The Rain of What is Yet to Come

“The Rain of What is Yet to Come”

“Hey, so what would you like for me to make for dinner? I could pick something up?” I said, my stomach growling loudly in the front seat. I just left my job and I feel exhausted. I work for nine hours a day only to come back to my house, where the food is never ready and my husband is never home. I was supposed to move to a bigger apartment, but after James used all of our savings on his gambling debt, we were forced to continue living life this way.

“I don't know babe, I'm still stuck at work,” James replies. I can hear the hesitation in his voice, and someone's muffled breathing. What’s going on? Is he actually telling the truth? It’s been a long time since we were even in the same room, much less had dinner together.

“Oh alright, I’ll stop by the store to pick something up,” I reply. That was weird. Now that I think of it, he was acting distant for a while. Before I can say more, he hangs up. With the only noise now being the hard pounding of the rain and the hum of the radio. But at least it’s not too late as I pull into my driveway.

“Hello, is anyone home?” I ask. The lights are dim, and I hear a sound coming from my bedroom. Gathering my courage, I open the door. The room is messy, with clothes and empty bottles of booze on the floor. James said he was at work, so who and what is in my house? To my surprise, I find my coworker, Gemma hiding in the closet. Before I can even mutter a word, she runs away, leaving a very embarrassed James behind her.

“Are you cheating on me?” I yell. I can’t believe it. I knew something was off, but I just couldn’t figure out what it was. Well, at least now I can.

“This is all your fault. You are the problem in our relationship, and I wouldn’t have done this if you simply spent more time with me. You are the one who caused this ,” he says, enraged. I freeze. Was he really willing to give up on our relationship that easily? Well I have no problem with breaking up with a cheater. The only thing I can do is cry, but crying is not going to change anything. I don’t want to waste my energy on a person like him, so I get my stuff and head for the car. I could go anywhere, but I can’t stay here. The cool wind blows past my face, and the air has a sense of a quiet eeriness. I get into my old Chevrolet car, throw the stuff into the backseat, and drive. It’s nice, you can't really think about your cheating husband if the Beatles are blaring and the wind is blowing at you at 100 miles per hour. That is, until I see a girl. It’s too late to stop, and despite me screeching down on the brakes, I crash head first into a tree. I can’t see much except for the warm trickle of blood coming from my head. I see the girl disappear. But before I can investigate, I feel a large force shove my head down, and exhausted from life, I let it.

I wake up in a garden. It’s unfamiliar, but beautiful. The weather is crisp, but sunny, and the ground is spotted with tulips. Dozens and dozens of tulips. Gentle rivers flow to the center of this place, and there are butterflies everywhere. Before I can see any more, a gust of strong wind blows me to my knees. I land right in front of a wooden bench. I pull myself up, but when I look at the bench again, the girl from the car accident is sitting there. She says something about her name, but I feel too tired, too dizzy, to even comprehend what she’s saying.

“And so, I come with you for a deal!”she exclaims, with a twinkle in her eyes. A deal? Now this sounds interesting. Perhaps this is the way for me to get back to reality and escape from this weird dream!

“What kind of a deal?” I say. I hope it's not anything too crazy. But honestly could anything get crazier than this?

“I will help you by letting you see your past in exchange for anything I ask of you,” she replies. Anything I could do for her? What does that even mean? And how does she even know about my past? But alas, I have nothing to lose. My life already feels like hell itself, so maybe it won’t hurt to reminisce about the good times. I say yes, and we shake hands. Her hands are cold and pale, with her veins so blue that one could think she’s already dead. But before I can even make a comment on anything else, the girl yanks my hand and soon, my eyes are covered with darkness. The ground where I was previously standing has turned into an endless void and I feel like my will to live is slowly draining out of me. Until finally, the color of the world comes back, and I find myself to be among my old, yet still young classmates. I don’t remember much, something feels off about this “memory”. It feels like I am an anachronism, I shouldn’t be here. We’re standing in my old classroom. Slowly, I feel a grin form on my face as I spot my old friends. Whatever joy I have quickly fades as I spot what my childhood friends are doing.

