I Don’t Know Its Destination

Getting married at fifteen was a mistake. I never loved him. He resented me ever since the moment we met. Divorce was frowned upon at my age, but remains the best decision of my life. We are healthier and wealthier.

Many years ago a wave of pandemics twiddled the Japanese population. So the Government made it compulsory to every student to be married by the time they were sixteen and bare at least one child before their 18th birthday. This law has brought me years of heartbreak.

Motherhood never appealed to me. I’m twenty, and I’ve had two miscarriages and an abortion. When Suzie was born, I gave her to a socialite from Europe. The isolation I get from this is severe, but I did what was best for my child. We did not have the facilities or the time to look after a child properly, and my ex-husband neglected her just how he neglected me.

All these thoughts terrify me as I sit alone on the train. I’m not sure where I’m going or why I don’t have a ticket with me. What I do know was that sake was strong. Did Yuzuko come with me or did she leave after dinner? Everything seems to be a blur. My body shaked, I flip open my phone to check the time - it’s dead. Should I be at work or school? We’re in a tunnel. I can’t tell if it’s day or night.

My stomach churns. There’s a woman sitting next to me reading a book. I don’t mind it, she’s a gorgeous looking thing, she’s like one of those Barbie dolls you want to put in your pocket and take home. Only thing is, she is not a Barbie doll, she’s a real person scares the living daylights of me. Even though she looks as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, she’s had plenty of sin inbetween her teeth.

Dolly Murphy: one of the winners of last year’s Game of Mass Destruction. I can’t remember who she paired up with in the end, but she’s the Irish chick into cats and cannibalism. After feasting on other contestants, she announced she was going vegan after winning the show. A promise she apparently kept, but there’s no way of knowing. Plant-based stuff looks and tastes so convincing nowadays and often much cheaper too.

Her face used to give me nightmares, but in the flesh, she isn’t that scary. She looks like your ordinary tourist. Then she looks at me and smiles.

“You’re Yuzuko’s girlfriend, aren’t you?”

”Yes…”

”I thought so. I’ve seen you around at Professor Denki’s main lab. I had work experience there before I came on the show. I was meant to be one of his new apprentices this year. Of course that never happened. I didn’t really want to anyway.”

I’ve never known anyone in Japan to openly say something like that about Professor Denki. If Yuzuko was siting next to me, she would slap her in the face. My girlfriend is placid in nature, unless you’re not worshipping her grandfather.

“So where is Yuzuko?” Dolly asked.

I shrug my shoulders. “Funny you say that, I don’t know.”

“Too much sake!”

“Huh?”

“I saw you come in with all those empty bottles, they weren’t gonna let you on the train. So I lied and said you were with me.”

“Why would you do that, Dolly?”

“You looked vulnerable.”

“Eh?” I don’t understand what she meant by that until I yawn. I’ve been one of the biggest campaigners to get what we call the baby factory act revoked. It’s a violation of our human rights. We should have the choice to become parents and spouces if we want to. Dolly’s right. It does make me vulnerable. I suppose I put myself more at risk than others of constant humiliation and judgement. Here are times I don’t want to get out of bed, but I get through it.

“I started to realise that what I did to those people were things we’ve been doing to other animals for centuries.”

“What made you eat those people in the first place?”

Dolly shrugged her shoulders, but I sense regret in her lowered tone. “If it’s good enough for the robots, it should have been good for me. On my last day I was cornered by monkeys. They were all looking at me and had their arms crossed. When I looked into their eyes, all of them staring right through my soul… I realised that was my call. I never consumed animals products again after that…” She gazes at the window then stares at me. “Must be hard for you, being a lesbian in your country.”

I nod. “They still try and make me marry a guy.”

”That is the problem with people: they care too much about what other people think. They follow the crowd instead of doing what is right for them. I like your style. You shouldn’t give up. I’m sure your voice will be heard one day.”

The final call is Kyoto. I guess it’s time for me and Dolly to part ways. Even though she lives in Ireland, I know that I will see her again. There was no need to say farewell.