The Price I Pay

Dear Stranger,

At times I wonder if I am lucky to be here and not out there. At times I wonder if the confinements of this cage is all I will ever see and I imagine what it may be like outside. To not feel the coldness of these bars and the suffocation of not being able to soar high into the sky and be free. I was born from an egg, although I’ve never met my parents. I was raised being hand fed from these strange beings that seem to always want to look at me.

I vary in color and size, I vary in length and height, with long and shorter wings and I have nineteen different cousins out there somewhere. Sometimes I have green with red shoulders, sometimes I am blue and gold, and other times I am scarlet or just a flurry of rainbows. Sometimes I take on rare colors like Indigo or blue, or even an orange belly. I have also heard, one of my cousin’s, Kākāpō, doesn’t have wings and that is why people forget about him! My cousin Spix recently was labeled extinct in the wild which made me really sad but my other cousin Red- Throat seems to be living quietly on the islands near Figi somewhere; I hope he someday invites me over! Unfortunately, two other cousins are nowhere to be found and I worry they are gone. I miss Glaucous and Caledonian, I call them Glam and Cale for short.

Sometimes I’m told I can only be forty or fifty in the wild but I can expect to grow up to seventy-five in captivity. I use my left foot a lot and I also heard we have only one mate for life. We can also lay our eggs but mostly have four at a time and at night we gather in flocks to sleep. If we are ever in danger we slowly slip away one at a time like a true ninja bird!

I love to play with toys and I often find delight in getting praise for doing things that are expected of me or being vocal. But the one thing that has never changed is my longing for my home. I live in this cage but I did not come from here. I came from rainforest, palm swamps, and vast areas of never ending wooded forests and lily pads in bodies of water. When I imagine it I always think I’m there.

I love the large trees covered in overgrowth and vines, the moist and damp air of a morning, and the lush life in the greenery around me. In the palm swamps I see numerous palm trees with their long thin leaves and tall trunks that reach so high only a bird like me can reach and look over it. While the swamp water can be dark and murky, many animals share it and the shimmer the water gives off in the sunlight under the canopies makes it feel warm. The grass overgrows into the water and the plants make the forest floor seem more luscious with many options for food. As an omnivore I love things like seeds, nuts, fruits and vegetables, and even small animals. Sometimes I can be observed eating small lizards and eggs or bugs.

In the rainforest, the tree bases are more round and the areas in which I can hide are much bigger. The leaves are thicker and darker, the water is more concentrated, and the canopy covers the undergrowth making it seem like its own little world inside. The moss and vines entwine together and cover trees in a beautiful mass of greenery. The algae and plants cover water in a peaceful and calming way and the trees seem to come to life as they hover over whatever ground is visible, almost as if being enchanted. It can get super warm out there but it is always full of life and during the day the little sunlight that reaches below at times makes it glow with a mysterious air.

Much like the forests before, another area I live in is near a forest also but it is also near a vast area of water filled with miles of lily pads and undergrowth called The Pantanal region. The color of the algae there makes the sunlight shine down on it as bright green and one neighbor I have that is very numerous is alligators. Still the water can be very clear in some areas and quite beautiful while in others just covered up by deep areas of mud.

Then there is a place in Eastern Panama, Bolivia that isn’t as luscious in a moist way. In fact it can get very dry and sometimes feel more like a desert but I love my home that is in a more isolated area by a water source. Small waterfalls that cascade down into small ponds or streams and rivers that allow my trees and cacti to grow fluently along with many other various types of desert plants. These areas can be surrounded by dry brush, rock and dry dirt but are still a way for us oasis birds to survive.

Although the people who keep us safe are trying very hard they need the help of strangers like you who read my letter to make sure their efforts are not in vain! I hope you can help us out and maybe one day I can actually live in my habitats instead of just imagining them. Also, I would love to make sure all my cousins are safe and sound and not have to worry about them going missing. Wouldn’t you be really sad if a family member disappeared forever? Please make sure to ask about me next time you visit the zoo!

Sincerely with many caws of love,

Macaw