“Ray, Ray, Ray. Ugly Ray. Ray Ray, Ray, Dumb Ray,” they sing in unsion. They’re circling a young girl, with pale skin and black hair that looks almost like a raven’s nest. But wait, could this be that girl I was with just now? Is she the one showing me these memories? I never knew she was in my town, much less in my class. My thoughts are interrupted as a younger me towers above the girl, and throws my yogurt all over her. She starts crying as the other kids laugh on and on. I don’t remember this, who is this girl? And was I the one who bullied her? Before I can see anymore of that poor girl suffering, I turn to the girl who brought me here and plead. Her eyes are still bloodshot, despite the fact that she’s no longer a kid. This isn’t a warm runion at all, instead it only leaves me numb.

“What, you don't like looking at yourself anymore? You used to be such a preeminent student , and exceeded the rest of our smart classmates with your gifted self. After all, who cares about bullying when people say you’re the beauty and the brains?” Ray says, her voice raspy as if it’s filled with glass.

“That’s not me. It can’t! I would never. Who are you and why are you showing me this. Please, just take me back!” I beg. I can’t handle this anymore, to watch me be the cause of any little girl’s suffering. What is this strange girl’s motive? Why does she want me to be her? I feel like I'm suffocating.I don't understand any of this.

“As you wish, you're right, you know. It is a shame you saw my agony, but perhaps I will give you a glimpse of yours?” she whispers. It sounds so demeaning and mocking that I just want to lock myself in my room and cry for the rest of my life. Her blood stained lips morph into a small smirk, and again, my vision turns black until I find myself among the void once again. And just like before, it quickly morphs into a different scene as I try to regain my balance. This time, I hear yelling voices and the desperate cries of heartbreak.

“I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, YOUNG LADY. YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE LEO OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!” the voices shout.

“No, the only way you will separate us is over my dead body. I love him and would rather die for him than live the rest of my life,” I hear my 16 year old self saying. Word for word, I just can’t believe it. The girl, who I assume is named Ray, has presented me with the worst night of my life, replayed all over again. It's taunting. I know exactly what is going to happen next, I’ve gone over it in my head way too many times. I brace myself for impact as the cold voice returns.

“Okay,” my parents say. But I know now that it wasn’t okay. Not only did my parents disown me when I got home, I never found Leo again after that. I look towards Ray with tears in my eyes and a cold lump in my throat. I try to speak, but the only thing that comes out of my mouth is my own shallow breath. It isn’t long before Ray glances back at me, and in the cruelest, most disturbing, terrifying way, she smiles. I look back at her, pleading, and praying she could just end my misery. Until finally, after what feels like thousands of years, she offers me her hand.

“Are you in despair? Agony? Pain?” Ray whispers. Her voice is like glass, cutting deep cuts into my cloudy conscience. Wholeheartedly, I nod my head. I prepare myself for the void and the blurry vision once again, but this nightmare has other ideas. A gust of wind takes me away. The wind, this time gentle, blows the remainder of my tears away, and carries me back to the garden where I first woke up. Instead of slamming me on the ground, it lightly sets me down in the grass. I see Ray looking down at a knife. What is her intent with it? To kill me?

“Life is quite an arduous journey, you know. It’s okay to give up sometimes,” she turns around to face me, her voice isn’t sharp anymore, instead it feels like thick, slow dripping honey. She doesn’t look like she’s in pain, or agony. She looks peaceful, almost like she knew that her past torture would be over soon. I avert my eyes to the ground, scared to look at her until finally, I gather my courage. My eyes travel upwards until I notice the knife. I can tell this is not going to end well.

“All it takes to end this endless torture is simple, you need to kill yourself. Besides, who cares about life anyways? Eschew your past hopes and desires, you’re an adult now! Come on, join me. Let all of your worries, your mistakes, fade away.”

To my own surprise, I thought of doing it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be free of all of life’s burdens? But when I move closer to Ray, my body feels heavy, as if it’s filled with concrete. I cant move at all but why? I want this, don’t I? I want to be free of all of this, so why don’t I just walk already? Then it hits me, I can’t just let my life go to waste over my problems. With volition, I just can’t let it all be for nothing.

“No,” I insist. This time, my voice is firm and clear. I won’t let my life be for nothing, I won’t die yet. Ray stares at me with confusion, as if she can’t even believe what I’m saying, but I mean it. Once she realizes I’m serious, her demeanor immediately shifts. Ray is furious. She drops the knife from her hand on accident, but my eyes keep reverting to it. I need to do something or else no one here will walk out alive.

