grandad came here a lot, and he sure didn't use this door".

Synthia and I started to rip and tear at the lichen and bushes in order to gain access to the daunting looking door. I went to borrow the hedge clipper from Frank, our resident and kind hearted gardener. Frank was never allowed near this building, except to prune around it's edges. It took a while, but we finally got the front of the door cleared. Synthia recoiled a little from the creepy face that greeted us. A frightening and interesting face, obviously used as a knocker, had been hidden under all the foliage. Looking somewhat like an African ritual mask, two bulbous eyes stared back at us, gaping and vacant and totally scary. Curiouser and even more curiouser was our hunt for the truth.

I produced the large mass of keys from my duffel, and we began the task of finding the right one. Fifteen keys later, we managed to insert the correct key into the rusted out hole, after many attempts to turn the darn thing, without success, I excused myself and returned with some cooking oil. I poured some on the key, sprayed some into the keyhole and waited a few minutes. Our next attempt, using my handkerchief to deter the slippery feel, yielded success. The key creaked and turned, the door groaned, and with both of us taking turns, the key finally turned all the way. I was glad that the other relatives had vacationed elsewhere this year. We would have the time alone to discover some more truths about this place.

With no little effort on our part, the stubborn great iron door gave way inch by inch, I put my back to it, Synthia pushed and we huffed and puffed until it opened enough for us to enter. Once inside, we removed the buildup of old accumulated knick knacks and rubble from behind the door. We were then able to open it all the way. Incredulity mixed with apprehension as our eyes adjusted to the dark. We could see that light bulbs were over our heads. How was it possible that this place had electricity, yet had not been discovered all this time.

Synthia touched my arm and pointed to the switch on the wall closest to me. I switched it on and the immense room was suddenly bathed in a pure white and blinding light. This was not really our main focus as much as was the queer framework of the machinery and the immense white and black hypnotic circle in the middle of the room. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, Synthia stood with her mouth agape.

"What in the name of everything holy is this contrivance". I was stunned.

If that wasn't frightening enough, in front of that sat two very large, very strange and weird looking black motorcycles, with wings, and two shiny, black wing-tipped very high tech looking helmets.

We were about to take a closer look when the portal thing shimmered, the middle sectioned widened and a figure appeared from the other side. My sister grabbed my hand in fright and yelled:

"RUN Aurelio"!

I didn't move, I knew exactly who was coming through that portal. You couldn't miss the giant guy with the giant biceped arms, long hair and rippling muscles. AND Mjölnir!!!!!!! OMG, the Hammer.

He walked/flew to inches away from us.

"OMG, it's THOR, FROM ASGARD". I fanboyed in awe. I adored the big guy.

"What, are you crazy, that is just fantasy. That is not a real thing".

"Do I not look real to you woman"! The large man bellowed.

Ok. So, he was mad about something. Maybe we shouldn't annoy the God of Thunder.

"Who are you two? And where is Aurelius, that thieving scoundrel"! He asked, lifting and pointing the fabled hammer at us.

He knows my Grandfather? My brain was all over the place.

Synthia stepped in front of me, she was not one to cower, my sister. Thor lifted his head and roared in laughter.

"We are his grandchildren, Aurelio and Synthia. What do you want here"? She demanded. THAT was the question Synthia? Not, how the heck did you get here?

"You are brave, little one, I am impressed". He lowered the hammer and looked around.

"I see that rascal still hides the two Time Machines which he stole from us". He said.

What? Time Machine? Is what I heard. Synthia heard the rest of the statement.

"What, Grandad was not a thief". Synthia said, indignation steeled in her voice.

"Ha, your grandad...wait, did you say was... Where is he"?

"He passed away last year". I replied.

"Oh, sorry to hear that, I wanted to confront the old fiend myself". Thor said, without a hint of sympathy in his voice.

Synthia pursed her lips and scoffed in anger. Thor glared at her.

"How are the lovely Tiffania and her beautiful daughter Georgiana, such wonderful women they are".

He knows my mother?

"Grandmother went the year before that, I think granddad died of a broken heart". I replied.

"That I understand. She was a lovely woman". He shook his head up and down.

"Now to business, my father says Aurelius, well, now you, can keep the machines, but I want Baby Mjölnir back".

"What baby? Don't tell me you are now accusing Grandad of stealing a baby". Synthia was mortified.

"You are funny, little one..."

"Quit calling me that, you big bully, my name is Synthia".

"It's ok Synth. Mjölnir is the name of the hammer. Wait, there is a second hammer"? I asked. I was fascinated. Huge fan.

"Yes, the last time he visited, Aurelius tricked Loki into letting him see the baby hammer. I bet my brother was only too happy to let him steal the darned thing, he is not easily fooled".

My grandfather visited Asgard?

