The Sweetness and The Rapture

It’s so quiet and lonely that sometimes I can’t stand it. Sitting here on the wall and looking out over the beach at the sea makes me feel empty. I don’t really know if it makes me feel empty or full--too full to overflowing maybe. It’s like the sky, the sea, the moon and stars, and the soft crashing of the waves want to swallow me up and take me to a higher place where my limited understanding just can’t seem to go.

It is a place of wonder, of emotion, of feeling, of an emptiness that is full of every thought, feeling and emotion that has ever existed in the human heart and ever will. That wouldn’t be so bad, except that with the joy, the sweetness, and the rapture, there is the other side. The pain, the sorrow, the wasted lives, and wasted potential that we all seem to have to suffer as human beings is right there too. My heart seems to break more for what could be than what really is.

The layers of joy and despair are all wound together. The tragedy is that the despair in the world doesn’t have to happen most of the time. It can be avoided and can be made less painful if we have communities based on love and mutual understanding instead of greed and competition, but who has that? How can you really change the structure of the world when you are in a world where the people who have power to change it never will?

So I go to Mission Beach at night, alone, and sit on the wall. Sometimes I just sit there looking at the ocean. Sometimes I’ll walk along the beach at 1 or 2 AM. There are always a few people there, the beach bums and the night people with a small fire lit, but they are far and in between. I am basically alone with the wind, the sand, the stars, and the gods, whatever they may be.

I stop by the wall after walking down along the water for about 15 minutes, kind of sad that I won’t see Tia tonight. There is really nothing between us. I have only seen her one or two times and we really seemed to click. It’s strange to meet someone and just hit it off with them so well the first time you meet, but that was the case with her. She came walking up to me like a shadow.

She was a tall woman in black walking down the beach, still wearing a bathing suit, with a black skirt hanging down around her waist. Her hair was long and hanging down below the shoulders. Her skin was very dark, and her eyes--so strange...truly hazel, bright and shining. I had never seen eyes like those.

Why she was bold enough to talk to me, a stranger, at 130 in the morning, I can’t understand. I must have really looked dejected. But she did stop and talk. She was a bright, intelligent woman, and very kind. That was something you wouldn’t expect from such an attractive woman. The strange thing was that I immediately felt grounded and at peace while I was with her.

Now I come down to the beach a few nights every week, and only see her every once and a while, but it’s a pleasure. Tonight the moon is bright. A breeze is coming off the water carrying the scent of salt and brine. I can hear the waves slowly pounding the shore...a little rougher than usual. The wind is a little heavier tonight. I feel that pull again. I feel like I am expanding--like I exist everywhere at the same time.

I feel the joy and rapture, but a touch of sadness that makes me afraid because if I’m not careful I know I can be swept into a well of depression and despair for myself and for others. A figure moves down the beach toward me. I know it must be her. Who else would be out here? I feel an overwhelming amount of joy and fear. I’m afraid that I will say something or do something to make her go away. I don’t want that.

I sit on the sand with my back against the wall and wait as she slowly approaches. She smiles. Her smile and her eyes are bright, but her skin seems as dark as the star filled night. I look at her, standing over me before she sits in the sand beside me, and marvel at how well the night and the ocean suit her. She doesn’t say a word. She just sits looking at me for a long time. She sighs and looks out over the ocean.

“Another one,” she says in a deep voice. “I’m starting to be able to figure out when you're out here. Always during the full moon.” She smiled. “I know I can find you here when the moon is full, can’t I?”

“I guess so. I never even realized that I came during full moons.”

“Oh, you do. At the shifting of each phase too. I know you do, because I always do and I see you even if I don’t come over. I feel like I belong out here all the time sometimes. Do you?”

“I do. When I’m...I’m a little embarrassed.”

“No embarrassment among friends.” She smiles. She picks up sand and sifts it through her fingers. I just watch. She looks at me again. “So what are you about to say, Friend?”

“I’m glad that you’re here. I really enjoy sitting out here, but sitting out here with you seems right to me.”

