The secret of intimate relationships

1

You can't make demands on your girlfriend if you have nothing?

There is a treasure net male member to ask affection mentor: "don't you know how to talk, look just like, no car no room, can't talk about girlfriend?"

The relationship coach asks him, "What kind of girlfriend do you want?"

Male member said: "MY requirements are not high, first of all, the height can not be less than 1.6 meters, of course, too high is certainly not; It is best to have long hair, more temperament, do not need to net red face, but looks to bear a little; Don't be too poor, have a good family, don't be too scheming..." Eight hundred words are omitted below.

After listening to the male member's explanation, the tutor asked him again: "That you mean to say, you have no car, no house, no savings, no appearance, no eloquence, almost want nothing nothing, but the requirement to find a basically what advantages have, at least is above the pass line girlfriend, is it?"

Male member: "Words can't say so, I think love has nothing to do with material, as long as two people really love each other. How can you be a snob and dislike the rich and the poor?"

The relationship coach asks, "Would you accept a woman with no breasts at all?"

Male member: "Well... No."

Affection tutor: "that isn't right cough up, you can't accept a woman without bosom, the woman also can't accept a man without money."

Male member: "How is this the same?"

Relationship coach: "What's different? If you ask others not to dislike the poor and love the rich, you should not dislike the ugly and love the beautiful. Does a woman have no beauty, no body, no face, no money, no background... Can't get a boyfriend?"

Male member: "If I have to say so, I can try it with this woman. If she loves me very much and treats me very, very well."

Emotional mentor: "With what? You have nothing and she has nothing, so why ask her to be very, very good to you and to give more?"

Male member: "Because I lowered my standards."

Emotional mentor: "you have what standard is your own thing, right? That woman wants to marry a celebrity. She probably lowers her standards even more than you do."

.....................

2

Many criteria for choosing a mate are pure fantasy.

The story in front tells us: a lot of people's so-called "mate standard" is pure fantasy, a fool's paradise, is a completely local fan of the state. As many people often ask: "can not find a suitable partner, can only lower the standard of choice?" But in fact, this so-called "mate selection standard", itself may not be scientific, unreasonable.

The question is not whether to lower the standard of choosing a mate, but that everyone should have a correct evaluation of himself.

Lack of reasonable self-awareness and evaluation, even if the standard is lowered, can not solve the problem. Because many so-called "lowering standards" actually "implies expectations", if the standards are lowered in certain rigid conditions, we will expect the other party to have compensation beyond the standards in other aspects. For example, to their own tolerance, accommodation, accept all kinds of unreasonable, and even require each other to read their own heart. This is actually harder to achieve than a hard condition.

Our hidden expectations are like our unmet needs, a bottomless pit that we can never fill, never feel that the other person is not good enough for us to lower our standards. The truth is, the standards you lowered should never have existed.

Only when you have an objective cognition of your own conditions and a reasonable evaluation of your mate selection standards, can you understand that what you need to do is not to "lower" your mate selection standards, but to "erase" those unreasonable mate selection standards.

Of course, if lowering the standards of mate selection makes you very uncomfortable, you should be more active to understand the requirements of the opposite sex, and strive to make yourself worthy of each other, which is a positive and healthy attitude and practice. Don't criticize others for having high standards while holding up the banner of "true love is invincible." Doing so is of no practical use and will only make you less and less attractive.