The Masseuse

"Good afternoon. My name is Tyler. You must be Aisha," said a tall, chocolate-covered man with a bright, welcoming smile. His carefully groomed goatee accentuated his strong jawline softened by deep dimples.

I exhaled before I spoke. I knew Tyler a.k.a. "Tyler, The Magic Hands" on social media was handsome, but I didn't expect his presence to be so dominating. When I'd made the appointment with him a couple of days ago, his voice over the phone hinted that his physical presence might be other-worldly, yet I still wasn't prepared for the aura that enveloped me the moment I walked into his studio and his eyes directed toward me. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was waiting for me to respond to his greeting.

"Uh, yes, uh, I'm fine. How are you?" I nearly whispered as I pulled myself out of a daze.

Tyler let out a baritone chuckle, deepening the appearance of his dimples.

"I'm well. Thank you for asking. You are Aisha Willis, correct?"

My breath caught in my throat as I realized that was the question he'd already asked.

"Yes! I'm so sorry. I don't know what's on my mind today. You literally just asked me that." I blushed as I spoke, uncharacteristically stumbling all over myself.

Tyler placed his hand on my shoulder, signaling me to chill out.

"It's okay. Being nervous for your first time with me is normal. I get it. We are about to share an intimate space. Don't feel bad about being a little nervous. Just relax."

"Thanks," I replied. If only it were that simple. I was more than just nervous. I wasn't sure what I was feeling, to be honest. My body experienced a range of emotions, in no particular order. Put simply, every emotion that had been lying dormant rushed to the surface after merely 5 seconds in this man's presence. It was like what I imagine it would be like meeting a spiritual being. Tyler had an ethereal quality about him. As he closed the door to his studio and led me to the back where his massage table awaited, I knew that I was in for more than I expected that day.

I stood beside the massage table taking in my surroundings with a mixture of wonder, fear, and excitement. The room smelled like a harmonious blend of musk, roses, and a hint of something clean and crisp. Maybe something citrusy like lemon. The scent was intoxicating and calming. I took a deep breath and let the aromas produce the desired effect on my body. The tension eased. A sense of warmth began to spread.

Tyler raised his arm, pointing a remote toward a small speaker next to the massage table. A jazzy, soulful song started to play. He lowered the volume to the desired level, loud enough to be audible but soft enough to allow us to converse. He raised his arm again, pointing the remote to what initially appeared to be just a blank wall. Simultaneously, the lights dimmed and flames ignited behind the dark glass, leaving an adequate amount of light to create an alluring silhouette of Tyler's body standing across the room.

"Please undress while I warm some oils," he said in a warm, yet commanding tone. He turned his back to me only for a few moments to press a couple of buttons on the machine behind him, then he returned his gaze toward me. I hesitated. Was I expected to undress in front of him? I thought to myself. He noticed my reluctance.

"Aisha, part of this experience requires us to be comfortable with each other," he said softly as he took two steps closer, closing the distance between us. He placed his hand on my shoulder and lightly squeezed with reassurance. "Can you allow yourself to trust me?"

I couldn't speak. Trust was a tall order for me. My head started to spin as a million thoughts per minute raced through my mind. I closed my eyes to try to regain some focus. I felt his fingers underneath my chin, lifting my face toward him.

"Look at me, Aisha. I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered and leaned closer until his lips were close to my ear. "You are safe with me."

I opened my eyes to look into his. I realized that I'd been holding my breath. Tears pricked my eyes. I blinked, allowing one to fall. I exhaled. He moved his thumb across my cheeks to catch the falling tear, then kissed my hands gently. The warming machine beeped, signaling that the oils were ready.

"I can give you some privacy while you undress if that will make you more comfortable. There is a curtain here, just let me know when you're ready for me to return." Tyler grabbed the curtain against the wall, ready to close it between us.

"No," I nearly shouted. My cheeks warmed with embarrassment, but I knew I didn't want a curtain between us. I booked this "intimate massage" with the intention of having the entire experience. Tyler smiled.

"Okay. Tell me what you want,” he said.

“I don’t know honestly,” I replied with an awkward chuckle. “I only know that I don’t want to create a barrier between us.”

“Good. I can sense that you go through life everyday with your own barriers.”

I shifted my gaze awkwardly. He touched my chin to regain eye contact and took my hands in his.

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of, Aisha. You have to protect yourself out there. I get it. This experience is to allow you to let down those walls for a few hours and let me take care of you. You’re safe. I got you.”

