The Things We Leave Behind

“This is for the best, sweetheart,” a tired-looking woman driving a Volvo sedan said to her daughter seated next to her. Twelve-year-old Charlotte smiled back, but she knew they were both faking it. She stared out the window, watching the city streets and high-rise buildings of Philadelphia turn into country roads and New England mansions. After about three hours, they arrived in the town of Weston, Connecticut, and pulled into the driveway of a large stone house with a creek running along the edge of the property. Charlotte was amazed to discover that despite the home’s size, it was still the smallest in the neighborhood.

“Here we are,” Charlotte’s mom sung. The girl smiled for real this time; she loved when her mom sung her words.

They unloaded everything that was in the car, deciding to save what was left in the attached trailer for later. Charlotte’s mom told her she could go explore the house while she made dinner. The girl climbed up the spiral staircase to the second level and was greeted by a long, dark hallway, with rooms jutting out on both sides. She hesitantly started down the hallway, relieved that the first room she came upon didn’t seem so menacing. Evening summer sun poured in from a huge bay window, illuminating the hardwood floor. Specks of dust turned golden by the soft light floated around the room. Beneath the huge window was a ledge with a plush-looking cushion on it. Charlotte squealed.

Running back down the stairs, she called out, “Mom, Mommy!”

“What is it? Be careful!” Her mom replied from the bottom of the staircase.

“I found a room; can it please be mine Mom? It has a window seat!” Charlotte had always dreamed of being able to sit and read in a window seat.

Her mom smiled knowingly.

“Of course. I thought you might like that.”

After dinner, Charlotte asked if she could go play outside for a bit. Her mom looked at the clock: 7:10. Lucky for Charlotte, it was early July, so the sun wouldn’t begin to set for at least another hour yet.

“Fine, but you have to stay on our property,” her mother instructed. (Even though she had made sure the only dangerous thing in this neighborhood would be the gossip, she still couldn’t be too careful. Not with her Charlotte.)

“And be back before 8:00!” She called as Charlotte ran out the front door.

The first thing Charlotte noticed when she stepped outside was how quiet it was. Crickets chirped, and in the distance she could hear a dog barking, but aside from that, everything was still. The girl took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It was so peaceful.

She wandered toward to the back of their yard and discovered a pine grove – small, but still thick enough that you couldn’t see the houses or roads on the other side. She also discovered that the creek from the front of their property flowed all the way back here. The woods felt so alive, even before she heard that dog bark again. This time it sounded much closer than before. A bit startled, she turned around to find a young-looking dog sitting a few feet away. His tongue was out and his tail was wagging.

“Hi, you,” Charlotte smiled, crouching down and sticking out her hand. Life in the city had taught her that not all dogs wanted to be pet. After a minute, the dog approached, sniffed her hand, and began to lick it. Charlotte giggled.

“Who do you belong to?” She searched the dog for a collar or some sort of identification but found nothing. And now that she thought about it, his Australian Shepard-looking fur was a bit dirty and matted, as if he hadn’t been groomed in a while. “Are you lost?” She asked, scratching his ears. The dog wagged his tail harder and tackled her with kisses.

“You’re definitely not afraid of people!” Charlotte laughed. “Come on, let’s go see if my mom can help you.” She tried to get the dog to follow her, but he wouldn’t leave the grove.

“What’s the matter?” She asked. The dog just stared at her, and something about his pale blue eyes captivated Charlotte. Suddenly her mom’s voice rang out:

“Charlotte! It’s 8:00!” The dog jumped at the sound and took off into the trees. Sighing, Charlotte slowly made her way back to the house, but she couldn’t get those eyes out of her head.

Once inside, her mom said she was going to take a bath. It turned out the master bathroom had a clawfoot tub. (Like Charlotte and her window seat, her mother had always dreamed of having a clawfoot tub.) Wishing she could go see the dog again, Charlotte decided to focus some of her energy on her new room. She started unpacking, and as each item found its new home, Charlotte started to feel more at home too. She could hear her mom singing softly from her bathroom.

‘Maybe this is for the best,’ Charlotte thought. ‘Maybe we can be happy here.’ But just as she started to believe these thoughts, something hit her – or rather, the lack of something.

Looking around in a panic, she began to pull out all of the clothes she had just put away.

‘Where is it?’ She thought frantically, her breath thin. “Where is it?!” She shouted.

“Charlotte?” Her mom called from her bathroom. The girl barely heard her. When the woman came running into Charlotte’s room a moment later, she found her daughter sitting on the floor with her hands in her head, clothing strewn all about the room.

“What’s the matter?” She asked, bending down and wiping Charlotte’s flaxen-colored hair out of her face, revealing tear-stricken cheeks.

“I can’t find my ribbon,” Charlotte blubbered. “I looked everywhere! It’s gone.”

Her mom knew instantly what she meant: the white ribbon Charlotte’s father had given her a few months prior, shortly before he…left.

