Fire arches like a rainbow as the bullet explodes from the chamber. I visually watch it spiraling, cutting through the air like a spaceship jumping to warp speed. If you don't understand this description then I suggest you find a trekky to explain it. Weird I know, how can someone see a 9 mm bullet traverse thirteen hundred mph with the naked eye? I don't have an answer, I just know I see it. Oddly enough I don't hear a thing, now that is strange.
Perhaps the darkness contributed to the shooting, or fear, probably both. However, when intruders enter a home in the middle of the night anything can happen. It was a creaking noise that tweaked my ear. Old floorboards tend to become more talkative during the night. They are the built-in alarm system of an older home, crying out in the dark as you try to sneak a late-night snack or alerting exhausted parents when their teenager creeps in past curfew.
I have broken into many homes and never go in blind, yet for all my preparation I missed one very important detail. I thought they were simply a nice elderly couple that had become too complicit and trusting of their neighborhood, which had always been safe. Yet, now invites criminals like me. If I do my job correctly they are unaware until morning, when the evidence speaks for itself.
Crouching low as to blend with the dark, I feel an urge to run. Yet, flight is not an option because a shadow has just morphed to life in front of me. These spectres waver in and out of existence, hungering for lost souls. They come to life after midnight, which is a fact. I like the dark yet fear the shades that live within the corners.
Suddenly, a burst of light and a harrowing scream shatters the dark.
A bullet will impart incredible force upon a body, because as the bullet exits the barrel of the gun, that same force must be imparted in the opposite direction. This is a basic law.
I instantly became numb the moment hot lead tears through fabric, punching a hole into the chest, which is little more than a depression of the flesh. It is the path the bullet takes inside the body and exits that causes the true damage. Especially if it is a hollow point bullet, which this apparently is.
Surrealism in real time mimics images and thoughts of the mind, creating a strange event into a dream like state of coping with a bizarre situation one finds themselves in. Blood doesn’t just leak from a wound, it explodes outward, like raindrops colliding upon concrete.
The reality is, I am currently standing in a strangers home staring at the lifeless body of an individual who received a bullet meant for me. While her husband, who thought having a weapon in their home would save them, collapses to his knees in anguish.
A smoking gun clenched in his hand.
About the Creator
JBaz
I have enjoyed writing for most of my life, never professionally.
I wish to now share my stories with others, lets see where it goes.
Born and raised on the Canadian Prairies, I currently reside on the West Coast. I call both places home.


Comments (19)
What a shocking TWIST JBaz! Amazing!
First paragraph was hilarious. I am intrigued and also wondering why he didn't hear a thing. He did what?! 👀 Wow, there's something about this line that I love so much. Has such a nice ring to it. 'i like the dark, yet fear the shades that live within the corners.' I like how it went from informing us that there was a harrowing scream, to explaining the force of the bullet when it hits the body. Oh wow, just wow!!! That last part just shut me right up. This was awesome! Terrible for that husband but awesome for the reading appetite 👌🏾❤️
Very well written, Jason. This is so sad but incidents like this do happen and they happen more often than we realize. Sorry for the late response on this. I am trying to catch up with everybody’s stories I am so far behind.
Hey there, congratulations on the leaderboard win🥳🥳🥳
Wooohooooo congratulations on your Leaderboard placement! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Oooo! I didn't see that coming!!! Well done Jason!!! Congrats on honourable mention this week!!
Damn glad I saved this one and came back to it. The way you blended the vividness with the ending was scrumptious
Wait so who did the husband shoot? His own wife? Sorry for being slow 😅😅
Statistically speaking, a gun in the home is far more likely to cause injury or death to someone who lives there than to an intruder. Just sayin'. Achingly powerful story, J!
I liked how you treated the bullet like a character of its own. It worked perfectly to build tone and add tension. Also, I did not see that ending coming. Great entry, J!
Edge of your seat suspense. Kind of wondering how that could happen. Was he a bad shot, bad eyesight...so many reasons.
Suspense and full of visuals - This is so true: built-in alarm system of an older home. Loved your story, great job!!
Don’t know anyone can top this story, Jason. Shocking does not even begin to describe this twist! Good luck!
Oh, man. That's horrible. Hence, the reason a loaded gun isn't meant for everyone to use.
Such a compelling and gripping voice of the narrator in this! Very well done!
Wow, what a heartbreaking twist, Jason! Such a gripping story, definitely deserving of a place in the challenge.
Brilliantly tragic! Excellent challenge entry!🤩 I love details like: “ It was a creaking noise that tweaked my ear. Old floorboards tend to become more talkative during the night. They are the built-in alarm system of an older home, crying out in the dark as you try to sneak a late-night snack or alerting exhausted parents when their teenager creeps in past curfew.” We have creaking doors to let me know who comes home😊.
Oof. That was a great twist. I hoped he would get the bullet - excellent writing.
Great story ♦️♦️♦️♦️