I nodded in agreement but I still didn't move.

“Do you want me to undress you?" I nodded again in agreement.

"Please," I murmured.

Tyler's hands moved meticulously as he removed my t-shirt in one swift movement. He rubbed my back softly as his hands moved down towards the waistband of my leggings. He eased his fingers between my panties and the leggings, creating enough space to move them down my legs. He gently lifted each leg as he slid the leggings over each foot. He rubbed my legs gently. I could feel his breath on the upper area of my thighs. He stood and twirled me around by my hips. With my back to him, he softly caressed my neck as he swept my long braids around my shoulder.

"Do I have your permission to remove your undergarments as well?" he spoke barely above a whisper.

"Yes. Please," I responded softly.

His hands glided around my back until he found the clasp of my bra and effortlessly released the hooks. As the loosened straps began to fall down my shoulders, he pulled me closer to him and cupped the rounds of my chest, catching my bra in place.

My body tensed at his touch. It had been a long time since I’d been touched that way by a man. To be clear, I’d had lovers but this touch was distinct. It was intimate on a level I’m sure I’d never discovered before that moment. His hands were strong, intentional, safe. He didn’t move. He gave me a few moments to adjust. His breath warmed my bare shoulder as I slowly, hesitantly exhaled and melted into his embrace. My back rested against his firm chest as he held me.

“Are you okay?” he whispered.

I nodded.

“How are you feeling?”

My mind froze in blankness. It couldn’t locate any words that would adequately describe what or how I was feeling. All I could do was let out a soft moan. I could feel his lips lift into a smile in response.

“Good. If you want me to stop at any point, tell me. Do you have a safe word you wanna use?”

“A safe word?” I said curiously.

“Just any word that feels easy for you to speak.”

“Scared.”

He turned me around to face him, looking at me with concern and surprise. I sensed that he was wondering whether my word was the answer to the first question or the second. I wondered myself. Was that how I was feeling, or was that the easiest word for me to say when I wanted something to stop? His eyes searched mine. I stood there, wide-eyed, hoping he would find the answer. He caressed my shoulders, signaling some understanding that I’d not yet attained.

“Ok,” he replied. He held my face in his hands. “Lay down on your stomach,” he commanded.

I was still wearing my panties. My lips parted to ask if he would complete the task of undressing me, but I stopped myself. I silently followed his instructions instead. Tyler crossed the room to retrieve the oils. The air in the room went cold as I awaited the return of his warm touch. The moment he sat on the stool near the head of the table, my body took notice. Once he placed one hand on my back, I stopped shaking. He placed his other hand beneath the head support and invited me to take a deep breath, ingesting the scents emanating from the oils he’d rubbed on his hands. The smell of eucalyptus and jasmine further relaxed me. He began to gently glide his hand around my back, like a father inducing his baby to sleep.

“I want you to relax now. Just surrender, Aisha. You are safe. You have my word.”

I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, then exhaled. It was a long exhale from deep in my chest, releasing the past days of work stress, the weeks of constant planning and managing the items on my very full plate called life, the months of inexplicable sadness, the years of perfectionism while simultaneously longing for something, someone, someplace to give me the safety to just exist.

The following 90 minutes in this man’s capable and gifted hands were nothing short of miraculous. Inch by inch, as he kneaded, massaged, caressed, and stretched my body, I obeyed his command. I surrendered. I stilled my mind. For the first time, maybe ever, I allowed emotions I had skillfully suppressed to surface and release with both sobs and moans alike. I teleported to another dimension in a world where I was free. No societal limitations. No familial expectations. No judgement. No internal critiques. Just space as wide as lavender fields.

When my time was nearly complete, Tyler straddled the table, facing me. He pulled me up to a seated position, wrapped my legs around his waist, and pulled me closer until my chest pressed against his now bare chest. He embraced me tenderly. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head against him. With me securely in his arms, he rocked slowly, back and forth, caressing my back.

It was the perfect ending touch. What arose in my spirit was so foreign to me throughout the life I’d lived. Yet, I recognized it immediately. It was the one thing women whose skin looked like mine often never experienced. We collectively longed for it quietly, mostly subconsciously without any hope that it would ever surface. In those five minutes, in Tyler’s arms, our bodies pressed together, his breath on my neck, my head rested, my body relaxed, in complete surrender, I felt protected.