"From what I hear, Loki is not your biggest fan". My sister said, a little spitefully.

"Lead me to the hammer, you bore me now"! He ordered, venom spewing from his voice.

"I'm sorry, we have no idea where it could be, it is a really big house with lots of secret passages. It would take forever to find it". I told him.

Annoyed now, Thor raised the hammer and.....

"Wait"? I yelled, fearing he would bring the roof down on us , or worse.

He paused. "What". He shouted, turning on me angrily.

"If these are really Time Machines, maybe we could go take a look at when and where he took the hammer, if he took the hammer. And another thing, why would you even need time machines, you are Gods, can't you just zip here and there as you all please"?

"We can. But where is the fun in that. Your bi-wheeled machines are so much cooler to ride, we have many of those on Asgard.". He said haughtily. Humility was not one of Thor's best traits.

"How did Granddad get the machines"? I asked.

"He hid them when Loki and I happened to portal in on them maybe thirty years ago. We landed in his huge beautiful garden, he invited us in to tea and we never saw our motor-machines again, until he figured out how to use them, and suddenly appeared on Asgard with your grandmother. Allfather Odin liked him immensely, so he made him use the machines whenever he liked".

"How does a mortal hide something from a God"? I piped in without thinking.

"Truth to tell, we were spanking drunk from your wonderful array of liquors on Earth. We totally forgot that we had come in on bi-wheeled machines". Thor looked a bit sheepish.

"Did my mother visit there too". I remember that he had mentioned her.

"Yes, she did". He smiled in a nostalgic kind of way.

Synthia tsked and frowned, annoyed by our seeming bond of fandom. I would be in absolute Heaven if I could ride one of these beasts. Time travel with the God of Thunder. How astronomically cool would that be. Who would believe me. Pictures. I need pictures.

I grabbed my phone and selfied me and Thor. Me , Thor and Synthia. Me, Thor, Synthia and the bikes. Me standing in front of the portal thingy. Me Thor and Synthia standing in front of the portal thingy, the bikes by themselves and the portal by itself. What a furore this would cause on my nerd website, as Synth called it. Thor didn't mind the pictures. We had to promise to continue keeping the bikes a secret. We could post the Thor pictures but not the other stuff, how disappointing, but still great.

"Is Heimdall up there, at least he is cute. That is the only reason I would entertain such a foolish enterprise". My sister surprised even me, she was always so private with her thoughts.

"Ha, the ice queen has a heart, jump onto the machines, let's go see. Now when was the last time that Aurelius came to visit"? He lifted the hammer towards the roof and yelled:

"Watchkeeper, when did Aurelius of Earth last visit"?

"Ok. got it". So cool.

"Jump onto the bikes, I will program the date and time". He again ordered.

We did. Even Synthia was intrigued now.

"Now the gloves and helmets". He cautioned.

We donned the gloves and got on the bikes. The minute the helmets were on our heads, a kind of shield enveloped and adhered to our bodies, holding us firmly glued to the bikes. Apparently only the removal of the helmet would release us from the grip of the really comfy suits. I was utterly impressed.

"Press the levers down". He yelled, pointing the hammer at the portal and flying in, we pressed the levers and the bikes automatically sped into the wide vortex which opened behind him. We moved so fast, we barely blinked. High up in the sky he yelled again:

"Heimdall, open the Bifröst"!

If I died right now, I would be a happy man.

The beautiful rainbowed bridge appeared out of nowhere, Thor stepped on, the bikes automatically followed, and we were transported to the entrance guarded by Heimdall, the Gatekeeper of Asgard.

Ruled by Odin and inhabited by gods and the bravest of the dead, Asgard is very similar to a human kingdom or city. It is encircled by strong fortifications, accessible by a closely guarded bridge, and contains the same halls, fields, and forests that are found in the human world.

As soon as the bikes stopped, Synthia took her helmet off, the armor fell away, she hopped off and walked over to Heimdall, who stopped her short with his famous sword.

"It's ok Heimdall, she is a fan. Let her take a picture of your manliness for her fans". Thor laughed at his own joke.

He lowered his sword and Synthia gingerly huddled close to him and snatched a selfie, then one of the impressive, dark and brooding God. Unlike Thor, he was not happy with being photographed, but he suffered the indignity for the sake of my sister, she was a really attractive woman, who had no idea the effect she had on men. Synthia was a rare woman, kind of a tomboy, who didn't obsess over herself too much. She would treasure it forever, if I know my sister. She smiled and thanked him for his indulgence. Staring straight ahead, he nodded. Heimdall was a man of very few words.

