THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU

The cabin in the woods had been abandoned for years, but one night a candle burned in the window. Across from the cabin was Sarah’s family’s home in the Rocky mountains. 

Sarah sat across the way from the abandoned cabin in her dimly lit TV room and looked down at Polly, a Blue Heeler. She was curled up at her feet, her coat sprinkled with snow. Matt once said that Polly’s coat looked like Jackson Pollock’s interpretation of a Dalmatian’s; a remark made eleven years ago that feels like yesterday. But yesterday the cabin was abandoned, and now a candle appeared flickering in its window. 

Polly bounced beside her as Sarah dragged her feet through the snow. She remembered when she and her sister snuck into the cabin with white bedsheets pretending to be ghosts. Maybe it was like-spirited kids who did the same and forgot to blow out the candle. “Do kids play ghosts anymore?” wondered Sarah as she and Polly moved closer to the cabin. 

The night sky was overcast, concealing all light except for the candle flame that flickered onto the bristlecone pine trees, illuminating the fresh powdery snow as she and Polly trudged closer. Sarah stopped suddenly when she caught movement inside. 

“Who’s there?” 

A voice called from within the cabin. 

Sarah, momentarily stunned, deferred to Polly who stood alert, pointed at the cabin’s door. 

“Who is it?” 

The voice said again. It was a woman’s voice, sounding old and tired. Sarah finally answered back stringing her words together.

“It’s um, I’m a uh, your neighbor? I live across the road. I saw a candle burning—“

“Neighbor?”

Before Sarah could answer the door creaked open revealing the head of a small woman. 

“There isn’t another house around here for miles.” Sarah’s neighbor said.

Sarah felt a pang of confusion and looked past the woman into the house dark except for the the flame’s glowing projections revealing the shapes of furniture and faded wall paper. 

“You must be freezing. Please, come in.” 

Sarah looked behind her at the darkness and then back at the woman. 

“Can my dog come in?”

“Of course. But please hurry, I just got it warm in here.” 

Sarah and Polly entered the cabin as the woman closed the door behind them. In a moment’s glance, Sarah could see the cabin was no longer empty but inhabited and warm. A fire now crackled, and there was a stench in the air. It had a taste to it. It tasted meaty. 

“Smells like you’re cooking. I’m not interrupting dinner, am I?”

“No. That’s the candle’s scent. They are made of tallow. I wouldn’t have a cent to my name if I burned those made of beeswax. Have a seat, dear. I’ll pour you a cup of tea.”

Sarah looked around the small cabin. There were objects in the room she couldn’t conjure names for— is that a spindle? It made her think of Aurora and the endless sleep she entered after touching the spinning wheel. All Sarah wanted was to sleep—to forget.

“Here you are,” said the woman as she handed Sarah a hot cup of tea. The mug was warped as if a child made it in pottery class. 

“Sit. Sit. Sit.” The woman insisted as she edged Sarah back into a rocking chair behind her. As Sarah sat she took a sip of the tea. Its aroma was floral and the taste mild on the tongue. 

“Let’s get these boots off. Your feet must be freezing.”

Sarah looked down and saw the frail woman attempting to untie the laces of her snowshoes. 

“That’s kind of you, but I really should be going soon.” Sarah shifted in a way that would imply the brevity of the visit.

The woman ignored her as she untied the second boot. “There. You can do the rest.” The old woman patted Sarah’s untied booted foot as she narrowly avoided losing her balance when she got to her feet and dawdled to the adjacent rocking chair. 

As Sarah was impelled to finish the job of shoe removal she thought of what Matt might say after they had left the woman’s house if he were there. “People’s kindness shouldn’t create work for the person they’re attempting to be kind to,” he’d say. Matt suffered no fools. He said that a lot also.

“Do you knit?” asked the woman as she picked up her knitting needles and yarn. She was already rocking back and forth in her chair.

“I had a phase,” replied Sarah as she took another sip of her tea. It was actually nice to have her feet free from her boots, she thought. 

The woman suddenly stopped rocking and looked at Sarah, “What does that mean?"

“What does what mean?”

“A phase?”

“Oh, uh, a phase is a period of time. I learned how to knit. I made a sweater and a tuque and then I didn’t want to knit ever again.”

The woman stared at Sarah for a moment and then turned her attention back to her needles and yarn and rocking back and forth. Sarah took the last sip of tea and set the mug on the table between the chairs. 

“What’s the dog’s name,” asked the woman. 

“Polly.” 

“My husband and I had a dog once. She was a Siberian Husky he named Shotsy. That dog would follow him everywhere and was always at his feet. She barely gave me the time of day unless I was feeding her a scrap. On the rare occasion he didn’t take Shotsy to town, she’d be lying at the door, waiting for him to return. She’s buried right out back.”

“Where’s your husband?”

“That’s who the candle is for.”

Sarah looked back at the smoking candle. Its waxy remains piling into its tin holder as it burnt away. 

“I burn a candle every night until his safe return.”

“Where is he?”

“He joined the army nearly fifty years ago.”

Polly whimpered and nestled closer to Sarah. Sarah placed her hand on Polly’s head and caressed it. 

“Ma’am,” said Sarah. "I’ve been coming out here since I was a little girl. My sister and I would play in this room. I stepped on a nail in the back and had to get a tetanus shot one time. Polly and I have walked by here every night for the last three months and not once has there been a candle in the window until tonight.”

“Well, maybe you’re mistaken dear," said the woman. “Maybe you’ve confused it with another cabin.”

Sarah glanced at the mug and its emptiness filled her gut. Had her mind betrayed her? Had the woman always been here? Alone in the cold. Burning a flame for her missing other. All she ever thought of was Matt. Maybe that’s why she hadn’t noticed the candle before? She had a full time occupation of replaying every moment they ever shared together. Untangling every word between them. Every touch. Every glance. All she desired was a chance to do over their last—

“More tea?” 

Sarah looked at the woman as tears filled her eyes. 

“Love, what is it…?”

“I’m so tired,” answered Sarah.

——

Sarah woke to the wet lick of Polly’s tongue on her hand. She lifted her head and braced herself in the freezing cold. Her breath visible in the frigid air, she looked around at the desolate cabin. The morning light exposed the dead vines crawling up the corners of the walls and the broken glass and beer bottles strewn on the decaying floor. 

Polly laid her head in Sarah’s lap as she noticed a faint scent in the air she could almost taste. 

THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU