The Truth of Aphrodite

"Not all love stories have a happy ending as they do in Disney movies. The beautifully dark fables of the Grimm brothers tell the ugly truth: that life is never one straight happy flat road. This road has twists and turns, sloping hills and steep jagged cliffs, life and death. The Little mermaid never had her happy ending with her prince, she faded away into bubbles. Life is ugly, dark, and revolting at the worst of times. There are people hiding in plain sight who enjoy raping, torturing, and killing others. They crave the sweet release it brings, a high like nothing they have ever felt before.

Take the prolific serial killer Ted Bundy for example. To everyone around him, he appeared to be charming, charismatic, smooth, and put together. He got into law school and was planning to be a lawyer. The truth was, in reality, he had no inner voice of reason, no conscious to tell him not to kill all of those women. The lucky ones got away badly broken mentally and disfigured physically by the injuries he inflicted on them in his mad rage.

But this speech isn't about murders, this is about love. I meet my husband in this very room. When I first saw him, it was my first week here and my first time at this group session. I entered this recovery home as a dead man walking. The doctor's said I was severely underweight with self-inflicted lacerations on my upper thighs and hips. There were bags under my eyes a deep rich purple colour, the colour of royalty. They were a remembrance that a rarely slept well and when I could, I would sleep for hours on end. I could run my hands along my back and ribs, counting every bone as I went. At meals that first week, I mumbled under my breath the number of calories on my plate. I was exhausted of life, tired to my bones. There was never enough sleep to satiate my exhaustion. I seemingly downed coffee by the gallon, gratefully for the 0 calorie drink.

Here in this room, I was prepared to die. I had no faith that I would have a happy ending. I had failed out of college because I was so focused on being thin and delicate looking. My hair was fading to a dull brown colour, it wasn't it's gorgeous coffee colour anymore. I have found my largest deadliest cliff on my road of life.

As I sat down in a chair in the furthest corner of the room for the group therapy session and this tall gangly looking guy enters the room with a crooked grin plastered on his face. There were at least half a dozen free chairs in the room. This guy could have chosen any other chair to sit in, but he chose to sit in the chair right next to me. For me, this guy looked like he could have been shitting sunshine and rainbows out of his ass. He seemed to have a smile permanently etched onto his face, he had a muscular body, gorgeous black hair, and ocean blue eyes. I immediately thought I found the love child of Nico di Angelo and Will Solace. As soon as he sits down he turns to me extending his hand to introduce himself to me. And as most antisocial people who are forced to come here are like, I glanced down at his hand before scooting my chair further away from him.

It was this exact moment that he made it his mission to get me to open up. He had no clue who I was. We never exchanged names. We were strangers to each other, but for some bizarre reason, I was an enigma to him. I was a mystery that he wanted to uncover and become friends with. Everywhere I looked after that first meeting, I could spot him.

I was bitter towards him, I would snap at him like a cornered dog. I was defensive, suspicious why he wanted to know me, and most of all fearful. Each heart-breaking smile he sent my way cracked by frozen heart. I thought it was impossible for me to love another when I can't even love myself. Over the months, I slowly grew less harsh towards him. I began sitting next to him at meals and at group meetings. It was at my one-year mark here when I finally said hi to him. My peace offering was a cup of coffee with the small world scrolled across the cup. And that was just the beginning.

People say you have to learn to love yourself before you can love others. I say that is not true. The three years that I spent here recovering were some of the best times in my life. I began opening up to others all because of that idiot with a smile. I began sketching and painting again, something I had given up in the midst of my obsession with caloric numbers. But I still did not love myself. There were times when I would mope in bed for days on end, barely moving and rarely eating. It was Isaac who became my rock, my saviour, my angel in disguise. I loved him with all my heart. He gave me the hope to live on.

Although my story is not a classic love story as in Disney. I am no a princess and I don't have a Prince Charming. But I do have my dorky idiot. My story is not a happy one and it's never going to be perfect. But I finally have the courage to live my life.

I know that most of you here wish to be any other place than here right now. You believe that this place is going to be like every other recovery place you have been to. That there will be nurses here shoving IV's full of nutrition into your arms, happy go lucky counsellors spouting bullshit into the air, and that no one here will get or understand you. I'm here to tell you that this place is not a place where you will magically get better, this is a place that provides you with the support to gain the courage for you to keep living for yourself. That courage may come from another patient here, from a staff member who has been through something similar to you, or from one of our lovely support animals. The truth of this life is that we can't stop you from slowly killing yourself, that is not our job here nor our duty. Our job and duty here are to give you something that will make you want to live for it. For me, that is my partner in crime.

I came here not looking for love or happiness. I came here ready to die. I left here three years later with a ring on my left fourth finger, at a stable weight, and no scabs on me. Every time I look at Isaac, my heart swells with pride, because even though he had his own issues that he was and still is dealing with, he took the time and patience to get me to open up. And I'm thankful for him being in my life every day. I wish we meet under different and happier circumstances, but I would never trade this life for another.

Thank you, Isaac, for everything you have given me and life."

The light pink-haired woman steps off the stage into the therapeutic circle as everyone stands and applauds. She goes to sit in a chair next to the black-haired and blue-eyed man that was in her speech. Her cheeks turn as pink as her hair from all the attention and she turns her face into the chest of the man. He softly chuckles, gazing down at her because she is his whole world. He kisses her hair as they sit content in the room where everything began for them.