The Real Book Thief

There are not many things more satisfying than sitting down to read a good book. With interesting characters, we love and loathe, conflicts and resolutions, twists and turns. From the start we are engrossed through the middle to the end. The end that brings everything to a nice, or not so nice conclusion.

There are not many things more frustrating than sitting down to read a good book, only to find that the last few pages or chapter is missing. I know this only too well because that has become my life's work, my vocation. To leave stories incomplete, questions unanswered, plots untwisted.

Thanks to me, there are some who don't know if the Ring, the One Ring to rule them all is ever cast into Mount Doom or if Winston Smith ever successfully rebels against Big Brother. It gives me a real sense of maddening glee to imagine someone reading through 1178 pages to discover their copy stops at The Black Gate and the Mouth of Sauron. When books that grip you and suck you into their world suddenly go… nowhere—that is my happy place.

Knowing that someone is sitting somewhere not knowing if Emma truly every found her own perfect husband, makes me sleep easier at night. I like to go into libraries and rip the last few pages from the most popular books.

There are bookstores that are forever receiving complaints from customers because they still don't know "who did it" in Murder on the Orient Express or the latest by Richard Osman. There have been near misses. One time, in a Waterstones store in Glasgow, I happened across a gentleman looking to procure a copy of John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men. He almost took it away with him with the ending intact. I caused a diversion, by starting a debate about whether Stephen King was a better author than Dan Brown. I then suggested he consider something else.

Well, while he was looking at Grapes of Wrath, I took Of Mice and Men and removed the incriminating evidence of what befell George and Lennie in the last pages of that great American novel. The look of unknowing excitement to read one of the greatest novels of all time and to follow these two well crafted, hardworking but flawed characters through an unforgiving and harsh world, was a picture. He even asked me if I enjoyed the book when I told him it was a classic. "The ending is one of the best, so full of pathos" I replied with a dark, delicious delight.

Some will call me wretched and despicable, some will say I am the enemy of the written word. I prefer to see myself as a maverick, who wants to give people hope in a hopeless world. Not knowing how stories end, adds intrigue and mystery. You are welcome. After all, when the bows are tied and the twists untwisted and the good guys get the girl or the bad guys get the universe, there's nothing left. I elevate the reading experience - start a conversation that, if I had my way, would never end.

Just remember, if you come across a book and there are pages missing from its conclusion, you have had the blessed experience of witnessing the mastery of my thievery. You are welcome.

Ask yourself, one thing, dear readers of the world, does it truly bother you—never knowing how it ends?

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Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: Not mega short, but still short and written in less than 30 minutes. For Raymond's "Where have all the tea leaves gone?" unofficial challenge. See more information below.

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