“Really. Right to you? What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I feel so embarrassed.” I looked out at the ocean. “Everything is so beautiful that it makes me a little sad.” I looked at her. “It seems empty, and then here you are. You seem to fill everything up. I don’t know you very well…”

“You know me better than you might imagine,” she said. “So I fill up your empty nights, do I?” I was embarrassed. “Please don’t be embarrassed. Talk to me, please.”

“Yes. You do. It is like you are the missing element. Does that seem strange to you?”

“No. Not really. I’ve been told that before.” She began to sift sand through her fingers and then looked up at me and grinned. She laughed a little. “Don’t be shy, really. You can be honest with me. I like being here with you. It was just by chance I stopped and talked with you one night, and I just enjoyed myself so much I had to do it again. I usually don’t.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You were honest and truthful, very kind. I don’t know many like you. I love being here with you. Your energy is so beautiful. It's like a lost part of myself.”

“Really? That’s surprising.”

“I don’t see why it should surprise you. You know you’re different from most other people. I know that you feel deeply, and I know that you’re experiencing a moment right now where you are literally connected with everything, aren’t you?”

“I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I guess I am.”

“Yes, you are. The sky, the moon, the breezes, they seem to be a part of you. Truth is they are. Can we feel a strong breeze right now?” The wind began to blow harder. “Thank you.”

I smiled. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Oh yes you did. The real you did it.” The wind began to slowly die down. “Can we have another one?” It whipped up again.

“I can’t believe this. How is this happening?”

“Because I am the missing element. I am the part of yourself that you’re missing. We walk in places like this...beaches, forests, jungles, empty city streets searching for our family. We’re not from here. We’re from another place. We come here to help awaken others, but sometimes we’re swept away and fall asleep. The ones that awaken try to awaken others so they can remember who they are and go home. I'm here to awaken you, Benjamin.”

“What are you, a Jehovah Witness or something, or some New Age person?”

“You know better than that. I am Tiamat. Have you ever heard of Tiamat?”

“No. Who is Tiamat?”

“Oh. Let me tell you. There is a myth about the Goddess Tiamat, the Great Dragon who ruled chaos. In order to create order it was said that the gods conquered Tiamat and made all of creation out of her. Since Tiamat is so primordial, what happened is that every human being had a spark of her within and those sparks are constantly awakening, remembering their former selves, and reclaiming their power.”

It is a good story, but Tiamat was not captured and forced to do anything. Tiamat willingly gave of herself to birth all of creation.”

“And so…”

“And so I am Tiamat, and I don’t mean metaphorically. I’m the real thing, can’t you feel it? And I came because you are ready to receive me and to come home. There are many gods and goddesses. Some are fictitious and created by humans to serve as excuses for human cruelty, but some are real. The real ones work together to help awaken humans so that the human soul and spirit will return back to its origin instead of being trapped as earth bound spirits. That is part of the celestial game.”

This whole play has already been worked out from start to finish. There is no time outside of this little reality. It is all done. I am your connection to the real world and your real self.”

I sat there dumbfounded. “You are silent,” she said. “They always are. First silence and then the realization.” She leaned over and kissed me. I looked into her eyes. “I am for you,” she said. I kissed her harder and more passionately as we laid back on the sand. As I leaned on my elbow looking down expecting to see her she was gone. There was nothing but sand. I was alone again--all alone.

I looked up at the moon and the stars and could still sense her presence, but it seemed that she was everywhere. Could it all have been my imagination? Was I losing my mind? I called the wind and a burst came up from the ocean on cue. I allowed myself to expand and could feel the water moving and the waves crashing against the shore. I knew something had changed. I felt more aware than ever. Maybe I was awake. I wasn’t sure of that, but I knew that I was home and at peace again if only for a moment.

***

“Is he ready yet?” Athena asked.

“Just a couple of more visits and he’ll come home for good,” Tiamat said.

The End

I love to write these stories. Just a little fiction with a whole lot of fact. If you like what you're reading follow this thread and leave a little tip. Every little bit helps.