“Oh, it has to be here somewhere sweetie,” her mother reassured her. “There are still so many boxes to unpack! When was the last time you remember having it?”

After a pause, Charlotte answered, “Yesterday as we were packing up the car. I tied it on my wrist so I wouldn’t lose it!”

“I’ll check the car in the morning, okay? But for now, why don’t you try to get some sleep,” her mother cooed.

Charlotte allowed her mom to carry her into bed like she used to when she was little and even let her stay for a while. The woman held her daughter, singing soft lullabies until eventually, after the girl had no more tears to let fall, sleep found her.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this sooner!” Charlotte’s mom shouted in between sobs. Her dad’s voice was much quieter:

“I know. I’m so sorry, Hailey... I just didn’t want to hurt you or – Charlie,” his voice broke.

Charlotte sat on top of the staircase in their Philadelphia condo. She had her head turned to the side, trying to hear every word of her parents’ conversation.

“But the hurt was inevitable,” her mom insisted. “You had to know we’d find out eventually. We’re supposed to be a team, Thomas!”

Charlotte couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Had her dad…cheated? She had a friend whose parents recently got divorced; he said it was because his dad was having an affair with another woman.

“How long?” Her mom’s sharp voice asked. There was a pause.

“They think…a couple months.”

Charlotte heard her mom begin to sob again. Her dad had been having an affair for a couple months? But who were “they?”

“We have to tell Charlotte,” her mom said through shaky breaths.

“I know…I just don’t know how.”

“We’ll figure it out. We’re in this together, Tommy, at least from here on out…”

Charlotte awoke with a start, feeling dazed and disoriented. Fragments of the rest of her parents’ conversation played in her mind: “both lungs,” “chemotherapy,” “stage 4,” “a couple months…”

Suddenly a dog barked outside, bringing her back to the present. The girl crawled out of bed and walked over to the huge bay window, opening the curtains her mom had put up last night. She was disappointed to discover it was raining – hard. But even through the rain she could make out the silhouette of a dog sitting at the edge of the tree grove.

“Good morning!”

Charlotte jumped. Her mom was standing behind her with a box in her arms.

“I’m just finishing some unpacking and then I’m going to run to the store for pancake mix. Sound okay?”

Charlotte nodded.

“Have you found it yet?” The girl asked quietly, looking at the box in her mother’s arms. Hailey’s face fell.

“Not yet, honey, but we will. Want to come to the store with me?”

Charlotte looked down and shook her head.

“Okay, well I’ll be back soon.” Hailey kissed the top of her daughter’s head and put the box down next to her.

“I thought you might want some of these today.”

Charlotte opened the box; it was filled with all her favorite books. She smiled at her mom who winked a goodbye, calling out behind her,

“And don’t go outside while I’m gone!”

As Charlotte approached the grove, she could hear a strange noise over the sound of the rain. After a few more steps, she found the dog digging intensely at the ground.

“What have you got there?” Charlotte asked. He looked up and began wagging his tail, proudly revealing a shallow hole in the ground.

Charlotte cautiously peered into the hole and saw a small package wrapped in brown paper at the bottom. Raindrops fell sporadically onto it. She bent down to pick it up, and almost immediately the rain stopped, replaced with the warm summer sun. Wiping droplets off her face, Charlotte unwrapped the paper. She gasped at what was inside.

It was a white ribbon. Her white ribbon. She carefully picked it up, terrified it would disappear again. She ran the smooth silk between her fingers and felt the thinly engraved letters on the underside. She flipped it over and traced each one: “for my C H A R L I E – I am with you always.”

Tears filled the young girl’s eyes, and she clutched the ribbon in her fist. She bent down and hugged the dog tightly.

“Thank you,” she cried into his wet fur. His soft tongue started licking the tears off her face. Charlotte smiled and pulled back, looking into those strangely familiar eyes.

“How did you…” She started, but then she stopped; this felt like the kind of thing that couldn’t be explained, or at least didn’t need to be. She suddenly had an idea: unclenching her ribbon, she tied it in a bow around the dog’s neck. “There,” she said, sitting back to examine her work.

“How do you like your new collar…Tommy?” She tested. He barked a reply. Charlotte smiled again.

“Yeah, I like it too. Come on, let’s go find Mom!” She began running out of the grove and was thrilled to see that Tommy followed her this time.

They reached the house just as Hailey was returning from the store. The woman got out of the car, ready to scold her daughter for going outside, but then she noticed the dog.

“Mom, this is Tommy.”

Hailey’s eyes widened at the name. She walked up to the dog and bent down, looking at him curiously.

“Look what he found.” Charlotte pointed at the bow around his neck.

Hailey gasped, slowly reaching out to touch the ribbon.

“You found it, huh…Tommy?” She asked. The dog stared at her with his kind, blue eyes, and the woman suddenly felt tears welling in her own. She looked up at Charlotte with a smile. The girl smiled back, and this time she knew neither of them were faking it.