The whole person is like being in the cold water of the lake

As the saying goes, what goes around comes around.

　　After receiving the bear that Liang Zicong gave me, I lost my fountain pen. I had been using that pen for three whole years, and the lacquer on the casing was rubbed off quite a bit. Shin Shin always laughed at me for being a cheapskate, and the pen was almost in the coffin but I didn't want to lose it, and now it was finally missing.

　　I searched for it many times at school, at home, and on the way back and forth, but I didn't see any sign of the pen, and it was Shin Shin who reminded me: you like to keep a diary anywhere, could it be lost somewhere else?

　　It was Saturday, and when I arrived at the auditorium out of breath, it was like I had entered a fairy tale. The auditorium was built into a beautiful palace, and there was red silk hanging above the stage: a welcome party for exchange students.

　　I heard that this is a party held to welcome the exchange students from B City, and it seems that those exchange students will also come to perform. Our school is disgusting, I have never heard of any exchange student welcome party, I winced and looked for my pen.

　　The stage was filled with a dark crowd, presumably rehearsing some kind of play, and the commotion was overwhelming.

　　I sat in the row where I sat a few days ago and searched three times but did not see my old pen that had lost its paint, so I planned to look from the front row, 1200 red seats, I did not believe that I could not find an old pen.

　　I was so confident really because my fountain pen was so old, I guess no one would pick it back up, and looking at the floor, it didn't look like it had just been cleaned, so I pouted on the seat and picked it up, ignoring the dark crowd.

　　"The world turned on its lover and took off its mask of vastness. It grew small, as small as a song, as small as an eternal kiss."

　　This is my favorite verse from Tagore's "The Birds of Prey". This verse is like a bird that travels through all kinds of sounds and then comes at me.

　　It was a slightly raspy male voice, somewhat unfamiliar yet somewhat familiar. My heart suddenly felt like a needle had been stuck into it, hurting so much that I couldn't breathe.

　　I turned my head, and for just a second I knew it was him.

　　He was wearing a black tweed coat with a turned-out collar, his brow was slightly furrowed, he had lost a lot of weight compared to two years ago and looked like a tall aspen tree, he was holding a script in his hand at the moment and was reciting his lines out loud.

　　It has become smaller, as small as a song, as small as an eternal kiss.

　　It became smaller, as small as a song, as small as an eternal kiss.

　　It gets smaller, smaller like a song, smaller like an eternal kiss.

　　This poem kept echoing in my ears, and then I remembered the year when Luo Yizhou and I were reading Tagore's book to me by the lake, cursing as he read, "What kind of poem is this?

　　When he read it, he kissed me, his lips cold.

　　And now, the man seemed to feel my sight as well, and suddenly turned his head. His eyes were wide with disbelief as if he had seen Mars hit the earth.

　　He had stopped reciting his lines and looked at me quietly, and the crowd was suddenly noisy, like 3,000 crows constantly clamoring, but I could hear nothing, and my feet were like nails, I wanted to run, but I couldn't move, just watching him walk toward me quickly.

　　One step closer to me, one step will push me into a desperate situation.

　　He looked a little flustered, pursed his lips, and those two words poked me straight in the heart like a needlepoint.

　　"Lithuania."

　　I finally reacted, flipped off the chair, turned around, and tried to run, but I unexpectedly tripped over a wire and fell on all fours, he hurried towards me and picked me up: "Lithuania, are you okay?"

　　At that moment, if I had an ashtray or some other hard object in my hand, I would have smashed it over his head without mercy, and then told him loudly: fuck, I didn't meet you and everything is fine.

　　I didn't have anything hard in my hand, but I yelled it out loud. Luo Yi Zhou looked at me with wide eyes, his face was ugly as hell. He seemed to want to say something else, but I didn't give him a chance. I pushed him back hard and then turned around to leave.

　　I was just running away.

　　It looked like I was running with a lot of momentum, but who knew that my feet were shaking while I was running, my palms were sweaty in the waxing moon, and my back was wet from being wrapped in a down jacket.

　　Luo Yi Zhou ran after me for a long time, and finally, I stood at the edge of the artificial lake and shouted at him, "If you come over again, I will jump."

　　He didn't come after me again, but I was even more upset. The more I struggled, the more I sank, sinking into the whirlpool named Luo Yi Zhou.

　　I never thought I would meet Luo Yizhou in S City, which is so far away from B City, nor did I think I would meet him twice in a row, nor did I think I would be in such a mess both times I met him, while he was always so bright and shiny, without any dirt.

　　I suddenly remembered a quote from More's column: Your departure murdered my emotions, your arrival murdered my sanity.

　　Some people are like the eternal moonlight that can only be silently gazed at but never touched. So all I can do is pretend we never met and go on with my uneventful life.

　　I skipped my afternoon class and slept for five hours, and when I woke up it was completely dark. I didn't answer any of the many phone calls I received from Liang Zicong, I was a bit vain, but what I was vain about, I don't know.

　　The letter forcefully beat my door: "sister went to work, I cooked rice, you eat some ah, little son of a bitch!"

　　I covered my head with the blanket and found that it was still very cold, even though I was still wearing my down jacket.

　　Liang Zicong's text message came at this time: you remember to eat, I have to do experiments in the next few days, I will come to see you in a few days.

　　I held the phone in my hand and played with it, but finally sent a "yes" over. Before I went to sleep I was thinking about one thing, why that God damn Luo Yi Zhou appeared, but I didn't figure it out I had already fallen asleep.

　　I slept with the bear that Liang Zicong gave me until I forgot that I had to go to work at night.

　　The next day, I went to class refreshed, I thought everything that had happened in the past few days was a dream, and I didn't want the pen. But I had no idea that in just ten hours I would become a celebrity at school. I could hear people poking my back and whispering and talking as I walked, and for the first time, I hated myself for having such good hearing.

　　They all said, "Do you know that Li Huan, who is not very famous in the English department? She's so cool, she's choking with that handsome computer science senior from B-town!"

　　They all said, "She must be trying to get his attention, you don't know, she seemed to have made some big deal in B City and got sent to the juvenile hall before she finally transferred here!"

　　I could swear that I didn't know Luo Yi Zhou was the very powerful exchange student the principal was talking about, and I didn't even think about attracting his attention, I would rather we never met.

　　But was that possible? Now he was standing in the doorway of our classroom, still spinning the pen I had lost a few days ago in his hand.

　　I saw his narrow eyes, curved, smiling like a fox, the lost soul of the previous days no longer existed. He said, "Lithuania, we met again, I didn't think you still had this pen."

　　I still couldn't stop my anger, I took the pen from his hand with one hand and threw it into the trash can next to me: "Fart, I was ready to throw it away, and you picked it up? And this isn't the second time we've met, you forgot you blew up my balloon on Christmas Day, damn it!"

　　I saw Lin Xiaowei looking at me with her mouth wide open, while Luo Yizhou stood behind me and said nothing more, I knew he must be frowning again, what he hated most was my swearing.