The Unwelcomed Visitor

It was a quiet winter evening at home as I prepared dinner for my family. The roast was already in the oven and I was setting the table when I felt the sharp pain in the center of my chest again. I’ve been feeling this same pain for well over a week now, but it was never intense and it never lasted long. Nothing to worry about, I thought to myself. I’ll make an appointment to see my doctor soon.

The table was set and I didn’t expect my family back home for a couple of hours, so I finally had some time to myself. Ricky had taken the girls out to the city that day and they were just wrapping up some last minute shopping. They were going to go to the skating rink for a bit before heading back home. Ricky and I have been together for 28 years, 25 years married. We’ve had our ups and downs like any other couple, but I can honestly say that we’ve had a very happy and fulfilling marriage overall. We are blessed with three beautiful girls; Leona, Christine and Arielle. Each girl as vivacious and full of personality in her own way.

There goes that sharp pain again. It’s happening more frequently now but at least it doesn’t last long. It’s probably another annoying symptom of getting old. I must remember to make a doctor’s appointment I thought to myself as I drifted off to sleep. I was startled awake by the sudden knock at my door. I jumped up from my slumber as the loud sound pierced the thick silence with its dramatic intensity.

I glanced at the clock on the living room wall, it read 5:43 PM in green glowing numbers. Still too early for Ricky to be home with the girls. Who on earth would be knocking on my front door at this time on a Sunday evening? I surely wasn’t expecting any guests today. I heard the knocking at the door again, this time it seemed more urgent than before. “I’m coming” I yelled out annoyed as I rushed to the kitchen to check on the roast. It was nearly done cooking so I turned off the oven to allow the heat to cook it the rest of the way. The sharp knocking broke the silence once again. Man, this person is persistent.

Annoyed at the sudden intrusion to my quiet evening at home alone, I made my way towards the door. My mind raced with other urgent matters that I had to attend to and I quickly thought of an excuse to get rid of this unwanted guest in the quickest way possible. I opened the door.

The stranger who stood in front of me had an ominous presence about him. He towered over me and his black eyes pierced into me as if he could read my thoughts. A chill ran up my spine at the sight of him, my chest tightened with a sudden flare of pain. For although he was a stranger to me I knew about him rather well. I couldn’t move, I was frozen to the spot.

A sly smirk drew slowly across his face as he watched the dread grow in my eyes. “May I come in?” He asked me in a falsely calming voice. I stepped aside hesitantly, giving him room to pass me by. There’s no use avoiding him. “I know that this is quite a shock to you, you probably weren’t expecting to see me so soon.” He was right; I was in complete and utter shock. He continued “I’m not usually welcomed with open arms. I’m use to the hostility by now, no offense taken.” I glared at him. “It’s time to go” he said calmly.

I suddenly found my voice. “I can’t go now, it’s too soon. I wasn’t expecting you and I have so much left to do. Please, come back another day.” I begged. He looked at me sympathetically, “Today is as good as any other day for my visit friend. The time is now, it’s time to go.” The pain in my chest came back suddenly, much more intense than ever before. I was filled with despair and grief, it was so hard to breathe.

“But please” I pleaded, “There’s so much that I still have to do before I go. Please come back another day, I will be better prepared next time”.

Sighing, he lowered himself unto my couch. It was obvious that he wasn’t going anywhere without me. “There is no ‘next time’” he replied annoyed. “You knew that I would eventually come. Everybody knows that I’ll eventually make a visit but acts so surprised when finally do.” He was silent for a moment before he continued, a look of compassion crossing his face; “I will give you five more minutes, but then we must leave.”

Five more minutes…what will I do in my last five minutes? A nice aroma now filled the dining room where we were talking, giving it a warm homely feel. A very odd contrast to what was actually happening at that moment. These were the last five minutes of my life as I knew it and all I could do was stand there like a lost and scared child in the cold. Memories ran through my mind; memories of my family and friends, events that we’ve been to, things that we’ve done together. Did I have any regrets about the past? I had a few. But the thing I regret the most are things that I will no longer be a part of. Sleeping beside my husband at night, watching my girls grow up into beautiful young women; first boyfriends, prom nights, graduations, weddings… My breath caught in my throat, my head was swimming as I grabbed on to the edge of my seat and lowered myself down. I’m going to miss my family so much; where I’m about to go they can’t follow, at least not now. Not yet.

Thoughts of broken promises and unfulfilled dreams now filled my mind. I always thought that I would have the chance to get around to do them all, eventually. But I was wrong. Dead wrong. I was always too busy with work or familial responsibilities to get around to it, always putting things off for tomorrow, or next week but knowing deep down that I would probably never call that old friend I’ve been meaning to catch up with, or schedule some well needed vacation time with my family. My schedule was always too busy, every minute of my day already fully booked. Tears started to roll down my cheeks, my palms started to sweat. I had already made plans for tomorrow not knowing that I wouldn’t even have tonight. Time goes by so quickly. My heart starts to beat faster and I feel like I am grasping for air.

“Time’s up! It’s time to go; I have some other stops to make before the night is done” he said as he moved swiftly towards me. “But it’s too soon…I’m just not ready…” this time my pleas go unheard. It was already too late and I knew it, my time had already run out.

Grasping my hands he helped me to my feet. His hands were warm and strong, which surprised me. My legs were shaking, my head was spinning so much that I barely noticed that the pain in my chest had been there this entire time since he came into my house. Still holding my hands in his, he led the way to my front door. I took one last glance at the life I was leaving behind.

The photos of my girls by the fireplace. The table that I planned to eat dinner with my family. This is the life that I worked so hard for, the life that I’ve grown to love but didn’t make enough time to really cherish it. I was leaving behind everything that I held so dear, my family, my friends, my accomplishments and aspirations. I will leave everything behind, but in the end I realized that I always knew it wouldn’t last forever.

I wish I had more time to treasure the simple moments. I would take longer walks, spend more time laughing and a lot less time arguing. I would forgive quicker and apologize sooner. I would stop worrying about the unknown and just take every event as they come. I would do so many things differently if I could, but I can’t now. It’s too late, my time is up. I often didn’t appreciate the moment that I was in, but for the first time in my entire life I finally learned to slow down and be present. To really enjoy what was going on in my life at this time and not think about the next step so much. Just to live, right here and right now. I have never thought of life this way, until today…when Death knocked on my door.