The Nigerian Myth Burster
Once beating, twice shy
You know growing up there’s this myth that a male child is always stronger than a female child, irrespective of the age difference between them.
Here’s a story that puts that myth to rest – a shared personal experience at that. So, do I call it the Nigerian myth buster? Lol
His story…
We grew up in an era with no internet, NTA 2 channel 5 was the best TV station and Cyril Stober and Frank Olize read the news. This was the era of the playground bully and the urban myth – One such myth was that every boy could beat up any girl and it didn’t matter the age. A ten-year-old boy could beat up a thirty-year-old woman, just punch the boobs and she would faint. I believed this myth and it gave me the strength of Sampson when it came to girls. So I walked around like I had a boil each under my two armpits until Rosemary Okon…
Rosemary Okon was one of those girls that were brought from the village and put in a class way below their age grade. I was like eight years old but word to Methuselah, Rosemary was 14 to 15. She was known to climb trees and Tarzan has nothing on her. She came to class late and was always coming 29th out of 30. She was more brilliant than Emeka who only showed up when our school had a football match because he was the team’s captain. Emeka was probably 20 but the head teacher always went to look for him during those matches.
One day, during lunch break, I and my goons, all ajebutters that brought lunch boxes and water bottles to school by the way, were on an adventure to get almonds (fruits as it was called) and as we got to the tree, we found a bunch of fruits already on the ground; what luck! We started picking and eating from the tree, a voice bellowed “una no go leave my fruits”, we made to dash from there, word to Usain Bolt! It was after a few meters that we realized that it wasn’t a chimpanzee but only Rosemary so we went back! Who she be? Lol 😂
Getting back to the tree, we challenged her and asked her how the fruits were her fruits. In our ajebutter way, we shouted “finders’ keepers”!!! Rosemary was still telling us to leave her fruits from up the canopy. Then one of our friends, Alfred, looked up and said “She wasn’t wearing pants, she’s wearing water shots under her uniform”. We all looked up to confirm this assertion and to our ajebutter surprise, it was true and eeew! Rosemary at that point was getting mad and shouted “Stop looking at my nyansh” Umaru who just came back from the UK said, “She said a bad word, she said nash”. We all laughed because he didn’t know how to pronounce nyansh and he always called it nash.
Rosemary Okon thought we were laughing at her and she flew down the tree like Tarzan, I swear I thought I heard aaah waah-waah aaah. In no time she was in front of us and grabbed Alfred and Umaru by the jugular. What an insult, how can this girl grab two boys at the same time, is she not scared? I told her to leave them else! Else what? She shouted leaving Umaru and grabbed me! I wasn’t fazed because you know, ‘AIM FOR THE BREATS’, I knew I could beat her (at least in my head). My concern was how to hit her chest because you know, I wouldn’t want to kill someone’s daughter.
Leave me, I am warning you now o, heeyyy! I said shaking my head, half pity and half plotting my way to her chest. Rosemary now faced me and asked me, “DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT”? I mean, all my goons were there and Eddy has never and will never be a bitch! Yes, I said and Rosemary drew a line in the sand and said “Cross am if dem born you well”. What? Now I didn’t care anymore if I killed this girl in the bush, how dare she challenge me, king of boys! I crossed the line and to this day, I didn’t fall, but the ground rose up to meet me, word to Mike Tyson! All I remembered were my friends lifting me up and telling me to let go but my pride said no. I took another wobbly stance and en-garde. This time around all I could see was a flurry of hands like a helicopter blade, this girl was strong, and John Cena has nothing on her. Just then, the bell went off…
This was the real-life version of Saved by the Bell, break time was over. So, I acted like I had more fights in me but education was more important than boxing. As we (my goons and I) walked back to class, there was an uncomfortable silence but we knew not to talk about what had happened that day under the almond tree. We got to class and acted cool. The teacher came in and taught us arithmetic. When he left I thought it was over and nobody will know what had happened and we will take our secrets to the grave. Phew, thank goodness…
Boy was I wrong, Rosemary Okon walked up to me and rubbed my head in her loud 15 years old voice and said, “Sorry you hear, I no wan beat you, na you vex me”. I didn’t know when I burst into tears. I didn’t know what was hurting me more, the flurry of blows I received under the almond tree or my reputation being murdered in primary 3A. To this day, I have not confirmed if when you punch a girl on her boobs she’d faint because first, you need to know how to dodge blows wey dey protect the chest oh. I wonder where Rosy is today…
An original story shared by Ed.
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Princess Jekey-Green
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I am Jekey and you're welcome to my profile.
I am a creative storyteller with a wild imagination. I create Opinion Pieces on Love, Romance fiction, Life & other Trending issues curated from my everyday life experiences.
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