Heimdall

In Norse mythology, Heimdall is a God. He is the son of Odin and nine mothers. Heimdall keeps watch for invaders and the onset of Ragnarök from his dwelling Himinbjörg, where the burning rainbow bridge Bifröst meets the sky. He is attested as possessing foreknowledge and keen senses, particularly eyesight and hearing.

Ragnarök

In Norse mythology, Ragnarök is a series of events, including a great battle, foretelling the death of numerous great figures (including the gods Odin, Thor, Týr, Freyr, Heimdall, and Loki), natural disasters, and the submersion of the world in water. After these events, the world will rise again, cleansed and fertile, the surviving and returning gods will meet and the world will be repopulated by two human survivors. Ragnarök is an important event in Norse mythology and has been the subject of scholarly discourse and theory in the history of Germanic studies.

"Come humans". Thor chuckled. He seemed less belligerent, the thought of retrieving his baby hammer seemed to have cheered him up immensely.

We followed him through the great halls and corridors of Asgard. He did not waste time on pleasantries with anyone that we passed. They stared, but did not bother us. The massive rooms made Thor seem like a dwarf, the roof towered extremely high above our heads. Everything here was large and elaborately adorned and decorated. Great statues of the many gods could be seen everywhere. Lady Sif and The Warriors Three, passed by, waving and saying hello. It was really thrilling to see so many of them here. Finally, we arrived at the fateful room where the alleged crime had taken place.

"We have arrived five minutes before your father and Loki get here. Go hide behind the statue over there". He also hid himself behind one of the giant statues. The man was so sure of himself, sometimes it can be a little grating.

"How did you know that we were in the room with the bikes anyway, your appearance was a bit too opportune". It had been bothering me.

"Heimdall sensed you. I had not long ago found out from Loki that the hammer was on Earth. I figured Aurelius was the most likely culprit".

"Now, be quiet, I hear voices". He said.

Grandad and Loki walked in deep in conversation. Loki walked to the other end of the room to go retrieve something, as soon as his back was turned, Grandad picked up the hammer and placed it in his rather thick coat pocket. I though it would be much heavier, considering that mortals cannot readily lift the original hammer. Also, I had found it a bit strange that grandad wore such a thick coat in such mild weather, but humans were strange creatures, it was well known.

Loki came back over, looked to where the hammer had been and smiled. The scoundrel, I thought, he had wanted my grandfather to steal the hammer. He always did like to make Thor look bad. He had probably been behind the whole affair. Loki was smart and a little evil. A villain to look out for. They both turned and left the room. I hope he did not know that we were here. He would have certainly known that something was amiss. We exited our hiding spots and prepared to leave the room.

"Why didn't you stop him"? Synthia asked.

"You'll see soon". Thor smiled.

"Wait, before you go, can I hold the hammer". I requested.

"If you must". He replied in full Thor manner.

He placed it on the floor. I stepped to it and tried to lift it. At first it resisted, the it slowly got lighter and lighter and I was able to lift it halfway off the ground.

"By Odin's Beard"! Swore Thor.

He walked over, grabbed me roughly by the collar and looked me over thoroughly.

"Now you". He said to Synthia, pointing to the hammer. She tried, it did not budge.

"Is it possible, I wonder. No, it can't be so"! He straightened my collar and ushered us out of the room in much greater haste than when we came in.

"Can we meet Odin and Jord and everybody else"? I asked.

"No, you may not, you must go now"!

Back at the gateway, Heimdall handed Thor a small hammer.

"Thank you my friend. You have saved Earth from my wrath, they came really close to starting a war.

"You switched it". I said admiringly.

"Yes, I had Heimdall get Lady Sif to get a fake one in there. Your grandfather will never know that he has a fake and not the real hammer".

"I knew that it was lifted up way too easily to be the real hammer". I was pleased with my observation.

Thor whispered something to Heimdall, he turned and looked at me rather curiously. I wondered what was going on.

Too soon, it was time to go. Synthia walked purposely over to Heimdall and before he knew what was happening, she was giving him a bear hug. He stood rigid and unmoving, but he accepted the hug. Thor refused the offer.

Back on our bikes, we waved a fond goodbye and were sent scooting back down the Bifrost to our earthly room.

"Aurelio, I think Thor is your father". Synthia said as soon as we were safely off the bikes in the portal room.

"What are you talking about"? I asked, pretending that the thought had not crossed my mind.

"All I know is that humans cannot lift that hammer. You did".

"Only half way". I said lamely.

Mother sure has some serious explaining to do. We both were quite eager to hear that version of the story. Apparently, they had all been busy riding back and forth to Asgard before we were even born. Maybe that explains the ghosts of visitors past inside the castle at nights. Midnight trysts and what nots everywhere.

That is how we came to avert a war between Thor, the God of Thunder, the estate of Grand Papa Aurelius of Heartfordshire, the UK Government and who knows who else.

Fini!