“Are you kidding me? Why do you want to live so badly? Look at me, my life is horrible and I want to die. And your life is horrible, so why don't You want to die?” She growls, as her hand grabs my wrist.

“Death is not going to fix my problems, only I can. Listen, you can do it too! There are joys to living, and why be a coward and die when life squirts lemon juice in your eyes?” I say, as I pull myself away from her. Despite my encouraging words, she continues to talk about the levity of the situation, how serious it is for us to die. I can tell that we are not going to reconcile anytime soon, so I ignore her and think of a way to get away from this nightmare.

I hope that this anger of hers would be ephemeral, and she would stop with her madness. Instead, Ray’s screams turn to white noise, until she tries to come closer. I quickly pick up the knife while she continues her rant.

She stares at me, with the most furious expression I have ever seen.

“It’s just a knife, you are overreacting,” I say, with a frown.

“You don’t get it! I tried so hard. I did everything that everyone told me to do. I got good grades, and helped my family and was kind to others, so why am I the one suffering? Why am I stuck in this eternal damnation, while you live in your life? WHY ME?”, she says with her eyes twitching as if her nerves are going to explode.

Stunned, I dropped the knife. I frantically try to pick it up, but she gets a hold of it faster. She holds it to her chest, getting ready to stab herself. I think of what to do. I can’t let her kill herself. She speaks but mind is too frantic to make sense of what she says.

I look at Ray, and then look at my hand. I feel my hand move towards the knife as if it was automatic, but like before, my reflexes were too late. She stabs herself, and in the most gruesome, surprising way, black blood comes out of her body. I don’t know what to do, so I try to pull the knife out, but it’s stuck, as if it was engraved in her. The effort only leaves my hand stained with blood. As I yell for anyone to help, I notice that the garden that we had previously stood on before, was now filled with weeds, and the smell of dead carcass. This feels like a living hell, but am I even alive anymore? Did I die in the crash and go to the devil's playground? It can’t be, I mean I never did anything to deserve this.

She looks at me, and within the moments that blood doesn't come gushing out, she says “Don’t leave me. I’ve already lived my life alone, so don’t let me be the same way in my death. Join..me” I struggle for words. What can I say to her? She who refuses to be alone, who rejects her destiny entirely. Before I can wipe my tears, she collapses. Witnessing a young girl's fatal demise isn't what I'd been planning to see today. The black from her body seeps into the ground, as the air gets chilly. Despite me being alive, I feel as if I was dead myself.

“I’m sorry Ray I really am,” I say to anyone that could be listening. A tear slides across my cheek, and I suddenly black out. I feel a revolting pain in my chest like someone just stabbed me, and when I gasp for air, I find that I’m back in my car, still rammed up against a tree. I look out the window in hopes to see any signs of Ray, but I don’t know what to believe anymore. Those memories she showed me? Were they real? Was she real? I don’t remember anything at all. But, I knew what I had to do. After witnessing a death in front of me, I want to live to my life to the fullest. I reverse my car and drive back home.

As I enter the house, I notice that my coworker is gone while the cheater himself is watching TV. This ends now.I yell at him to pack his stuff and leave. When I hear his whines and complaints about how he is willing to change, and how we can both improve our relationship, I tell him to get out. He tries to plead and beg for me to stay, but in my head, the decision is finalized. Once he’s gone, I go outside to clear my head. Led by my consciousness , I walk back at the site of the crash, and say a prayer for Ray. As I sit down on the tree stump nearby, I see a familiar face, Leo. Jogging with his running shoes, he takes a quick glance at me before sliding onto the grass. Startled, He questions me on what happened the day we got separated, and how I was now. I tell him of my situation, and he tells me of his. It turns out that he is a businessman now, and likes to keep in shape by running. However, after we talk for a little while, the stopwatch on his phone beeps and he gets ready to leave. He invites me to join him in his daily run, but I refuse. I don’t need a man to fulfill my life, as the only person who can do that is me. I have other things to worry about, like finding who Ray really was and why she was in my memories. I truly hope that at whatever heaven she is in, that she’s at peace now. Like a sign from Ray herself, it starts to drizzle outside, but I’m not complaining. The last time it rained, a whole storm of emotions followed. But I hope that just like the sun, my happiness will come out once again.