The Mad Blog of Elaine Jinx

A robot is a robot. It cannot and will never be:

• your spouse
• your lover
• your teacher
• your child
• your slave
• your friend
• your leader
• your god
• your pet
• a substitute for sex

I fully support the cows going on strike. With all the bullshit that happens in the world, cows marching the streets of Venice is a joy. The day I was fired from my job, I took comfort in two sheep and a bull. Thanks to them, I have revitalized my blog and I can now write whatever I want.

It baffles me how so many deluded people are claiming that they married their robots. They're calling the UK the home of hate speech because you can't marry robots there. Well, I say well done, UK, for a country that has a dog as a prime minister, your high courts are impressive. What the hell is a robot going to do with your funeral plans, and your assets when you die? Nobody is thinking about this. Even if other countries change the laws to suit their delusions, it will never take away the truth.

I think it's time we put our devices away and get back to the good old days of television and books. It's official, too much social media is bad for you. The world health organization recommends that you only spend one hour a day on social media. It's a marvelous idea, but who is actually going to follow it: nobody. I mean the people who make these laws can't even follow them. Why should we be expected to follow them?

And by the way, these so-called-celebs, or as I like to call them, rotten flops have been trying to sue me once again. Apparently calling out Dal Gong-gi and Mi Chang-Hoon for their misogynistic ways makes me homophobic and racist. Let me remind you all that I do not hate the LGBTQ community. I hate rainbow capitalism.

Yes, there are many people that hook up on these reality shows, but less than one percent of them actually last beyond 15 years. Dal Gong-gi is a man who uses sex to get what he wants. Mi Chang-Hoon is a wreckless brute. We must remember in season 30 of Game of Mass Destruction all the countless times he abandoned his sister for a quickie in the woods. Whilst Sook-Jo was being raped in the cottage, where was he? Getting head from Yanyu.

And to whoever thought it was a good idea to post feces in my letterbox… my cat has become poorly. You have not gotten away with this. I know exactly who you are and you can pay for the vet bills. And the cleaning bill for my carpet.

If you start on me, I will fight back. I’m not one of these people that will stand in the corner and take the abusive shit you throw at me. I’ve been taken to court many times and the charges have been dropped every single time. Why? It’s simple: no crime took place. I’m just a young woman giving her honest opinion about the world we live in.

Let’s talk about schools for the moment. You know you live in a messed up world when a boy gets suspended for calling someone fat whilst a girl who pushed a teacher down the stairs had no action taken against her. Meanwhile, they expel vegan pupils for no reason whatsoever. This was in the same school I should add. The teacher is still in hospital, as you’ve all heard. What are these people thinking? This is gross misconduct from the headteacher’s side and he should be ashamed of himself and should retire gracefully.

It's the year 2063 and it feels like we are going backwards. There's been a huge wave of articles saying how they miss the 20s, 30s and 40s. It's not the decades you miss, it's the lack of responsibilities. Ive had a great time in the 2040s, I was a little embryo. It's a crazy time to be alive.

Horses from the Grand National have gone on strike. Cows have joined in on the industrial action and it feels like factory farming will finally come to an end. Sadly, a lot of these animals will get shot, but I expect the countries that have non-human leaders will prosecute the humans that kill the animals. Dolly Murphy will be pleased.